Hi, I am Rachel and this is the first time I have used the NVC group at yahoo. 

I have been interested in NVC since Andy Taylor hooked me with a book on teaching with NVC a few years ago.  I am writing my dissertation for my MSc in Education for Sustainability, in which I am investigating the usefulness of NVC training to teachers and activists interested in promoting non-violent change, through and in conjunction with personal development.

I am using my own experiences of using the Lucy Leu companion guide to do this, but I also want to find out if my experiences are similar to other peoples.  This will make my dissertation much more interesting and more credible. 

I am hoping to that if you have taken part in foundation training or read NVC literature and spent time working on it that you might like to take part by answering a simple and short questionaire that I can email to you, together with more information.  If you know someone who is not on the yahoo list who might like to do this please forward this email or ask them to get in touch.

If you would like to help please email me and I will get back to you shortly.

Best wishes, Rachel

rachel_barraclough@...

9 Greenbank Road, Altofts, West Yorkshire, WF6 2JU

Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the NVC-EducationUK
group.

   File        : /NVC Programmes in schools - English.rtf
   Uploaded by : shona_cam <shona.cc@...>
   Description :

You can access this file at the URL

http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/NVC-EducationUK/files/NVC%20Programmes%20in%20s\
chools%20-%20English.rtf

To learn more about file sharing for your group, please visit

http://help.yahoo.com/help/uk/groups/files

Regards,

shona_cam <shona.cc@...>

Hello
You might be interested to read about Martine's work with conflict
resolution in schools in Belgium.
Love
Bridget


------ Forwarded Message
From: Jori Manske <jori@...>
Date: Sun, 2 Jul 2006 23:12:22 -0700
To: CNVC-trainers <cnvc-trainers@yahoogroups.com>, Friends of NVC
<friendsofnvc@yahoogroups.com>
Cc: Martine Marenne <martine.marenne@...>
Subject: CNVC: New Certified Trainer, Martine Marenne (France)

Dear Community,

Please join me in welcoming our newest certified trainer in Belgium,
Martine Marenne, who has focused on teaching NVC to children through
games and play.

Welcome, Martine!

Jori Manske
Interim Director and Certified Trainer with
The Center for Nonviolent Communication(sm)
www.cnvc.org
2428 Foothill Blvd., Suite E
La Crescenta, CA 91214 USA
Phone: +1.818.957.9393
Fax: +1.818.957.1424

Martine Marenne

36c avenue de la chênaie

1180 Bruxelles

00.32.479.279.037

martine.marenne@...

www.users.skynet.be/martine.marenne.



I am happy to address you these words, even if we haven’t had the
chance to meet yet.

My name is Martine, I am married and I have 4 children aged from 12
to 20 years.



I discovered NVC in 1996 during a seminar in the hospital where I was
working. Since then I have been working there part-time.

For more than 10 years, I have run workshops on the positive
resolution of conflicts for children, teachers and parents in schools.



I was impressed by the revelations of my children about the stress
and the tension they experienced during the lunch period at school. I
noticed that playgrounds are just like the rest of the world: in one
corner, some were playing or talking, and in the other, others were
at war.

I decided to try to understand this uneasiness and to develop a
prevention tool with all the parties concerned in school.



I have produced a program with a dozen or so trainings to transmit
NVC to children using games.

The purpose of them is to learn to manage conflicts in a different
way and to offer alternatives to disputes or fights (without
domination or the use of power ‘over’).



Not all conflicts necessarily end up in violence, even though
violence is part and parcel of human nature and of our social
environment.



This approach helps to build or rebuild an environment which fosters
discussion, mutual assistance and new ways of being in relation with
one another.



I am convinced that conflicts are meaningful in education and that
the Nonviolent Communication process is a way to resolve them that
can at the same time transmit values of respect for ourselves and for
others.

I have chosen to let children discover NVC through games because
games creates a safe context for the learners and also because I
enjoy playing.

The laughter and pleasure that we experience during the workshop
offer us opportunities to rediscover happiness of heart and to learn
from that.



I would be delighted to chat with you about the positive resolution
of conflicts in school, and I look forward to hearing from you soon,


Martine





Liste des formations suivies en communication non violente.


Introduction à la communication non violente

Séminaire des 3 jours.
Animé par Anne Bourrit à l'hôpital Erasme (1998)

Introduction à la communication non violente

Séminaire de 3 jours.
Animé par Thomas d'Ansembourg (1998)

Participation à un groupe de pratique CNV

Animé par Thomas d'Ansembourg.
Cette formation se faisait à raison  d'une fois par mois durant 3 ans
de 1999 à 2001

Formation d'approfondissement en CNV

Animé par Marshall Rosenberg.
Gestion socio-politique des conflits en mars 2000

Stage d’approfondissement en CNV

Animé par Thomas d’Ansembourg Marlagne en mai 2001

Participation à un groupe de pratique CNV

Animé par Godfrey Spencer.
Cette formation se fait à raison d'une fois par mois depuis septembre
2002

Approfondissement en CNV

Animé par Anne Van Stappen et Godfrey Spencer.
"A l'écoute de soi" en novembre 2002

Formation de formateurs en cnv

Du 21/04/03 au 25/07/03 à Grans

Séminaire de 5 jours animés par Nicole Azincourt, Hélène Domergue et
Guy De Beuscher

Participation au groupe de cnv de Belgique

Girafeco ( groupe intensif de réflexion et d’approfondissement de
formateurs en évolution en cnv. ( Depuis mai 2003)

Participation au groupe depuis mai 2003 et je suis toujours active
aujourd’hui ( 2005 )

Séminaire d’introduction à la cnv

Du 31 mai au 1 juin 2003

   Animé par Godfrey Spencer à Erps Kwerps

Séminaire d’approfondissement de la cnv

Manipulateur, Manipulé, Manipulable

Animé par Godfrey Spencer à Waterloo

Stage de formation avancée pour les groupes

autogérés et les groupes de pratique en cnv

Du 23 au 25 janvier 2004

Séminaire de trois jours.

Animés par anne Charlotte Duprez, Annie Plessy et JP Faure

International Intensive Training Program

In Reigolswil, switzerland

Du 3 au 12 février 2004


   Séminaire de 10 jours Animés par Marshall Rosenberg, Pascale Molho,
Godfrey Spencer, Eva Rambala, Hategekimana Dunia

Ma relation à l’argent

Septembre 2004

Sémianire de 2 jours

Animé par Peter Koenig à Namur


   Séminaire de 3 jours à Lebensgarden en Allemagne.

