Dear Jack and others
I am intrigued by exploring some of the issues you raise in this posting,
although I want to start with a couple of health warnings about what I am
writing
1 I am consious this may be an 'educational psychology type' answer be aware
as you may chose not to read!
2 It is what comes up as I type.... some ideas may be seconds old!

With this in mind here goes
Good news incidents!
Yes I too have had similar experiences, I approach conversations with
parents/ teachers and children with empathy first as my way to start,
preferring to connect first now and then find a way forward.
Tomorrow I am in one of the high schools I work in and I am preparing myself
to spend the day empathising with the teachers ... as they come to me for
consultation about the pupils with behaviour difficulties. I will need
plenty of energy for this and empathy myself!

Jack you wrote

> Now,
with NVC, I'm willing to spend more time in reflection and empathy,
so the person is properly understood.
> However, a colleague challenged this, suggesting it's a hangover of
> psychodynamic thinking...that the person has to ventilate/unbottle
> their bad feelings before being able to move on to solution-building.

This for me is interesting... i don't view being with some one in empathy as
a chance for them to ventilate/unbottle... just as a chance for them to find
space/ support/ and connection - for them to be connected to their feelings
which are telling them what needs of their aren't being met. I'm wondering
how we have ended up with this idea that there is such a thing as 'bad
feelings' that we want to get rid of... anyway for me I notice that when
someone is connected to their needs the story / issue / problem falls away
and then I can move on into a creative space/ problem solving

> I wonder if that is around in Marshall's thinking. Some SF
> practitioners do go quickly to the preferred future, without lots of
> problem-empathy.
>
> My preliminary thought is that this is not about ventilation, it's
> about top quality communication, and about allowing movement from
> their presenting (Jackal) formulations to giraffe recognition of
> feelings and needs. Maybe identifying the needs would inform the way
> the person goes on to describe their preferred future. I would
> welcome comments about SFBT and NVC.
>

Yes.... i think this is what I have said!!!

I have done a few days training in Solution Focussed Brief Therapy. the
second lot I did was about 18 months after starting work in nvc. I noticed
that the SFBT was useful for me, however I kept slipping into nvc as I tried
to practice it on our course as I preferred the deeper level of connection
which I got with the other person then if I just stuck to SFBT.
Now I am not sure how much the SFBT training I have integrated.... I do
enjoy using some of the questions ... last week I asked a year 6 pupil to
tell me where he was out of ten for his behaviour in class. however I notice
that I did this after I had guessed his feelings and needs and was in a
place of connection with him that he was comfortable with. I also was ready
with empathy when he talked about how he was never going to get to a 10/10.

hope this is useful/ interesting
Shona