Since you didn't create yourself, there's no way you can tell yourself what you were created for! Only God can tell you that. Forget about self-actualisation; it doesn't work. Life is about letting God use you for His purposes, not using Him for yours. "So, how can I discover His purpose for me?" you ask. Listen: "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ,... He had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone" (Eph 1:11,12 TM). Notice three things here: (1) You only discover your life's purpose through a relationship with Christ. (2) God determined your life's purpose before you existed - without your input! (3) Your purpose fits into a much larger purpose.

Andrei Bitov, a Russian novelist, grew up under an atheistic, communist regime, but God got his attention. He recalls, "One dreary day while riding the Metro in St. Petersburg, I was overcome with a despair so great that life seemed to stop at once, pre-empting the future entirely, let alone any meaning. Suddenly, all by itself, a phrase appeared: 'without God life makes no sense'. Repeating it in astonishment, I rode the phrase up like a moving staircase, got out of the Metro and walked into God's light." Are you looking for a greater sense of purpose? Then give your life to Christ, because "Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him."

September 11th 2001 changed our world forever but never more so than in the hours following the terrorist attacks. Barriers came down, as total strangers stood shoulder to shoulder with those whose lives had been shattered by tragedy. One Naval officer gave this account of what happened immediately after 9/11 when the destroyer, USS Winston S. Churchill, sighted the Lutjens, a German warship:

"As the Lutjens approached they were flying the American flag at half-mast. As they came alongside us, we could see that the entire crew was manning the rails in their dress blues. They were displaying a sign they'd made themselves, which read, 'We stand by you.' There wasn't a dry eye on the bridge as we exchanged salutes. It was one of the most powerful things I've ever seen. That day the German Navy did an incredible thing for our crew, and it's been a high point in the days since the attack."

Author Calvin Miller writes, "Christians state glibly that they love the whole world, yet they permit animosity and insensitivity within their immediate world. It's foolish to say you love humanity; it's people you can't stand! Loving the world at large can only be done by loving, face to face, the world you live in each day." The Bible says, "Take heed... lest you forget the things... your eyes have seen." Let's honour God and the memory of 9/11 by lifting high the torch of freedom, loving one another genuinely, and praying for a spiritual awakening for our nation.

September 11th 2001 changed our world forever but never more so than in the hours following the terrorist attacks. Barriers came down, as total strangers stood shoulder to shoulder with those whose lives had been shattered by tragedy. One Naval officer gave this account of what happened immediately after 9/11 when the destroyer, USS Winston S. Churchill, sighted the Lutjens, a German warship:

"As the Lutjens approached they were flying the American flag at half-mast. As they came alongside us, we could see that the entire crew was manning the rails in their dress blues. They were displaying a sign they'd made themselves, which read, 'We stand by you.' There wasn't a dry eye on the bridge as we exchanged salutes. It was one of the most powerful things I've ever seen. That day the German Navy did an incredible thing for our crew, and it's been a high point in the days since the attack."

Author Calvin Miller writes, "Christians state glibly that they love the whole world, yet they permit animosity and insensitivity within their immediate world. It's foolish to say you love humanity; it's people you can't stand! Loving the world at large can only be done by loving, face to face, the world you live in each day." The Bible says, "Take heed... lest you forget the things... your eyes have seen." Let's honour God and the memory of 9/11 by lifting high the torch of freedom, loving one another genuinely, and praying for a spiritual awakening for our nation.

A family who had guests over for dinner one evening, asked their five-year-old to say grace. Puzzled, the child asked, "What should I say?" Her mum replied, "Just say what I always say." So, bowing her head the little girl prayed, "Dear God, why did I invite these people to dinner anyway?"

Let's be honest, hospitality's hard work! It involves sacrifice! Nevertheless, you're to "Do it ungrudgingly (cordially and graciously)... without complaining... as representing Him." Representing who? God! That changes things, doesn't it? Paul writes: "[Make a habit... of]... hospitality" (Romans 12:13 NAS). Peter writes: "[Be hospitable... with brotherly affection for... unknown guests... foreigners, the poor and all others]" (1 Peter 4:9 AMP). Had any unknown guests, foreigners or poor folk over to dinner lately?

A man conducting a church survey recently wrote to advice columnist, Dear Abby, saying, "Of the 195 churches I visited, I was spoken to in only one by someone other than an 'official greeter' - and that was to ask me to move my feet!" It's easy to extend hospitality to people you know, but Jesus said, "If all you do is love the loveable... Anybody can do that" (Matthew 5:46 TM). So, how about those you don't know? Those who don't fit your social circle? Sure, you can find excuses... you're too busy, you don't want to get involved, you're uncomfortable around strangers. But God says you represent Him; that means: (a) sacrificing your personal agenda; (b) giving of your time and money; (c) going out on a limb for people you don't know - or even like; (d) seeing others through God's eyes. So, are you hospitable?

A family who had guests over for dinner one evening, asked their five-year-old to say grace. Puzzled, the child asked, "What should I say?" Her mum replied, "Just say what I always say." So, bowing her head the little girl prayed, "Dear God, why did I invite these people to dinner anyway?"

Let's be honest, hospitality's hard work! It involves sacrifice! Nevertheless, you're to "Do it ungrudgingly (cordially and graciously)... without complaining... as representing Him." Representing who? God! That changes things, doesn't it? Paul writes: "[Make a habit... of]... hospitality" (Romans 12:13 NAS). Peter writes: "[Be hospitable... with brotherly affection for... unknown guests... foreigners, the poor and all others]" (1 Peter 4:9 AMP). Had any unknown guests, foreigners or poor folk over to dinner lately?

