Hi Jonathan

I'm not a diagnosed Aspie either. But I'm quite sure I have Aspergers
(actually I get various Aspergers help even without the proper diagnosis -
it takes so long to get a diagnosis here, I've been to see 3 people already
about getting a diagnosis and still have to wait to see a Psychiatrist (or
Psychologist - can't remember which one!) before I can get a full diagnosis.
The way I think I have Aspergers though is because a number of people all
thought the same. I got a magazine from the University I went (Uni of
Central Lancs) and it had an article in August 2000 about Aspergers
Syndrome, I read it and at first I had a feeling it might sound a bit like
me but didn't query it until December 2000 (I was a bit afraid at first
because I didn't know how to mention it to my mum, even though my mum was
aware that I had some kind of disability due to my behaviour throughout
school, college & university - and about how neurotic and shy I am). Then
in November 2000 I started going dizzy when I went out and I didn't tell my
mum, I really was so scared when going out. In February 1999 I had been
attacked by a dog and had always been really scared about going out in open
spaces where dogs might be so I presumed automatically that these dizzy
spells were me getting really worked up about being in areas where there
could be anything waiting (dogs, muggers, theives, etc, etc) and I found
that by listening to calming music (like Enya, The KLF (Chill Out), 808
State, etc) I could ignore this dizzyness and get on with what I was doing.
But this dizzyness kept going worse and worse (and then also there was the
thing on the news about people having BSE and I was really worried then that
what if this dizzyness was BSE, I'm a vegetarian now but back during BSE
time I ate quite a lot of beef. There was also my mum and dad split up, but
my dad kept (and still does keep) pestering my mum, the problem with my mum
is she can be walked on quite easily and I keep telling her that I'd get the
police involved or smash up his car next time he comes (believe me if I was
my mum I WOULD - I have a very short temper at times!). When my dad pesters
my mum though he brings her stuff like free food or drinks or milk. Then I
was also concerned that the strange behaviour my dad has could mean he is
tampering with this food and causing the dizzyness (maybe even poisoning
us).). In the end I got really scared to go out and didn't go to anything
anymore, I was helping with the cub scouts and learning Sign Language and
doing a Gang Show which I stopped doing all in about January 2000 as I just
couldn't cope anymore. I went to one sign language course and I got to the
bottom of the stairs of the college and thought to myself I am not going to
make it up these stairs without collapsing I felt so dizzy, all the other
people were going up in the lift so I called out to the one I knew the most
and she stopped the lift and came to help me (with a first aider). They
wanted to take me to hospital, I wanted to go home. After that I spent
about 3 months trying to go back out again. I tried it first (after the
doctor had told me I was getting anxiety attacks) to go back to the cubs one
night, got to the cubs and half way through the night just got so worked up
I had to ask the cub leader for a lift home (I had intended to go on
afterwards to the Gang Show but that didn't happen, that year I missed Gang
Show, but managed to see the show with the help of the Venture unit). In
March 2000, 3 months after I'd stopped going out with the anxiety I realised
that enough was enough I had to get out somehow (I'd spent 3 months on the
internet 24/7 and realised I had to fight the anxiety in some way). I
realise now it was actually Agrophobia that was causing me to stay in 24/7
(I still get agrophobic now, I went to Alton Towers recently and tried to go
on Terror At The Towers but you have to queue in a tunnel with loads of
other people which made me really nervous - so nervous I didn't go on the
ride). So in March I called the local Venture scout unit, officially
Ventures finishes at 20 and I was 22 then but they let me go back to get me
over the Anxiety attacks. Then after spending a few months with the
Ventures, Karin Quarrie sent me a load of information about Aspergers
Syndrome. She told me that Ray's wife (the cub leader that I helped with
cubs with) and her both thought seperately that I could have Aspergers.
Ray's wife was a special needs teacher that helps kids with Aspergers and
Ray also helped kids at a residential school as well. And Karin had a cub
once with Aspergers and she remembered what he was like. Now I've got in
touch with two Autistic groups in Warrington, WAspS and Autism Initiatives,
Avonia from WAspS has told me she'll be very suprised if at the end of the
day I don't get a postitive diagnosis.