Du 7 mai au 9 mai 2004

   Séminaire de 3 jours

Animés Par Katharina Mohs et Rolf Segpiel

Séminaire de 5 jours à Lyon

Du 1 au 7 Aout 2004

   Séminaire de 5 jours.

Animé par Catherine Tihon

Vision, Esprit et Argent

Réaliser nos Rêves Novembre 2004

Séminaire de 2 jours animé par Lynn McMullen

Etre heureux ce n’est pas nécessairement confortable du 27 février au
4 mars 2005

   Séminaire d’approfondissement à la cnv

Animé par Thomas d’Ansembourg

Séminaire d’approfondissement sur les jeux coopératifs et les jeux de
miroirs

Du samedi 5 mars au dimanche 6 mars 2005

   Séminaire d’approfondissement à la cnv

Animé par JP Faure

   Participation au forum de la cnv en Belgique

Sol Cress à Spa du vendredi 8 au dimanche 10 avril 2005

   Séminaire animé par Marshall et plusieurs autres formateurs

Séminaire de formation à la  sociocratie à Paris de septembre 2005 à
septembre 2006

Séminaire animé par Gilles Charest et ghislaine Cémon ( organisé par
le CNV France )






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



CNVC trainers'and coordinators' email forum. Admin: Alex Censor
nvc@... .
# NO ATTACHMENTS TRANSMIT THROUGH THIS LIST.

Yahoo! Groups Links








------ End of Forwarded Message

----- Original Message -----

From: Shona Cameron

To: NVC-EducationUK@...

Sent: Tuesday, June 13, 2006 9:31 PM

Subject: Re: [NVC-EducationUK] FW: 5th Annual Educators Institute: TEACH FOR LIFE

Dear Bridget

Thank you for alerting me to this.. sounds v tempting for myself and I enjoyed being in touch with how much I long for this kind of experience for the people I meet in schools.

 

I am travelling with Laura Harvey to the New York Summer Intensive where Sura Hart will be and I hope to come home inspired and ready for another school year.

 

Wanting to share a meeting I had today with a deputy head of a large comprehensive (1500 on roll) who although was unable to come and hear Marshall is interested in using NVC to improve relationships in his school and prepare them all for Building Schools for the Future (Dfes speak!- I tell schools that I don't just want new buildings!)

I enjoy that NVC is being talked about across Tameside in this way- as part of other things schools 'have' to do and as part of a long term plan.

I would love to hear how people feel reading this and also if anyone else has stories of nvc in schools I would love to hear them in order to meet my need for inspiration.

thanks

Shona

 

 

 

----- Original Message -----

From: Bridget Belgrave

To: NVC-educationUK

Sent: Tuesday, June 13, 2006 8:12 AM

Subject: [NVC-EducationUK] FW: 5th Annual Educators Institute: TEACH FOR LIFE

Hello

The email below may interest people on this group. Anyone ready to fly to USA for this???

I am forwarding it because I find reading such things, even if I know I wont attend, awakens my sense of possibilitiies and, who knows, maybe we will have something like this in the UK one day.

Bridget

------ Forwarded Message
From: Giraffetalk@...
Date: Mon, 12 Jun 2006 17:36:41 -0400
To: cnvc-trainers@yahoogroups.com
Subject: CNVC: 5th Annual Educators Institute: TEACH FOR LIFE

Dear Friends,

US and International English Speaking:

I wanted to alert you to a uniuqe opportunity
for the educators in our lives, who are on fire with NVC,
to get together for five days
in a retreat environment here in the Pacific Northwest (US)
at the 5th Annual Educators Institute: TEACH FOR LIFE.

Below is full information,
plus web links to the trainers' website:
trainforlifecommunication.com
and the registration website:
www.psncc.org

Thank you for passing this information on
in your networks~*

with LOVE,
Barbara Larson

PSNCC
Seattle, Washington, US
1-206-842-6398
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACH FOR LIFE: 5th annual NVC Educators Institute
July 24-29, 2006 at beautiful Harmony Hills Retreat Center
on the Olympic Peninsula in Washington state (www.harmonyhill.org)

Teachers, administrators, school staff :
REVIVE your body & spirit, DEEPEN your NVC consciousness & SHARPEN NVC
skills in a dynamic and play-full community of educators

You are invited to join our highly experienced & deeply playful
training team & 30 other educators who want to:
-Co-create a compassionate, co-operative & lively learning community
that you can recreate in your classroom and school
- Learn how to keep your intention going & your energy flowing in the
day to day challenges of teaching
- Dramatically reduce and peacefully resolve conflict with your
students, colleagues, parents, administrators, family & friends

You can take back to your classroom & school:
- New ways to prevent, reduce, and resolve conflict
- Activities to support NVC consciousness that address all learning
styles
- Effective structures & practices to create safety, trust, &
co-operation
- An action plan to create your compassionate classroom and/or school
- A network of support for ongoing mutual learning & empathy

Our Training Team:
John Cunningham, Sylvia Haskvitz, Jean Morrison & Sura Hart, author of
The Compassionate Classroom (2004 PuddleDancer Press)
-Certified Trainers with the Center for Nonviolent Communication-

Prerequisite: Familiarity with Nonviolent Communication.  We
incorporate best practices of group and mutual learning so that NVC
beginners along with more experienced NVC practitioners are able to
deepen their NVC skills and teaching practice to the extent they choose.

CEU’s: 3 CEU credits or 30 contact hours

For more information and registration, www.psncc.org, or call
206-842-6398.
ALSO, please visit our new Train for Life Communication website:
www.trainforlifecommunication.com.

__________________________________________________________
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.

----- Original Message -----

From: Bridget Belgrave

To: NVC-educationUK

Sent: Tuesday, June 13, 2006 8:12 AM

Subject: [NVC-EducationUK] FW: 5th Annual Educators Institute: TEACH FOR LIFE

Hello

The email below may interest people on this group. Anyone ready to fly to USA for this???

I am forwarding it because I find reading such things, even if I know I wont attend, awakens my sense of possibilitiies and, who knows, maybe we will have something like this in the UK one day.

Bridget

------ Forwarded Message
From: Giraffetalk@...
Date: Mon, 12 Jun 2006 17:36:41 -0400
To: cnvc-trainers@yahoogroups.com
Subject: CNVC: 5th Annual Educators Institute: TEACH FOR LIFE

Dear Friends,

US and International English Speaking:

I wanted to alert you to a uniuqe opportunity
for the educators in our lives, who are on fire with NVC,
to get together for five days
in a retreat environment here in the Pacific Northwest (US)
at the 5th Annual Educators Institute: TEACH FOR LIFE.

