> --- In aspiesdugout@..., "Jonners" <jonmartin@b...> wrote:
> >
>
> HI
>
> Well, wow, what can I say, 'cept I know exactly what you mean, sorry
> this reply is so late, but i've only just joined. I have had some very
> negative experiences during my childhood, and we do tend to treat
> others as we have been treated, as we learn by example when we are
> children. The difference is that, in the case of my father, who is
> a 'classic Aspie'; Whilst he knows that he is ostracised, and feels
> very sad about that at times, he is totally oblivious to the reasons
> why, even at 73. He is of the opinion that it is all the other people
> around him that are stupid and ignorant scum, and that he is of a far
> higher intelligence and order, therefore he has built his own
> protection, as he has been hurt so badly in the past because he has
> never been diagnosed, and has always been misunderstood. He is unable
> to reflect on his own behaviour in a critical way, and cannot see how
> his behaviour is perceived by others. He gets very agressive if you
> question his actions or statements. I once dared to ask him if he felt
> that he may have AS like my daughter, but he got very upset, and I had
> to pacify him by telling him that it is generally a condition of the
> highly intelligent, but he still got obsessed about it for a while, and
> needed much reassurance.
>
> The only way that my dad has survived is by creating his own world, and
> surrounding himself with all that is important to him. He is very lucky
> to have my mum, who is dedicated to him ( although his is very unkind
> to her), and I visit almost daily to lift some of the stress, as he
> really is badly affected.
>
> Living with dad when I was a child was a nightmare. Sorry to all the
> aspies out there who are excellent, intelligent parents, I know that
> dad was in a minority, and I grew up displaying many aspie tendancies.
> As a strange twist of fate, my first born daugher was born with AS and
> has a diagnosis and receives a full time statement at school as a
> result. She is so much like dad, and it made me realise that I do not
> have AS, although some things I thought and did were similar, it really
> was nurture rather than nature. I love my daughter and we have a very
> special relationship thanks to the experience of dad.
>
> The bottom line is, it doesn't matter whether you are a true "Aspie" or
> not, if the thoughts and behaviour is there, then support is needed,
> and help with learning to cope in this very judgemental world that we
> live in.
>
> Sorry to waffle, but if you've read this far - thanks
>
> Liz
>

Thank you Liz for a sincere answer. I know it must have been difficult
to grow up with an Aspie father. I know this most people here will
dissagree, but I think that autistic people simply can't be good
parents. No matter how hard they try, I don't think they can moraly
prepare their child to grow up and live in the sociaty. I'm not saying
that all of you, who have kids are bad parents, I'm saying that you
can't be as good as normal people. Of course, if you have AS, propably
you children will have it too. And thats a problem, becouse such
parents subconsciousnly will not try to soften or eliminate those
traits. Becouse by doing that you would make your child different from
you and thats like saying "I'm a bad human, so my child has to be
different". But the problem is that it would be better for your child,
becouse eventually he WILL have to grow up and live by his own and
live in the society, just like we all had. And there a problem. For
example, if you could go back in time, what yo would do differently. I
know I would change a lot so a wasn't such a looser. Of course, its
not your fault. All the parents subconsciousnly try to make their
children like them, thats just the way it is, but it doesn't make life
for your chldren better.
Liz, you said that youre not a true aspie. How different you are, what
traits you don't have that your child and your dad has? As I
understand you're saying that those traits, that you had thought were
signs of AS, appeared socialy becouse youre father was an aspie. But
remember that AS is probably a genetic problem, so your child got
those symptoms becouse you had them, and you got them from your
father. Of course, you may be different in some ways becouse we all
are different and may have some problems, that other don't. So
propably you are an aspie.
And there's a problem with my. My parents are not autistic, at least I
can't see any signs of them being. Sometimes they show some traits,
for example my father repeats words and my mother is a bit cold. But
pretty much all the time they are just like all other people, and I'm
not. And my sis, well we were a vit similar when we were children, but
when we grew up and went to universities, she completely changed. But
I remain a looser.