i'm Andy, 5 and a bit years ago i took ill was a chef working 70 hr
weeks had a sort of break down was seeing and hearing things very low
anxious and not sleeping. Anyway this is the first site that i thought
i should use not sure wat to write tho so i'm just gonna tell bit bout
me if that's cool?
at that stage of my life i was absolutely terrified of wat was
happening to me. went to my g.p bout the insomnia and depression too
scared to mention my psychosis tho. g.p tried around 6 anti
depressents which as u will all know takes time a long time! family
had moved me back home as i couldn't take care of myself and my
girlfriend couldn't cope. my 2nd week my mum demanded that i saw a
psychiatrist was taken up to the local psyche ward the doc said i was
"SCARED OF LIFE" and prescribed beta blockers! fuc*%g idiot! needless
to say i was upset started self harming that night went too far mum
found me passed out in the morn rushed to a&e then admitted to the
psych ward. hadnt spoken thru this untill have been told these were my
only coherent words muttered when the same psych came to asses me i
said to the charge nurse if the doc didnt leave i'd rip his head off
luckily the nurse was good and transferred me. Anyway i,m ranting was
in ward fopr 3 mnths had ect not nice experience although i did repeat
it a yr later. in and out the ward 6 times now. Diagnosed with,
depression first then psychotic dep when i finally came clean with the
psychosis stuff. just under 2 yrs ago was having really bad mood
swings got into bad debt spending like crazy sooo much energy sooo
happy toooo confident. then a day or even a few hrs later the dark
raincloud would fall and i'd burst into tears no matter where i was!
Was takenin again diagnosed bi polar (rapid cycling)started on mood
stabilisers (on 2 now)along with my anti psychotic and the to date
only anti depressent thats worked on me. That's been over a year now
i'v started to get my life back with the fantastic help of my
psychologist and cpn, im starting a ou course soon i'v been clear of
hospital, unfortunately i lost my g/f altghough she's a great friend
now. i'v found that one of the worst things about it all is the
enormous appetite increase i used to be a strong fit rugby player now
i'm fekin 24 st! oh and another is the fact it caused me to be so self
centered hurting my friends and family was a past time activity.
well i'v been stable for a year now starting to try and put myself
out there again i have brill mates and family stood by me where many
wouldn't but they all have lives of there own. i live alone and get
lonely and bored. aww! but if anyone out there actually makes it to
the bottom of this posting without crashing out please let me know wat
u think? how have you made new friends?
if u managed it thanks for reading
Andy