Below is full information,
plus web links to the trainers' website:
trainforlifecommunication.com
and the registration website:
www.psncc.org

Thank you for passing this information on
in your networks~*

with LOVE,
Barbara Larson

PSNCC
Seattle, Washington, US
1-206-842-6398
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACH FOR LIFE: 5th annual NVC Educators Institute
July 24-29, 2006 at beautiful Harmony Hills Retreat Center
on the Olympic Peninsula in Washington state (www.harmonyhill.org)

Teachers, administrators, school staff :
REVIVE your body & spirit, DEEPEN your NVC consciousness & SHARPEN NVC
skills in a dynamic and play-full community of educators

You are invited to join our highly experienced & deeply playful
training team & 30 other educators who want to:
-Co-create a compassionate, co-operative & lively learning community
that you can recreate in your classroom and school
- Learn how to keep your intention going & your energy flowing in the
day to day challenges of teaching
- Dramatically reduce and peacefully resolve conflict with your
students, colleagues, parents, administrators, family & friends

You can take back to your classroom & school:
- New ways to prevent, reduce, and resolve conflict
- Activities to support NVC consciousness that address all learning
styles
- Effective structures & practices to create safety, trust, &
co-operation
- An action plan to create your compassionate classroom and/or school
- A network of support for ongoing mutual learning & empathy

Our Training Team:
John Cunningham, Sylvia Haskvitz, Jean Morrison & Sura Hart, author of
The Compassionate Classroom (2004 PuddleDancer Press)
-Certified Trainers with the Center for Nonviolent Communication-

Prerequisite: Familiarity with Nonviolent Communication.  We
incorporate best practices of group and mutual learning so that NVC
beginners along with more experienced NVC practitioners are able to
deepen their NVC skills and teaching practice to the extent they choose.

CEU’s: 3 CEU credits or 30 contact hours

For more information and registration, www.psncc.org, or call
206-842-6398.
ALSO, please visit our new Train for Life Communication website:
www.trainforlifecommunication.com.

__________________________________________________________
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.

----- Original Message -----

From: Bridget Belgrave

To: NVC-educationUK ; NVC-UK

Sent: Monday, May 15, 2006 4:11 PM

Subject: [NVC-EducationUK] NVC intro for educators Thursday May 18 2.45pm-4.15pm

Hello

Brampton Manor School have organised me to give an NVC intro as below and same text attached (if this group accepts attachments. If not I can forward the attachment to you if you ask).

IN EAST LONDON THIS THURSDAY AFTERNOON FOR 90 MINUTES.

It is free and open to all, INTENDED FOR PEOPLE IN EDUCATION WHO WANT TO HEAR ABOUT NVC.

Please invite anyone you think might be interested, specially in schools/colleges in London, by forwarding the info below.

Even if you guess they won’t be free at this short notice, passing along the invite helps raise the profile of NVC in education.

By the way, I didn't write the parts of the flier that are about me!

Grateful to Daren de Witt who inspired the school to put this event on.

Bridget

Brampton Manor
-------------------------------

Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

A powerful tool for becoming an emotionally healthy school

a rare opportunity to hear one of the leading experts
Thursday May 18,  2.45- 4.15pm

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a practical, learnable process for communicating with empathy, honesty power and compassion. It integrates personal development with social change.  The purpose of NVC is to ensure everyone’s needs are valued equally and fulfilled in ways that contribute to connection, harmony and peace. NVC develops people’s ability to listen to and transform blame, anger and criticism into respectful, constructive communication, and to resolve conflict peacefully.

Teachers at Brampton Manor School who have had training in NVC are reporting very positive results.  They say that relationships with students have improved and that communication is marked by increased goodwill, co-operation and respect. Bridget Belgrave, an international NVC trainer, will be giving an introductory session on the subject in May:

WHO  can benefit from NVC? Everyone!  It can improve relationships and communication in school, at work, at home and socially.

WHERE?  Brampton Manor School, Roman Road, London E6 3SQ.

WHEN?  2.45 – 4.15pm, Thursday 18th May 2006

HOW MUCH?  No cost.

HOW TO APPLY:  Please email: inset@...   
or post the completed slip to:  Lesley Bond, Brampton Manor School, Roman Road, London E6 3SQ

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

An Introduction to NVC   - YES, I WISH TO ATTEND
 

Name:………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


Organisation:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
 

Date:……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


Post / Job:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


Contact Address / Tel:……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..


Email:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Brampton Manor
-------------------------------

Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a practical, learnable process for communicating with empathy, honesty power and compassion. It integrates personal development with social change.  The purpose of NVC is to ensure everyone’s needs are valued equally and fulfilled in ways that contribute to connection, harmony and peace. NVC develops people’s ability to listen to and transform blame, anger and criticism into respectful, constructive communication, and to resolve conflict peacefully.

Teachers at Brampton Manor School who have had training in NVC are reporting very positive results.  They say that relationships with students have improved and that communication is marked by increased goodwill, co-operation and respect. Bridget Belgrave, an international NVC trainer, will be giving an introductory session on the subject in May:

WHO  can benefit from NVC? Everyone!  It can improve relationships and communication in school, at work, at home and socially.

WHERE?  Brampton Manor School, Roman Road, London E6 3SQ.

WHEN?  2.45 – 4.15pm, Thursday 18th May 2006

HOW MUCH?  No cost.

HOW TO APPLY:  Please email: inset@...   
or post the completed slip to:  Lesley Bond, Brampton Manor School, Roman Road, London E6 3SQ

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

An Introduction to NVC   - YES, I WISH TO ATTEND
 

Name:………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


Organisation:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
 

Date:……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


Post / Job:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


Contact Address / Tel:……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..


Email:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Hi all,

I'm saddened reading the story below. I'm also scared, imagining
people in positions of power with the ability to cancel out the
financial support that many of us need to do the work we do, and
also to 'blacklist' us and spread ideas like the ABA mention about
the work we do.

I want to live in a world where we communicate with care around our
mistakes in relation to each other, and where schools nourish the
whole of students - body, emotions, spirit, as well as their
intellects.  Also where schools offer more support to students to
enable them to grow into aware and caring adults.

I call on the divine energy that runs through everything to give me
the strength and resources to be able to connect with people such as
those mentioned below from the government and Kidscape, to connect
fully with their needs and to connect them fully with mine, so we
may find ways to meet them all.

