TITLE: You Make Me Feel
AUTHOR: Vid Z.
PAIRING: Mulder/Reyes
TIMELINE: a day or two after Empedocles
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the
TV show JAG are the property of their respective owners. The original
characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The
author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers
of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've been a Mulder/Scully shipper since the pilot ep,
but had to admit that there was some major chemistry between Mulder
and Monica, completely natural and genuine, not the fake and forced
kind, IMHO, they had her have with Doggett. Because there was a
definite, unexplained, coolness in his relationship with Scully, this
attraction and chemistry was even more obvious. Hell, they were
practically identical. This had caused me to become a Mulder/Reyes
shipper. There is such a shortage of MRR fics so I've decided to write
one. Hope you like it!

SUMMARY: Mulder and Monica finally have the long-overdue conversation
and some interesting discoveries are made.

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"I love Scully. She loves me. Deeply on both counts." Mulder explained.

Monica listened to him raptly, until just recently they had not spent
any amount of time just by themselves. It was thus the first time
Mulder had spoken to her about his private life.

"But we are friends and that's all we'll ever be. While I am sad
because of it, it's a good friendship and I glad to have it."

This intrigued Monica as there was much more to this relationship than
just friendship.

"But how can you accept it if you love her? What about the baby?
Doesn't it deserve a real family?"

A sad smile appeared on Mulder's lips. "I'm going to tell you
something no-one else knows, so I would appreciate it if you tell
no-one, not even Doggett."

"I swear, Mulder, you can trust me." she saw him search her eyes for a
clue if she was telling the truth and seconds later he appeared appeased.

"2 years ago, Scully and I tried for a baby with an IVF. It didn't take."

"Then how?"

"Contrary to the water cooler talk, Scully and I have never been
lovers. In all these years we have made love but one time. That one
time was all it took, it seems."

"So, how do you know about there being no chance for more between you
two?"

He pointed to a plaque on the wall. "I've put my Oxford diploma to
work. Scully has been sending me clear signals even at the time of the
IVF that there would be nothing more between us. I would've been more
of an Uncle to the baby than Daddy, had it succeeded." he said it
completely calmly, without bitterness or resentment.

"Still, that doesn't mean anything. Signals can be misinterpreted." it
was obvious to Monica that Mulder had given up, yet could not fathom
the reason, because she didn't know Mulder and Scully's relationship
good enough.

"Reyes, I told her clearly that I love her. I've told her that she's
my touchstone, my one in five billions. I have never told that to any
other woman. Scully didn't react to any of these clear declarations,
except for saying 'Oh, brother' when I told her I loved her. Hell, I
even kissed her several times. That's pretty clear to me. Had she
wanted anything more between us, she would have reacted appropriately
to one of the numerous times that I've tried."

"I guess you're right. Yet, is that enough of a proof? Do you have
anything more to solidify this theory with before you make a decision
that you won't be able to change later on?"

Mulder sighed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing the bridge of his
nose tiredly.

"Scully is not the marrying type. Okay, that was a little harsh, but I
have facts that support that theory. Before the cancer Scully had
never even thought of having children, never once seriously in all the
years we have known each other. At Christmas, the same year,
something's changed."

Monica looked puzzled for a while, until recognition showed on her
face. "The little girl she wanted to adopt? The one that was supposed
to have been her daughter? I've read it in her file before I was
transferred here."

Mulder nodded. "That's the one. Emily. She was an alien-human hybrid,
created with the help of Scully's ova, harvested while she was missing
for those three months. She wanted to adopt her, but she wanted to do
it alone. Yes, she called me to help her in some matters, but she made
it clear that she would be adopting Emily and taking care of her on
her own. I was welcome as a friend, but nothing more. The same was
with the IVF. She asked me to be a donor. That's big, I know, but it's
not everything. After having known her for 7 years at that point, I
read what she meant to say. I would be the donor, but only an uncle to
the baby. Maybe the baby would even know I was it's father, but it
would've been more of the type of relationship divorced fathers have
with their children. Time with the baby only over the weekend and so
on... I would never have been allowed to be a real Daddy and a life
partner to Scully. I've made my peace with it, doesn't mean I'm happy
about it though. I still have our friendship and access to the baby
and I know she'd never take that from me. A husband just never was
part of her plans for life, children lately yes, but not a husband."

"I always had the impression that she was fiercely self-sufficient and
that she rather wouldn't tie herself to a man than lose that
independence." mused Monica.

"I don't think it's that. Scully is Catholic and I think that's her
way of rebelling against her mother, her upbringing, the Church,...
You know what religious parents and the clergy want... married,
dutiful, obeying sheeps that have a serial production of new
subjects/sheeps for the Church. It's not as bad as in the history,
especially in Europe, where the Church took a very large part of a
person's income regularily. There are known examples where monasteries
and chapels, even female-order monasteries, were such exploitors,
squeezing everything out of their subjects, that their subjects
rebelled. It happened quite frequently. Many examples are known of
peasants rebelling against the taxes that the local clergy took from
them in the former austrian empire, especially in 16th and 17th
century. Churches, monasteries were land owners of large expanses of
land, ruling them with as hard a fist as any other landlord. Look at
the Vatican, where do you think the Church got so much money from for
such grand buildings, art, expensive clothes, jewelry, furniture,...
There were even many examples of when a priest was called to give a
man his Last Rite that the priest convinced the dying man to write a
Last Will in which he gave everything he had to the Church. Even
though she was a loyal subject most of her life, in the last years
Scully seems to have rebelled against what she'd been taught and
having a child without marriage, or even a man, is a manifestation of
it. But don't take my words for law, I'm just speculating. Scully and
I have this strangely functional dysfunctional relationship that
consits of things being read between the line, things not being given
voice to, silent communication,... and you know how reliable all these
ways are..."

Monica chuckled. She sure knew all right, her relationship with John
was the same.

"What about you? We've never had much chance to talk to each other
privately, without the other two."

Monica blushed, though she had to admit she had anticipated such a
question, since they were talking about this topic.

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