Dear Gaynor

Thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to reply to my plea
for help.

I live in London so doubt whether I will be able to get Dr. Williams
to help.

I did not have delayed language problems but I was always thought of
as "slow" and a "plodder" at school. I had a lot of
problems "fitting in" with the other kids, mainly due to non-
comprehension and teasing/bullying/sarcasm.

I managed to hold down an oil company job for 5 years until
communication problems and misunderstandings with my colleagues +
stress led to the "breakdown" in 1984.

I got the sack afterwards because I was on 200mg of Largactil a day
and kept falling asleep on the night shifts.

The best job I have ever done is working as a cleaner/catering
assistant by the sea. I had routine to my day, did not have to
concentrate overmuch and could use my spare time to follow my
interests in geology and maps.

I have had some good help from some employment advisors in London.
None of them had even heard of Asperger's syndrome, but I was
prepared to "give it a go" as I am willing to try ANYTHING which will
get me back into useful employment without making myself ill in the
process.

I went to several group therapy sessions here, and, amazingly, found
that I could get on well with all the other delegates. They seemed
to find me an inspiration for their own problems. Being a
typical "aspie", I have no hesitation in speaking out in
front of the
others, no matter how embarrassing this might be on a personal
basis. So, do not be frightened to take up offers of group
therapies, they really do work as the environment can be very
supportive with none of the bullying and misunderstandings one
encounters normally.

We went through quite a few computerised aptitude tests which match
skills to jobs and the following jobs came up for me

Local Government Clerical officer
Carer for elderly people
Cartographer

I have been advised to avoid manager roles and too much "multi-
tasking" as this would simply overwhelm me. (Incidentally, this
never looks good on my application forms as no-one can understand why
apply for lowly jobs when I have had a good education). Instead I
need jobs where the objectives are clear and I can get good feedback
on how I am getting on. This is why they think care for the elderly
will be good. The pay will be hopeless but at least I could work in
a home near the sea, and, with my extensive computing and database
skills, could help out in the home with their paperwork as well.
Sometimes I "pretend" that I have not got the Geology degrees
at all
so that I will not get turned down for the jobs.

I am currently working for the "not-so-civil" Civil Service
where my
bosses are lawyers and have no understanding or sympathy for anyone
who shows any signs of mental fragility. I have had a terrible time
with them, right since I started in 1987. We have had re-
organisation after re-organisation and the rules keep changing every
week. I declared my disability to them in 1995 when the DDE came in,
but, because I cannot get a written diagnosis of Aspergers I have to
write down "depression". I managed to move into computing
but other
staff still thought I was "stupid" and a "nutter" and
would tell my
line managers that they thought this in front of me. (As though I
wasn't there) The latest crisis was in late 2001 and I have not
worked since then. They will not pension me off, and all the
employment doctors I have seen keep saying it is them who should make
the adjustments, not me.

I got a provisional diagnosis of Aspergers' when I paid a lot of
money and went to see a psychiatrist privately, but my current
psychiatrists refuse to acknowledge this appointment and will not
write to the psychiatrist who knows about Aspergers. Whenever I
mention Aspergers' they just "blank" me and state that
they are
treating me for the symptoms of depression and not the underlying
cause. I am trying to get a referral for the CLASS diagnosis in
Cambridge, but my GP will not refer me because he says it's my
psychiatrists' job. And I cannot get another psychiatric
appointment
until June 2003.

I am currently on 30mg of Seroxat a day, which makes me drowsy and
affects my concentration. I liked your suggestion of vitamin and
zinc for the serotonin, Gaynor, as Seroxat is supposed to be a
serotonin re-uptake inhibitor.

Yes, the ECT was outrageous, but, usual problem, no-one understood it
then. And it still frightens me because so many psychiatric staff do
not understand it even now in 2003. Amazing.

Anyway I hope that my info on jobs and help might inspire you and
anyone else who is reading this.

We really need to make our voices heard, and anything I can do to
make things better for fellow-sufferers, I am prepared to do it!

Sorry to go on at length

Jannie (aka The Farm Chicken)
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****************************************

In aspiesdugout@y..., "gaynor barrett" <gaynorbarrett@h...> wrote:

I think you can phone this guy who diagnosed me which was a few weeks
ago his name is Dr. C Williams and the phone number is 01392 403173
and he is in Exeter but I don't know where you live but maybe he
knows other people who can do it.