Daren De Witt



--- In NVC-EducationUK@..., "Shona Cameron"
<shona.cc@v...> wrote:
>
> Dear All
> I am wanting to pass on a message which came throught the
Educational
> Psychology List that I subscribe too-  mainly to share what is
happening in
> the world of education and as a way of supporting Barbara Maines'
work which
> with its emaphasis on restorative work in schools fits with our
hopes for
> nvc in schools
> I would enjoy to hear reactions from others
> Shona
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Educational Psychology List [mailto:EPNET@J...]On
> Behalf Of Barbara Maines
> Sent: 06 February 2006 22:49
> To: EPNET@J...
> Subject: [EPNET] Anti Bullying Alliance
>
>
> Successful Strategy under Attack
>
> When a society behaves at its worst it is often the result of
oppression
> by those who hold power. Compliance, maybe reluctant, is given by
those
> who are powerless.
>
> Since the first publication of the No Blame Support Group method
in 1991
> we have been both supported and criticised. We have never
complained
> about that – the work is controversial and should be evaluated and
> debated. Some of the negative comments have been personalised and
we
> have tried hard to be restrained in our responses, whilst
continuing to
> promote non-punitive, restorative and solution focused process.
>
> The principal source of the criticism has come from Kidscape,
members of
> which have misrepresented our 7-step method by suggesting that it
is a
> process during which the victim has to confront the bullies and the
> bullies `get away with it'. That is definitely not what we
advocate but,
> through popularisation of this variation, we have found that some
> schools misuse the method and end up with different results. If
you want
> the cake you have to follow the recipe!
>
> Since the formation of the Anti-bullying Alliance and our
appointment as
> regional coordinators in September 2004 the negative press has
escalated
> and become very unpleasant.
>
> Towards the end of 2005 a Labour MP in Bristol took the
opportunity to
> attack the recently elected Lib-Dem Bristol Council by asking Tony
Blair
> to condemn the use of the No Blame method as referenced in the
Bristol
> policy document.
>
> On 16th of December we received a phone call from Paul Ennals,
Chief
> Executive of the National Children's Bureau which hosts the service
> agreement for the ABA, telling us that our contracts as regional
> coordinators would not be renewed. Until that point we had been
led to
> believe that we would be signing new contracts before the end of
the year.
>
> At a meeting of regional coordinators on 9th January Paul Ennals
> explained that he was under extreme pressure from the Prime
Minister's
> office including frequent phone calls both to his home and at
work. The
> threat was to withdraw funding for the ABA if we continued in post
as
> coordinators because we are associated with a non-punitive
approach to
> bullying. Paul Ennals assured us that our work was supported by
the ABA,
> that we had not promoted our own work in our roles as regional
> coordinators, and that we had done nothing wrong.
>
> At subsequent meetings our colleagues (coordinators and members of
the
> advisory group) unanimously and in the strongest terms condemned
the
> action and asked Paul to reverse his decision. He refused. Our
contracts
> have not been renewed and ongoing work has been interrupted,
including
> development of an accreditation scheme for schools and creative
work
> with Looked After Children.
>
> This is a short, factual account of what has happened. We should
add
> that we have been devastated by this and as we left the
coordinators
> meeting we broke down in tears, feelings of rage at the injustice
and
> overwhelmed by the support and concern expressed by our colleagues.
>
> Whilst criticism is often voiced publicly and makes good press,
messages
> of support are usually sent to us privately. We are now contacting
> colleagues to ask for help on three counts.
>
> 1. We want to explain what has happened and allow people to express
> their views on a political process that threatens professional
freedom
> and integrity for all of us.
> 2. It is important that the voices advocating punishment and
retribution
> do not go unchallenged and that those who support restorative,
problem
> solving and emotionally literate methodology have a strong voice
> 3. We need to protect our reputation and access to our work.
>
> For clarification we can confirm to you that we are Sage employees
on
> salaries and we have not had any personal financial gain from the
ABA.
>
> During recent weeks we have been updating our website with new
> information which will go live on the 6th February.
> http://www.luckyduck.co.uk/supportgroup
>
>
> If you would like to express your views by email they should go to:
> barbara@l...
> george@l...
> ccloke@n... - Chair of ABA
> PEnnals@n... - Chief Executive NCB
> conorfryan@a... - Prime Minister's Office
>
> We have made the decision to resign as members of the ABA and make
> public what has happened to us. We have made contact with the
office of
> the Children's Commissioner and will be meeting with his team to
discuss
> ways in which we can continue to make a contribution to this
> anti-bullying work.
>
> We will be contacting colleagues in the UK and overseas inviting
them to
> join an interest group to share good practice, training and
research in
> the range of non-punitive methods to combat bullying. It you would
like
> to join please email barbara@luckyduck and we will keep in touch .
>
> If you have received our training or used the Support Group Method
then
> we would be very grateful if you would complete the enclosed
questionnaire
>
> Thank you
> Barbara Maines and George Robinson
>
> 1. How did you learn about the method?
> 2. Have you ever used it
> 3. Did you follow the 7 steps
> 4. Have you used other methods to change behaviour of bullies
> 5. What has worked
> 6. What has not worked
> 7. Other comments
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
----
> The views expressed in this EPNET message are solely the author's.
> They are not to be represented as the views either of the member's
> employer or of educational psychologists generally
>
> The EPNET archives and the subscription manager can be found at
> http://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/lists/epnet.html
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
----
>

Shona, shock, sadness and frustration...I remember first coming across the
No Blame approach a long time ago and feelings of excitement and real
hope...there is a lot to be learned here too.
Thank you for sending the piece ...keeps me in touch with the webs we're all
part of
Love Penny
----- Original Message -----
From: "Shona Cameron" <shona.cc@...>
To: <NVC-EducationUK@...>
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2006 4:23 PM
Subject: [NVC-EducationUK] Fw: [EPNET] Anti Bullying Alliance


