I applaud the catharsis that is manifesting on the Internet, which provides a
forum for exorcism and expurgation that until now would have been conceptually
unthinkable. I applaud those who have seized the opportunity to bare their souls
and unburden their sufferings, thereby encouraging an entire generation to share
also in their efforts to find closure and release.

I am Matthew Woolf’s mother and my purpose in contributing to this record is
twofold. Firstly to acknowledge my personal responsibility for failing to
protect him from what was going on, as graphically described in his lucid
account at the opening of the other thread on St Vedast. Secondly, that I was so
lacking in discrimination to have succumbed to the veneer of spiritual and moral
justification that engulfed so many acolytes of the system that was promulgated
as “the teaching”.

There was a slow and painful realisation of the depth of the pervading ignorance
unfortunately too late – for the damage had been done. For this I seek his
forgiveness, and I pray every day of my life that he will, through his inner
reserve of strength, find healing.
I have seen today’s St. James School for Girls – quite a different atmosphere
prevails, run by enlightened heads who seem to have fully taken on the
iniquities of the past. Much has been learned I assume from past mistakes. But
until the victims of the early school find closure, and until their suffering is
acknowledged, healing cannot take place, and the S.E.S cannot move on. Spiritual
teachings, however great, and I believe the SES had access to the purest source,
can be corrupted.

An ancient wisdom was presented through MacLaren’s particular vision. These, and
there were many highly discerning people, drew from it what was appropriate for
them, and I do not wish to decry the really great work the “School” has done in
many areas. There are many intelligent and discriminating people in the S.E.S
truly devoted to a spiritual teaching of the highest order. But as adults we
chose to go. It became a way of life to us, all our friends were there, and all
our natural tendencies were seen as limitations to overcome. The children did
not have this choice. We as parents put them there because we believed that the
decadent values of the “common life” would prevent them from attaining the
spiritual development that was denied to us. MacLaren believed the more pliable
natures of the young would take to the spiritual life more easily. He instructed
the “teachers” to use corporal punishment at the slightest sign of wilfulness.
These men had carte blanche – the blessing from on high. This was totally contra
to all that the teaching said about the education of children. To Matthew, who
happens to be an unusually sensitive and creative person, this was the worst
possible school.

MacLaren saw himself as a Medici Prince bringing about a new Renaissance.
Unfortunately as a man he had his own demons to contend with, and he had more
than a touch of the Savonarola about him. A powerful teaching in the wrong hands
can bring out the brute which lies very near the surface in some men. This, in
the days of my son and his contemporaries, proved a particularly lethal cocktail
when mixed with the worst aspects of the British public school system’s long
out-moded educational techniques, which paid no heed to the causes behind a
child’s misdemeanour, but simply to beat them into conformity. Excellence was
attributed to those clever enough to work within the system. Surely each new
generation has to make their own discoveries. The spiritual path which the SES
attempts to understand emanates from the highest source, but as with The Torah
and The Quoran, all great teachings, are gradually revealed through long and
devoted study, and we have seen can easily be misinterpreted. For this reason,
it should never be forced upon anyone.

It heartens me to hear that some of those who suffered under the system have
gone on to lead creative lives despite it. Alex, my older son has put his
talents as a writer and publisher to great purpose in producing books for
schools and libraries throughout the world, offering the best in enlightened
education and instilling a love of learning which he never experienced at St.
Vedast. As for Matthew, life has been and still is a struggle with the O.C.D,
which has proved a very difficult condition to overcome despite all the
treatments he has undergone. His great and poetic nature comes through his words
and music, which give expression to both his wisdom, compassion and grief, yet
overall ultimate optimism. Are these not the ingredients of true spirituality? I
shall end with the words to one of is greatest songs.

Anita Woolf


Destiny

It was never meant to be
It wasn’t in my destiny
I took on more than I could do
I bit off more than I could chew

As I sat on my Grandfather’s knee
I used to listen so patiently
And I remember what he said to me
He said the devil’s shortcoming was always his greed

He said the spoon was way too wide
And so he could never get it inside
He lacked the vision to help him grow
‘cos he couldn’t see further than the end of his nose

You’ve got to be a little bit patient
‘cos sometimes your potential is latent
They say all good things come to those that wait
It’s never too late

You’ve got to let your spirit run free
Away from the material and worldly
You’ve got to feel the fear and do it anyway
At least that’s what they say….


©.2002 Matthew Woolf