One thing I do notice though about you is you also think like me. When it
says "for people with an Aspergers Diagnosis" that doesn't count people who
are waiting for diagnosis. The funny thing is these groups that mention
this are done for people with Aspergers (or awaiting diagnosis) and by
putting stuff like that will put people off who have Aspergers (undiagnosed)
because they'll think well I don't have a diagnosis so I can't really go in
for it (literal thinking!). It took me 3 months to call Aspergers United to
ask for a subscription, they were very good and allowed me to have a
subscription, but really they could do with putting it as a magazine for
people with Aspergers or awaiting diagnosis.

There is an AQ Test you can take on the net to find out whether or not you
could possibly have it - take a look at this website and answer the
questions:-

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

Please note though this does not mean 100% whether or not you have it, if
you take it and think you may have it its best to seek advice from a
professional. btw I just took it and scored 48 - score 32 or higher and it
is quite a possibility of Aspergers. But also I've got a friend that I'm
quite sure how I know him he probably too would score somewhere in the 40's,
he goes to Ventures with me and will never shut up, he just talks and talks
even when you are getting really bored of what was being said. I might see
if he'll take the test. Another thing I've noticed with Aspergers is left
handedness. This isn't always the case but I have a thought that it may be
something to do with Aspergers (I have a friend with Aspergers who is right
handed, although the way he writes with his right hand I think he's just
been forced to write with it). But here is why I think Aspergers & Left
Handedness may be linked. This information is from everything I've picked
up off the internet, you can draw your own conclusions from this if you
think its correct. The brain is split into two sides, the right and the
left, the left controls communication stuff and the right controls numeracy.
With Aspergers the right side of the brain is more developed than the left.
Also the opposite side of the brain to the handedness you are controls your
hand (i.e. if your right handed then the left side of your brain has
domination over hand control, and vice versa - so people who are left handed
are actually "right in the head" ;) ). Now what I've realised this means is
that people who are left handed, the right side of there brain must be more
developed than the left (as they have the hand co-ordination on that side of
the brain), which would also tie in with the thing that causes Aspergers
(the right side of the brain being more developed than the left). The other
strange thing is they claim that more Dyslexics are left handed and there is
a link to Dyslexia and Aspergers (and Dyspraxia), Einstien had dyslexia but
now they think he could quite possibly have had Aspergers (looking at the
repetition in his work), also for years my teachers used to think I could be
slightly dislexic but found very little - instead they told me I had
attention seeking disorder and hyperactivity.

Anyway I hope this helps and that you managed to concentrate for long enough
to read to the end, usually when I start typing an e-mail I can't stop!

> Sounds like a good name for a song (or something like it).
>
> OK, I shouldn't be here. I've not be diagnosed with AS. However, part
> of me thinks I should be. Part of me thinks I'm just no good at
> managing my life and I've a childish inability to manage my feelings.
>
> I'm 40 years old. I got onto the idea of AS watching "Waking The
> Dead" the other night. They had this AS character, and they referred
> to his relationships being all or nothing. That struck a chord. I've
> been going to psychotherapy for a while, and that's an area my
> therapist has been trying to address. Along with my fear of being
> ripped off by all organisations I've come into contact with, my lack
> of sympathy with authority and a few others. Then my wife told me
> that my two years ago my (now) five year old had been referred by the
> playgroup for various behavioural issues about mixing. Apparently, as
> the Health Visitor went through her AS Checklist my wife's replies
> were all "No, he doesn't do that, but my husband does".
>
> Half of me sees AS as a reason for why life has been the way it has,
> the other half says I just need a good kick up the rear to grow up a
> bit and stop being so spoilt.
>
> I'd like to know what I should do next.



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