> Dear All
> I am wanting to pass on a message which came throught the Educational
> Psychology List that I subscribe too-  mainly to share what is happening
> in
> the world of education and as a way of supporting Barbara Maines' work
> which
> with its emaphasis on restorative work in schools fits with our hopes for
> nvc in schools
> I would enjoy to hear reactions from others
> Shona
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Educational Psychology List [mailto:EPNET@...]On
> Behalf Of Barbara Maines
> Sent: 06 February 2006 22:49
> To: EPNET@...
> Subject: [EPNET] Anti Bullying Alliance
>
>
> Successful Strategy under Attack
>
> When a society behaves at its worst it is often the result of oppression
> by those who hold power. Compliance, maybe reluctant, is given by those
> who are powerless.
>
> Since the first publication of the No Blame Support Group method in 1991
> we have been both supported and criticised. We have never complained
> about that – the work is controversial and should be evaluated and
> debated. Some of the negative comments have been personalised and we
> have tried hard to be restrained in our responses, whilst continuing to
> promote non-punitive, restorative and solution focused process.
>
> The principal source of the criticism has come from Kidscape, members of
> which have misrepresented our 7-step method by suggesting that it is a
> process during which the victim has to confront the bullies and the
> bullies ‘get away with it’. That is definitely not what we advocate but,
> through popularisation of this variation, we have found that some
> schools misuse the method and end up with different results. If you want
> the cake you have to follow the recipe!
>
> Since the formation of the Anti-bullying Alliance and our appointment as
> regional coordinators in September 2004 the negative press has escalated
> and become very unpleasant.
>
> Towards the end of 2005 a Labour MP in Bristol took the opportunity to
> attack the recently elected Lib-Dem Bristol Council by asking Tony Blair
> to condemn the use of the No Blame method as referenced in the Bristol
> policy document.
>
> On 16th of December we received a phone call from Paul Ennals, Chief
> Executive of the National Children’s Bureau which hosts the service
> agreement for the ABA, telling us that our contracts as regional
> coordinators would not be renewed. Until that point we had been led to
> believe that we would be signing new contracts before the end of the year.
>
> At a meeting of regional coordinators on 9th January Paul Ennals
> explained that he was under extreme pressure from the Prime Minister’s
> office including frequent phone calls both to his home and at work. The
> threat was to withdraw funding for the ABA if we continued in post as
> coordinators because we are associated with a non-punitive approach to
> bullying. Paul Ennals assured us that our work was supported by the ABA,
> that we had not promoted our own work in our roles as regional
> coordinators, and that we had done nothing wrong.
>
> At subsequent meetings our colleagues (coordinators and members of the
> advisory group) unanimously and in the strongest terms condemned the
> action and asked Paul to reverse his decision. He refused. Our contracts
> have not been renewed and ongoing work has been interrupted, including
> development of an accreditation scheme for schools and creative work
> with Looked After Children.
>
> This is a short, factual account of what has happened. We should add
> that we have been devastated by this and as we left the coordinators
> meeting we broke down in tears, feelings of rage at the injustice and
> overwhelmed by the support and concern expressed by our colleagues.
>
> Whilst criticism is often voiced publicly and makes good press, messages
> of support are usually sent to us privately. We are now contacting
> colleagues to ask for help on three counts.
>
> 1. We want to explain what has happened and allow people to express
> their views on a political process that threatens professional freedom
> and integrity for all of us.
> 2. It is important that the voices advocating punishment and retribution
> do not go unchallenged and that those who support restorative, problem
> solving and emotionally literate methodology have a strong voice
> 3. We need to protect our reputation and access to our work.
>
> For clarification we can confirm to you that we are Sage employees on
> salaries and we have not had any personal financial gain from the ABA.
>
> During recent weeks we have been updating our website with new
> information which will go live on the 6th February.
> http://www.luckyduck.co.uk/supportgroup
>
>
> If you would like to express your views by email they should go to:
> barbara@...
> george@...
> ccloke@... - Chair of ABA
> PEnnals@... - Chief Executive NCB
> conorfryan@... - Prime Minister's Office
>
> We have made the decision to resign as members of the ABA and make
> public what has happened to us. We have made contact with the office of
> the Children's Commissioner and will be meeting with his team to discuss
> ways in which we can continue to make a contribution to this
> anti-bullying work.
>
> We will be contacting colleagues in the UK and overseas inviting them to
> join an interest group to share good practice, training and research in
> the range of non-punitive methods to combat bullying. It you would like
> to join please email barbara@luckyduck and we will keep in touch .
>
> If you have received our training or used the Support Group Method then
> we would be very grateful if you would complete the enclosed questionnaire
>
> Thank you
> Barbara Maines and George Robinson
>
> 1. How did you learn about the method?
> 2. Have you ever used it
> 3. Did you follow the 7 steps
> 4. Have you used other methods to change behaviour of bullies
> 5. What has worked
> 6. What has not worked
> 7. Other comments
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> The views expressed in this EPNET message are solely the author's.
> They are not to be represented as the views either of the member's
> employer or of educational psychologists generally
>
> The EPNET archives and the subscription manager can be found at
> http://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/lists/epnet.html
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Hi all,

I am shocked and feeling quite disturbed by the message you have passed on
Shona,and then my warrior spirit rises and encourages me to be even more
determined on working towards supporting those that are needing it.

Thanks for the fuel,

Amola

Dear All
I am wanting to pass on a message which came throught the Educational
Psychology List that I subscribe too-  mainly to share what is happening in
the world of education and as a way of supporting Barbara Maines' work which
with its emaphasis on restorative work in schools fits with our hopes for
nvc in schools
I would enjoy to hear reactions from others
Shona

-----Original Message-----
From: The Educational Psychology List [mailto:EPNET@...]On
Behalf Of Barbara Maines
Sent: 06 February 2006 22:49
To: EPNET@...
Subject: [EPNET] Anti Bullying Alliance


Successful Strategy under Attack

When a society behaves at its worst it is often the result of oppression
by those who hold power. Compliance, maybe reluctant, is given by those
who are powerless.

Since the first publication of the No Blame Support Group method in 1991
we have been both supported and criticised. We have never complained
about that – the work is controversial and should be evaluated and
debated. Some of the negative comments have been personalised and we
have tried hard to be restrained in our responses, whilst continuing to
promote non-punitive, restorative and solution focused process.

The principal source of the criticism has come from Kidscape, members of
which have misrepresented our 7-step method by suggesting that it is a
process during which the victim has to confront the bullies and the
bullies ‘get away with it’. That is definitely not what we advocate but,
through popularisation of this variation, we have found that some
schools misuse the method and end up with different results. If you want
the cake you have to follow the recipe!

Since the formation of the Anti-bullying Alliance and our appointment as
regional coordinators in September 2004 the negative press has escalated
and become very unpleasant.

Towards the end of 2005 a Labour MP in Bristol took the opportunity to
attack the recently elected Lib-Dem Bristol Council by asking Tony Blair
to condemn the use of the No Blame method as referenced in the Bristol
policy document.

On 16th of December we received a phone call from Paul Ennals, Chief
Executive of the National Children’s Bureau which hosts the service
agreement for the ABA, telling us that our contracts as regional
coordinators would not be renewed. Until that point we had been led to
believe that we would be signing new contracts before the end of the year.

At a meeting of regional coordinators on 9th January Paul Ennals
explained that he was under extreme pressure from the Prime Minister’s
office including frequent phone calls both to his home and at work. The
threat was to withdraw funding for the ABA if we continued in post as
coordinators because we are associated with a non-punitive approach to
bullying. Paul Ennals assured us that our work was supported by the ABA,
that we had not promoted our own work in our roles as regional
coordinators, and that we had done nothing wrong.

