I have recently been diagnosed with bp disorder, and PTSD! Its been
a hard thing to deal with, and it's destroying my relationship. I've
been with my boyfriend for 5 years this past november. Things have
never been this bad. I am medicated, and i've tried to explain my
extreme highs and lows to him, and how my moods will cycle. But he
doesnt' get it. He's become very verbally abusive, and the
accusations are rediculous.
I've had cycles for a while with certain things, and i've always been
able to repress things that were very painful to me. I'm a very
emotionally disrupted person and i know that. I'm trying to deal
with my illness, and trying to make him understand. But things get
worse everyday. I been smashing stuff and throwing stuff. I do take
my meds everyday too. I am so stressed. Right now i am in my
depressed part of the illness. I'm tired all of the time, dont' get
excited about nothing, i can barely move, i fall asleep driving, and
setting here at the computer. It's crazy i have no energy and no
drive. I hate it. When 2 weeks ago i felt on top of the owrld, was
going out and having fun and spending money. Yea that's another
problem. I just don't know what to do
I feel like everything is my fault. He even says it's all my fault.
I go from not being able to stand him to wanting him around and
hugging him. Like yesterday i was throwing plates and pans at him
and tonite, i'm huggin on him wanting to work things out.
he's become very insecure when i am in my manic stage. He thinks
everyone wants me and that any guy i talk to i'm sleeping with. i'm
trying to cope witht he illiness and the relationship and it's hard.
I'm not sure what i want now. I don't want to have no relationship
and i don't want bothered by no one. Is that understandable? Or am
i screwed up? I just am lost.