What you have to do is there is a list of behaviour and you have to
get your partner or someone to tick them and if there are more than
27 then you have got Aspergers but also maybe if you don't because if
you go to see them sometimes they know better than your relatives
(e.g. my partner said I had not a problem with eye contact but the
psychologist said I do, I'm not sure how much they count as being
normal eye contact though so maybe it is just subjective). I have
heard of autistic kids lining up toys personally I don't remember
ever playing with my toys at all just with stones and things and my
family's computers or electrical things so I don't think I did but if
you did then maybe that means you are autistic.

If you were autistic that means you had delayed language (semantic-
pragmatic problems too) but aspergers doesn't.

I don't know what job you can do because I don't know what I can
either I wanted to be a teacher but the interview for the course said
I didn't have confidence. Maybe if you are doing geology research
that is a good career, it sounds like it is good, to identify rocks
but I don't want to work for an oil company maybe then that is the
only kinds of job for geography/geology.

I think it's better to do a job on your own or with a group who leave
you to do it your own way but not many are like this they want social
skills for EVERYTHING (even irrelevant things). But there is a lady
on this list who is even a teacher so it seems you can do all sorts
of stuff. I think it's best to get the diagnosis because then people
will know that you're not just being stupid which is what people
always thought about me.

If your coordination is bad you maybe have dyspraxia too. But some
people (inc me) just have bad coordination with Aspergers. If you
tell the people at your work when you have the diagnosis then maybe
they can be nicer to you and also a person from your job centre can
talk to them about adapting the job- they are called a disability
employment adviser or if you live in London, someone from the
National Autistic Society could do this.

I don't know their phone number but their website is

http://www.nas.org.uk

I did just stop taking medication for depression which was my first
diagnosis because it made me hyper and confused and now I am going to
try to take vitamins/zinc instead there are some things specifically
for autistic people but I don't want to pay that much so just
ordinary vitamins (B ones) may help and zinc is used in producing
serotonin too.

I am also interested that women with autism may react badly to
oestrogen which regulates serotonin as there are known to be unusual
serotonin levels in autism. You can in some countries get a kind of
brain scan (positron emmission) which measures what kind of
depression you may have by the distribution of serotonin and activity
in some parts of the brain. But I have asked here and Dr. Gall says
they don't do that here just in America still maybe it would give
proper diagnosis as some aspergers characteristics resemble
depression (e.g. eye contact, monotonous voice, lack of gestures).

I will not tell you what I think you should do about depression
though because maybe you should ask your doctor. If you wanted to
stop taking medication you should halve it first then alternate days
to stop side effects. But maybe you should keep taking it.

But definitely they shouldn't have given you ECT because that is
mostly for elderly depression and certainly not without a brain scan
it is outrageous really that they still do this like the 1950s.

I hope you will be ok.

Gaynor Barrett
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From: "farm_chicken_99" <farm_chicken_99@y...>
Reply-To: aspiesdugout@y...
To: aspiesdugout@y...
Subject: [Aspies dugout] The search for diagnosis and support
Date: Sun, 02 Mar 2003 17:23:07 -0000

I am 48, female and have a long term male partner.

I am being treated for "depression" but think the underlying cause is
Asperger's.

I have been on long-term sick leave from my current job due to
bullying, ostracism, stress and overwork.

I want to get my life back where I do not have to take medication for
depression.

In 1984 I was diagnosed with a "nervous breakdown" and was subjected
to E.C.T. within a week of admission to hospital. I spent years
gettinng over this and weaning myself off the heavy medication. I was
clear of medication from 1986 to 1994 so I CAN exist without it.

I love the sea, maps and geography and railways and have a B.Sc. and
M.Sc. degree in Geology.

I have had problems since childhood where I would line up all my toys
and "rock" and "hum" to myself to derive comfort. This was always a
problem to my parents who pressurised me to behave "normally".

I never, ever, "get" the meaning of sarcasm and irony.

I cannot bear travelling on the tube, supermarkets, parties, and
suffer from concentration problems at work. I am over-sensitive to
noises, smells and visual patterns when I am travelling and can get
into dreadful "vomit panics" where I think I am going to be sick.

During a vomit panic I also lose my balance and find myself
vulnerable to thieves and muggers.

My co-ordination is hopeless and I am forever missing kerbs,
stumbling and bumping into furniture.

So, what do I do? Is it worth getting an official diagnosis? How
can I get the appropriate support and assistance? What sort of job
should I do? How can I help my colleagues learn how to live with my
difficulties when I hardly understand them myself?