At subsequent meetings our colleagues (coordinators and members of the
advisory group) unanimously and in the strongest terms condemned the
action and asked Paul to reverse his decision. He refused. Our contracts
have not been renewed and ongoing work has been interrupted, including
development of an accreditation scheme for schools and creative work
with Looked After Children.

This is a short, factual account of what has happened. We should add
that we have been devastated by this and as we left the coordinators
meeting we broke down in tears, feelings of rage at the injustice and
overwhelmed by the support and concern expressed by our colleagues.

Whilst criticism is often voiced publicly and makes good press, messages
of support are usually sent to us privately. We are now contacting
colleagues to ask for help on three counts.

1. We want to explain what has happened and allow people to express
their views on a political process that threatens professional freedom
and integrity for all of us.
2. It is important that the voices advocating punishment and retribution
do not go unchallenged and that those who support restorative, problem
solving and emotionally literate methodology have a strong voice
3. We need to protect our reputation and access to our work.

For clarification we can confirm to you that we are Sage employees on
salaries and we have not had any personal financial gain from the ABA.

During recent weeks we have been updating our website with new
information which will go live on the 6th February.
http://www.luckyduck.co.uk/supportgroup


If you would like to express your views by email they should go to:
barbara@...
george@...
ccloke@... - Chair of ABA
PEnnals@... - Chief Executive NCB
conorfryan@... - Prime Minister's Office

We have made the decision to resign as members of the ABA and make
public what has happened to us. We have made contact with the office of
the Children's Commissioner and will be meeting with his team to discuss
ways in which we can continue to make a contribution to this
anti-bullying work.

We will be contacting colleagues in the UK and overseas inviting them to
join an interest group to share good practice, training and research in
the range of non-punitive methods to combat bullying. It you would like
to join please email barbara@luckyduck and we will keep in touch .

If you have received our training or used the Support Group Method then
we would be very grateful if you would complete the enclosed questionnaire

Thank you
Barbara Maines and George Robinson

1. How did you learn about the method?
2. Have you ever used it
3. Did you follow the 7 steps
4. Have you used other methods to change behaviour of bullies
5. What has worked
6. What has not worked
7. Other comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The views expressed in this EPNET message are solely the author's.
They are not to be represented as the views either of the member's
employer or of educational psychologists generally

The EPNET archives and the subscription manager can be found at
http://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/lists/epnet.html
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

HI Bridget et al,

Maria Arpa and I are going to offer to do this together.  Maria has
left a message on the answerphone of the person from the PTA.

I'm thinking right now that perhaps we needed to coordinate this a
little more, in case there are others of you who are also interested
in doing this.  I wouldn't want the school to receive several phone
calls from several NVC trainers.

Would anyone who has been thinking separately that they want to do
the presentation please contact either Maria or myself to discuss it
further?

Thanks

Daren


--- In NVC-EducationUK@..., Bridget Belgrave <bb@l...>
wrote:
> RE: REQUEST FOR SPEAKER ON DEC 14 IN A SOUTH LONDON SCHOOL
>
> Hello
>
> I had a request (by phone) from Kim Teasdale, a parent at a
secondary school
> in Lewisham, South London.
>
> She is on the PTA (parent-teacher association) and would like
someone to
> come to an evening they are organising on 14 December to join
possibly 2
> other speakers (from different organisations) and talk with
parents about
> different perspectives on bullying (which is quite bad at this
school)
>
> Apparentaly she had rung round a few groups and I was the only
person to
> ring her back so far, so possibly the NVC person could be the only
speaker.
>
> There¹s no fee being offered.
>
> There would be a minimum of 30 people there.
>
> Her number is
>
> 07981 025 1672
>
> Or
>
> 0208 698 7270
>
> Please go ahead and ring her if you might want to do this talk.
Maybe it
> would lead to interest in that school in bringing NVC training in,
you never
> know!
>
> If you do plan to ring her please let me know, as I would enjoy
some sense
> of completion on my part in this.
>
> thanks
>
> Bridget
>
>
>
> Bridget Belgrave
> Life Resources
>
> 01865 865008
> bb@L...
> www.LifeResources.org.uk

Thank you for responding, Shona.  I'm delighted to hear about the way
you use NVC as a ( or "the") key ingredient to daily EP work. Encourages
me to go further in what I do in a small way. I'm even more admiring
that you have got NVC into the big picture with the National Primary
Strategy and with Thameside schools, especially getting Marshall to
speak to the LEA.
My only success so far is  with my colleague EP  I mentioned before....
I lent him an introductory audiotape of Marshalls, and he is now feeding
back enthusiasm to me for using NVC in our work. Maybe we can build out
from that.

More about SF and NVC another time.


Shona Cameron wrote:

>Dear Jack and others
>I am intrigued by exploring some of the issues you raise in this posting,
>although I want to start with a couple of health warnings about what I am
>writing
>1 I am consious this may be an 'educational psychology type' answer be aware
>as you may chose not to read!
>2 It is what comes up as I type.... some ideas may be seconds old!
>
>With this in mind here goes
>Good news incidents!
>Yes I too have had similar experiences, I approach conversations with
>parents/ teachers and children with empathy first as my way to start,
>preferring to connect first now and then find a way forward.
>Tomorrow I am in one of the high schools I work in and I am preparing myself
>to spend the day empathising with the teachers ... as they come to me for
>consultation about the pupils with behaviour difficulties. I will need
>plenty of energy for this and empathy myself!
>
>Jack you wrote
>
>
>
>>Now,
>>
>>
>with NVC, I'm willing to spend more time in  reflection and empathy,
>so the person is properly understood.
>
>
>>However, a colleague challenged this, suggesting it's a hangover of
>>psychodynamic thinking...that the person has to ventilate/unbottle
>>their bad feelings before being able to move on to solution-building.
>>
>>
>
>This for me is interesting... i don't view being with some one in empathy as
>a chance for them to ventilate/unbottle... just as a chance for them to find
>space/ support/ and connection - for them to be connected to their feelings
>which are telling them what needs of their aren't being met. I'm wondering
>how we have ended up with this idea that there is such a thing as 'bad
>feelings' that we want to get rid of... anyway for me I notice that when
>someone is connected to their needs the story / issue / problem falls away
>and then I can move on into a creative space/ problem solving
>
>
>
>>I wonder if that is around in Marshall's thinking.  Some SF
>>practitioners do go quickly to the preferred future, without lots of
>>problem-empathy.
>>
>>My preliminary thought is that this is not about ventilation, it's
>>about top quality communication, and about allowing movement  from
>>their presenting (Jackal) formulations to giraffe recognition of
>>feelings and needs.  Maybe identifying the needs would inform the way
>>the person goes on to describe their preferred future.  I would
>>welcome comments about SFBT  and NVC.
>>
>>
>>
>
>Yes.... i think this is what I have said!!!
>
>I have done a few days training in Solution Focussed Brief Therapy. the
>second lot I did was about 18 months after starting work in nvc. I noticed
>that the SFBT was useful for me, however I kept slipping into nvc as I tried
>to practice it on our course as I preferred the deeper level of connection
>which I got with the other person then if I just stuck to SFBT.
>Now I am not sure how much the SFBT training I have integrated.... I do
>enjoy using some of the questions ... last week I asked a year 6 pupil to
>tell me where he was out of ten for his behaviour in class. however I notice
>that I did this after I had guessed his feelings and needs and was in a
>place of connection with him that he was comfortable with. I also was ready
>with empathy when he talked about how he was never going to get to a 10/10.
>
>hope this is useful/ interesting
>Shona
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Dear Jack and others
I am intrigued by exploring some of the issues you raise in this posting,
although I want to start with a couple of health warnings about what I am
writing
1 I am consious this may be an 'educational psychology type' answer be aware
as you may chose not to read!
2 It is what comes up as I type.... some ideas may be seconds old!

