Hi Sandra
I still haven't managed to differenciate illness from person. I've
just spent the last two years being angry at finding myself in this
situation.
However, I have found some relief from the aggression:
Keep a bag with keys and some money in a pocket next to the door at
all times. When you feel the tension building into an argument move
into another room, just leave the room. It feels really difficult at
first but turn on your heels and leave the room. If you feel things
escalating and you are starting to feel scared, stand up suddenly,
say loudly, firmly "I'm not putting up with this" and do NOT listen
for a response, immediately walk straight to the front door, grab the
coat and walk out. Yes it may be raining, dark, freezing but keep
walking. Jump on the next bus and head for a 24hour shop that has a
cafe and sit there until you feel like going home. Turn your mobile
off if you have it with you. Don't go back for them. Go back when
YOU are ready.

What I find weird is that I used to do this early on in the
relationship and it worked. Somehow I got so drained that I ended up
sitting and listening to either furious rage or self pity/suicide for
hours on end. I felt pity and that's what kept me there wasting my
life listening to their problems and trying to do the right thing
while I disappeared into the dust under the carpet somewhere.

I'm not out of this but slowly, slowly I'm getting stronger and the
mess of my BP other's life is getting less and less my problem.

Best wishes
Tee


--- In bpdcarers@..., "sandra.shaw@..."
<sandra.shaw@...> wrote:
>
> Dear Members,
> hello again. Another thing which puzzles me is, how do
you
> differenciate the illness from the person? And do you? And if you
> don't, then how can you stay with someone who is so aggresive?
> Personally, when my mother started having an aggresive episode, it
was
> so a part of her personality that there was no way I could seperate
it
> from who she was. That was just who she was. Please forgive me if I
> seem a bit callous with my questions sometimes, I am just very
angry
> about having to deal with this illness for so many years, it stole
my
> childhood and I live in fear of her commiting suicide everyday, so
I'm
> pretty pissed off about it. I have a thousand questions about this
> illness, so thankyou for any feedback. Best regards, and keep well.
>
> Sandra
>