Hello Just want to introduce myself and ask a few questions. I have
been recently diagnosed with bipolar 2. I'm in my late 20s. I had my
first episode of serious depression at the age of 11 (i had some
pretty weird beliefs with it - and some OCD). I did not get treatment
for it but i had time off school and i had thoughts of suicide.
Throughout my teens I was considered very temperamental. I had a lot
of serious anxiety - and i ashamed to say - drug use problems. When I
started university I had an episode of flat mood – I couldn't feel
anything – and I was prescribed antidepressants. I first developed
severe anxiety – and then terrible agitation. This developed until I
felt very high – as though on drugs – I didn't sleep – I felt giddy –
I was severely restless – and I felt quite `good' at times because i
thought i was so high. It didn't last – it switched to a feeling of
deep depression and I became very suicidal. I was hospitalised and at
the time given more anti- d's. They made me a lot worse and in the
end I only took benzos to calm me down a little. I went home - Months
went by and I got better. that was a few years ago. Since then though
I have had episodes of severe agitation – irritability –
restlessness – pacing – paranoia and deep depression. I was referred
to a psychiatrist for the last episode and they started CBT for my
OCD – and she also said that my response to anti- d's 5 years ago
shows that I am bipolar and that the doctors at the time should have
recognised it. I feel confused by it all though – I do suffer from
terrible depressions – and they are quite different from what other
people describe when they get depressed. I have never had a hypomanic
episode apart from the one which was whilst on anti d's – although I
can totally relate to symptoms of mixed states and agitated
depression. Can someone please tell me if any of you can relate to
this? I always though bipolar was distinct periods of hypomania and
depression. There is no way I can ever take anti –d's for depression
again – they made me insane – and I feel lost because at the moment I
am having moments in the day when I feel intense emotions – moments
when I feel panic – moments when I feel out of control agitation –
and moments when I feel so empty. Will mood stabilisers help? The
doctor has prescribed lamotrigine but I am terrified of trying any
meds. Do i sound like i have bipolar?? What does it mean it terms of
my future?? I feel overwhelmed.
Please advice.