With this in mind here goes
Good news incidents!
Yes I too have had similar experiences, I approach conversations with
parents/ teachers and children with empathy first as my way to start,
preferring to connect first now and then find a way forward.
Tomorrow I am in one of the high schools I work in and I am preparing myself
to spend the day empathising with the teachers ... as they come to me for
consultation about the pupils with behaviour difficulties. I will need
plenty of energy for this and empathy myself!

Jack you wrote

> Now,
with NVC, I'm willing to spend more time in  reflection and empathy,
so the person is properly understood.
> However, a colleague challenged this, suggesting it's a hangover of
> psychodynamic thinking...that the person has to ventilate/unbottle
> their bad feelings before being able to move on to solution-building.

This for me is interesting... i don't view being with some one in empathy as
a chance for them to ventilate/unbottle... just as a chance for them to find
space/ support/ and connection - for them to be connected to their feelings
which are telling them what needs of their aren't being met. I'm wondering
how we have ended up with this idea that there is such a thing as 'bad
feelings' that we want to get rid of... anyway for me I notice that when
someone is connected to their needs the story / issue / problem falls away
and then I can move on into a creative space/ problem solving

> I wonder if that is around in Marshall's thinking.  Some SF
> practitioners do go quickly to the preferred future, without lots of
> problem-empathy.
>
> My preliminary thought is that this is not about ventilation, it's
> about top quality communication, and about allowing movement  from
> their presenting (Jackal) formulations to giraffe recognition of
> feelings and needs.  Maybe identifying the needs would inform the way
> the person goes on to describe their preferred future.  I would
> welcome comments about SFBT  and NVC.
>

Yes.... i think this is what I have said!!!

I have done a few days training in Solution Focussed Brief Therapy. the
second lot I did was about 18 months after starting work in nvc. I noticed
that the SFBT was useful for me, however I kept slipping into nvc as I tried
to practice it on our course as I preferred the deeper level of connection
which I got with the other person then if I just stuck to SFBT.
Now I am not sure how much the SFBT training I have integrated.... I do
enjoy using some of the questions ... last week I asked a year 6 pupil to
tell me where he was out of ten for his behaviour in class. however I notice
that I did this after I had guessed his feelings and needs and was in a
place of connection with him that he was comfortable with. I also was ready
with empathy when he talked about how he was never going to get to a 10/10.

hope this is useful/ interesting
Shona

I'm looking forward to reading about  people's NVC/education
experience on this list, so wishing to start the ball rolling...

RECENT NVC- good news incidents from daily Ed Psych work.

A headteacher overheard my consultee-teacher summarising the
strategies we had developed for a behaviour concern.
Headteacher: "Is that the best you can do!"
NVC good news:  I  remembered for a while to give empathy first
(So ..... is really important for you, am I right?)  rather than
argue with him.., even though feeling somewhat angry! This seemed to
enable later more successful communication, with a more positive
approach from the Head.

A colleague expressed her exasperation with a professional contact
who she had perceived as showboating,laying down the law etc. Over
lunch I sketched out NVC ideas, and asked  What were her own unmet
needs that underlay the strength of her emotional response? What
might be the unmet needs of the other person that were behind his
presentation.  My colleague went through this process and experienced
a big emotional shift, expressing surprising gratitude afterwards.
Next time she met the person, she told me that she coped much better
Then she looked up the website for the next NVC foundation course!

Interviews with teachers:  a question for the list

>From a solution-focused background I had tended to move quickly over
the problem-talk, to get onto describing the preferred future. Now,
with NVC, I'm willing to spend more time in  reflection and empathy,
so the person is properly understood.

However, a colleague challenged this, suggesting it's a hangover of
psychodynamic thinking...that the person has to ventilate/unbottle
their bad feelings before being able to move on to solution-building.
I wonder if that is around in Marshall's thinking.  Some SF
practitioners do go quickly to the preferred future, without lots of
problem-empathy.

My preliminary thought is that this is not about ventilation, it's
about top quality communication, and about allowing movement  from
their presenting (Jackal) formulations to giraffe recognition of
feelings and needs.  Maybe identifying the needs would inform the way
the person goes on to describe their preferred future.  I would
welcome comments about SFBT  and NVC.

Hello everyone
I'm delighted to have heard about this list from Bridget's mailing. I'm
looking forward to  mutual encouragement for using NVC in education.  I
work as an Educational Psychologist in central Bristol with many Somali
and other minor students;  and I'm also a member of  the second practice
group here, and struggling to do NVC.
So far the main impact of NVC on my work has been to spend lots more
time on empathy than I did before. Otherwise, I continue with my
solution-focused approach, and would like to make more use of NVC.  I'm
proud  that it's an  EP who has set up this list for us....Thanks  Shona!

Dear All
After talking to Daren yesterday my germ of an idea to let you know what I
have been up to has now born fruit. Meet my need for sharing and community!

As I now work in a multiagency pilot project here in Tameside(Greater
Manchester) I have been talking about and training in Nonviolent
Communication in schools more and more.

