You cant diferentiate, its who they are. Have a "safe house". a place
to escape to find your "me " time and Take it.my daughter has BPD as
her mother i blamed me. something i had done to bring it on . the
internet has been my saving grace in knowing it wasnt me. ONE COMFORT
IS THAT AS SHES GETTING OLDER SHES IN HER 40'S NOT ITS EASING off. we
have a history of mental illness in the family but any family that
DOESNT is weird, as its as common as one in 5 people will suffer
some form of mental illness in their lifetime. places like this are a
godsend .

--- In bpdcarers@..., "tb9164" <tb9164@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Sandra
> I still haven't managed to differenciate illness from person. I've
> just spent the last two years being angry at finding myself in this
> situation.
> However, I have found some relief from the aggression:
> Keep a bag with keys and some money in a pocket next to the door at
> all times. When you feel the tension building into an argument
move
> into another room, just leave the room. It feels really difficult
at
> first but turn on your heels and leave the room. If you feel
things
> escalating and you are starting to feel scared, stand up suddenly,
> say loudly, firmly "I'm not putting up with this" and do NOT listen
> for a response, immediately walk straight to the front door, grab
the
> coat and walk out. Yes it may be raining, dark, freezing but keep
> walking. Jump on the next bus and head for a 24hour shop that has
a
> cafe and sit there until you feel like going home. Turn your
mobile
> off if you have it with you. Don't go back for them. Go back when
> YOU are ready.
>
> What I find weird is that I used to do this early on in the
> relationship and it worked. Somehow I got so drained that I ended
up
> sitting and listening to either furious rage or self pity/suicide
for
> hours on end. I felt pity and that's what kept me there wasting my
> life listening to their problems and trying to do the right thing
> while I disappeared into the dust under the carpet somewhere.
>
> I'm not out of this but slowly, slowly I'm getting stronger and the
> mess of my BP other's life is getting less and less my problem.
>
> Best wishes
> Tee
>
>
> --- In bpdcarers@..., "sandra.shaw@"
> <sandra.shaw@> wrote:
> >
> > Dear Members,
> > hello again. Another thing which puzzles me is, how
do
> you
> > differenciate the illness from the person? And do you? And if you
> > don't, then how can you stay with someone who is so aggresive?
> > Personally, when my mother started having an aggresive episode,
it
> was
> > so a part of her personality that there was no way I could
seperate
> it
> > from who she was. That was just who she was. Please forgive me if
I
> > seem a bit callous with my questions sometimes, I am just very
> angry
> > about having to deal with this illness for so many years, it
stole
> my
> > childhood and I live in fear of her commiting suicide everyday,
so
> I'm
> > pretty pissed off about it. I have a thousand questions about
this
> > illness, so thankyou for any feedback. Best regards, and keep
well.
> >
> > Sandra
> >
>