Last week I gave a presentation to heads of service within Children's and
Young Peoples services. Part of which I linked to the Every Child Matters
document- this document now underpins what we are doing in education and
social services now and has a whole section on building a work force with
appropriate skills- empathy being one of them. Wondered if it would be
useful to use this elsewhere to spread nvc  as vital to this end!- so is
linked here.
http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/deliveringservices/commoncore/communication/


Leading up to Marshall's visit to Tameside next May- (23rd for those who
don't know) Laura Harvey and I are wanting to offer Foundation Courses to as
many people as possible- I am in the middle of organising this and trying to
make sure we begin to spread the word about next May. One high school is
interested as are other serives- Youth Offending team, the police and the
mental health workers on my new team

warmly
Shona

--- In NVC-EducationUK@..., "Lorraine"
<lorrainekelly@y...> wrote:
> At the moment I am studying for a PG Cert in Management in FE and
one
> of the debates is the endemic nature of bullying in FE and I have
also
> been aware of the debate when I worked in secondary education. How
do
> you maintain a connection with a bully (or bullies) and at the
same
> time be non judgemental and be safe yourself?
>
> Warmly
> Lorraine

Hi Lorraine,
This is how I wouild imagine approaching the situation you describe
from an NVC perspective:
Firstly, by non-judgemental I presume you mean not judging the bully
to be 'wrong' or 'bad' or even a 'bully'.  If I am using NVC I do
make 'judgements', but my judgements are life-connected, ie. based
on the needs alive in me that are being met or not met in any
situation.  Making my judgements in relation to my needs, and
communicating my needs to others, is less likely to stimulate a
defensive reaction, or an attack from the other person.

'Bully' is a label that some people apply to a person who is meeting
their needs in a way that isn't meeting the needs of others,
generally by using some form of coercion, often involving the threat
of, or actual, physical or emotional hurt.  If I relate to this
person as a human being rather than a 'bully', I imagine I will be
able to maintain a connection with them.

I can maintain a connection with this person by emapthically
connecting with the needs that are alive in them: either the needs
driving their 'bullying' behaviour, or perhaps more usefully the
needs alive in them whilst I am talking to him / her.  In my
experience, when I am communicating with people who have a history
of violent behaviour, I feel confident that I will be safe if I am
able to maintain empathy with them, by accurately guessing their
needs, (or feelings, observations or requests).  If I communicate
with them using jackal language - blaming, criticising, labeling or
judging them - they are more likely to get angry and hurt me in some
way.

As well as connecting with their needs, I would want to communicate
the needs in me that aren't being met by their behaviour.  If I am
successful in getting them connected to these unmet needs in me, we
might manage to look at ways that they could meet their needs that
would also meet mine.  E.g. how could they meet their needs for fun,
in a way that would also meet my need for people to show respect to
one another.

I was very struck by an article in the London Evening Standard about
4 months about a Head Teacher in a London secondary school who dealt
with a huge problem with bullying and behaviour in her school by
befriending 6 or so of the 'ring-leaders' in each year.  She even
made some of them prefects and managed to turn the behaviour of most
of them around.  I guess she related to them as 'humans' rather
than 'bullies'.

Sometimes someone I am trying to connect with may be in so much
pain, or have some mental health difficulties, to the extent that
they are not able to hear my attempts at connecting empathically
with them.  If they also had a history of violent behaviour towards
others, I might want to take extra steps to ensure my safety, such
as having the support of other people when I approach them.

Does this help you at all, Lorraine?

Warm wishes,

Daren De Witt

--- In NVC-EducationUK@..., "Lorraine"
<lorrainekelly@y...> wrote:
> At the moment I am studying for a PG Cert in Management in FE and
one
> of the debates is the endemic nature of bullying in FE and I have
also
> been aware of the debate when I worked in secondary education. How
do
> you maintain a connection with a bully (or bullies) and at the
same
> time be non judgemental and be safe yourself?
>
> Warmly
> Lorraine

Hi Lorraine,
This is how I wouild imagine approaching the situation you describe
from an NVC perspective:
Firstly, by non-judgemental I presume you mean not judging the bully
to be 'wrong' or 'bad' or even a 'bully'.  If I am using NVC I do
make 'judgements', but my judgements are life-connected, ie. based
on the needs alive in me that are being met or not met in any
situation.  Making my judgements in relation to my needs, and
communicating my needs to others, is less likely to stimulate a
defensive reaction, or an attack from the other person.

'Bully' is a label that some people apply to a person who is meeting
their needs in a way that isn't meeting the needs of others,
generally by using some form of coercion, often involving the threat
of, or actual, physical or emotional hurt.  If I relate to this
person as a human being rather than a 'bully', I imagine I will be
able to maintain a connection with them.

I can maintain a connection with this person by emapthically
connecting with the needs that are alive in them: either the needs
driving their 'bullying' behaviour, or perhaps more usefully the
needs alive in them whilst I am talking to him / her.  In my
experience, when I am communicating with people who have a history
of violent behaviour, I feel confident that I will be safe if I am
able to maintain empathy with them, by accurately guessing their
needs, (or feelings, observations or requests).  If I communicate
with them using jackal language - blaming, criticising, labeling or
judging them - they are more likely to get angry and hurt me in some
way.

As well as connecting with their needs, I would want to communicate
the needs in me that aren't being met by their behaviour.  If I am
successful in getting them connected to these unmet needs in me, we
might manage to look at ways that they could meet their needs that
would also meet mine.  E.g. how could they meet their needs for fun,
in a way that would also meet my need for people to show respect to
one another.

I was very struck by an article in the London Evening Standard about
4 months about a Head Teacher in a London secondary school who dealt
with a huge problem with bullying and behaviour in her school by
befriending 6 or so of the 'ring-leaders' in each year.  She even
made some of them prefects and managed to turn the behaviour of most
of them around.  I guess she related to them as 'humans' rather
than 'bullies'.

Sometimes someone I am trying to connect with may be in so much
pain, or have some mental health difficulties, to the extent that
they are not able to hear my attempts at connecting empathically
with them.  If they also had a history of violent behaviour towards
others, I might want to take extra steps to ensure my safety, such
as having the support of other people when I approach them.

Does this help you at all, Lorraine?

Warm wishes,

Daren De Witt

At the moment I am studying for a PG Cert in Management in FE and one
of the debates is the endemic nature of bullying in FE and I have also
been aware of the debate when I worked in secondary education. How do
you maintain a connection with a bully (or bullies) and at the same
time be non judgemental and be safe yourself?

Warmly
Lorraine

Dear Lorraine and Amola
Am so excited to see you have joined less than 24 hours since I
created this group!
I don't intend to do anything with this group in terms of moderating
it- no time... am happy to see where it goes!
with wamr wishes
Shona

Dear Lorraine and Amola
Am so excited to see you have joined less than 24 hours since I
created this group!
I don't intend to do anything with this group in terms of moderating
it- no time... am happy to see where it goes!
with wamr wishes
Shona

Hello,

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