A man conducting a church survey recently wrote to advice columnist, Dear Abby, saying, "Of the 195 churches I visited, I was spoken to in only one by someone other than an 'official greeter' - and that was to ask me to move my feet!" It's easy to extend hospitality to people you know, but Jesus said, "If all you do is love the loveable... Anybody can do that" (Matthew 5:46 TM). So, how about those you don't know? Those who don't fit your social circle? Sure, you can find excuses... you're too busy, you don't want to get involved, you're uncomfortable around strangers. But God says you represent Him; that means: (a) sacrificing your personal agenda; (b) giving of your time and money; (c) going out on a limb for people you don't know - or even like; (d) seeing others through God's eyes. So, are you hospitable?

This much-quoted verse doesn't mean you can do whatever you want, or even do what somebody else does. No, Paul is saying you can do anything God assigns you to do, for with the assignment comes the ability. This verse actually teaches you to stay within the boundaries of what God's called you to do and not try to undertake things that are not part of His will for you. That's not negativism; it's godly wisdom!

God wants you looking to Him for answers, not others. That doesn't mean you can't learn from others, it just means the plan that will lead you to success - must come from God alone! He has a unique plan for you. Please accept that, otherwise you'll live in constant frustration!

John said: "A man must be content to receive the gift which is given him from heaven" (John 3:27 AMP). Read the previous verses; some of John the Baptist's disciples were getting concerned that Jesus was baptising too, and the crowds were leaving John and flocking to Jesus. Had John not been secure in his own identity and calling he may have become fearful, jealous and competitive. But not John! No, he manifested a different attitude, one we all need to take to heart. Listen: "I can only do what I have been divinely authorised and empowered to do... I must be content with that gift and calling" (See John 3:27-29). The same goes for you too!

This much-quoted verse doesn't mean you can do whatever you want, or even do what somebody else does. No, Paul is saying you can do anything God assigns you to do, for with the assignment comes the ability. This verse actually teaches you to stay within the boundaries of what God's called you to do and not try to undertake things that are not part of His will for you. That's not negativism; it's godly wisdom!

God wants you looking to Him for answers, not others. That doesn't mean you can't learn from others, it just means the plan that will lead you to success - must come from God alone! He has a unique plan for you. Please accept that, otherwise you'll live in constant frustration!

John said: "A man must be content to receive the gift which is given him from heaven" (John 3:27 AMP). Read the previous verses; some of John the Baptist's disciples were getting concerned that Jesus was baptising too, and the crowds were leaving John and flocking to Jesus. Had John not been secure in his own identity and calling he may have become fearful, jealous and competitive. But not John! No, he manifested a different attitude, one we all need to take to heart. Listen: "I can only do what I have been divinely authorised and empowered to do... I must be content with that gift and calling" (See John 3:27-29). The same goes for you too!

When you can't sleep - it's time to stop counting sheep and start talking to the Shepherd! Here are some Biblical stress-relievers to live by:

(1) Let go of what no longer works. Paul says: "Let us strip off every weight that... hinders our progress" (Hebrews 12:1 NLT). The trouble is, we hate giving up what we do well. So, we focus on doing things right and end up failing to do the right things. Then we wonder why we don't succeed. There are limits to what you can carry. Letting go of what doesn't work, frees you up to focus on what does.

(2) Don't let change paralyse you. In new situations our first inclination is to slow down, play it safe and buy ourselves some time. And sometimes that's wise. But most times we just fall further behind. Being overly cautious makes you freeze, like a deer caught in the headlights. The Bible says that God, "Gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless" (Isaiah 40:29 NRS). So trust Him and move forward, instead of giving in to the impulse to "just do nothing."

(3) Approach the future with confidence. Recent events have everybody on edge, but as a child of God you can say, "I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, Lord, will keep me safe" (Psalm 4:8 CEV). The truth is, you can't build a decent argument for giving in to fear; the only way to prepare for tomorrow - is by adjusting and living fully today!

When you can't sleep - it's time to stop counting sheep and start talking to the Shepherd! Here are some Biblical stress-relievers to live by:

(1) Let go of what no longer works. Paul says: "Let us strip off every weight that... hinders our progress" (Hebrews 12:1 NLT). The trouble is, we hate giving up what we do well. So, we focus on doing things right and end up failing to do the right things. Then we wonder why we don't succeed. There are limits to what you can carry. Letting go of what doesn't work, frees you up to focus on what does.

(2) Don't let change paralyse you. In new situations our first inclination is to slow down, play it safe and buy ourselves some time. And sometimes that's wise. But most times we just fall further behind. Being overly cautious makes you freeze, like a deer caught in the headlights. The Bible says that God, "Gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless" (Isaiah 40:29 NRS). So trust Him and move forward, instead of giving in to the impulse to "just do nothing."

(3) Approach the future with confidence. Recent events have everybody on edge, but as a child of God you can say, "I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, Lord, will keep me safe" (Psalm 4:8 CEV). The truth is, you can't build a decent argument for giving in to fear; the only way to prepare for tomorrow - is by adjusting and living fully today!

Change and stress are both inevitable, but here are some steps you can take to help you cope with them better:

Choose your battles. Do you: (a) instinctively give in to fear and oppose change, even when it might benefit you? (b) think no issue is too small to be ignored? (c) keep throwing yourself across the tracks, hoping to stop the freight train of reality? Waging war on too many fronts results in battle-fatigue, so only choose battles big enough to matter.

Work at becoming more adaptable. What's your most common response to change? Dragging your feet? Assuming a 'have to' attitude? Doing only what's necessary? Once you stop caring, life loses its sparkle and, ironically, you become even more stressed. Become resilient! Paul said, "I have learned (and you don't learn it overnight), in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content" (Philippians 4:11).

Welcome new experiences. If you're moving forward your surroundings should be constantly changing. Clinging to the familiar just buys you comfort today at tomorrow's expense. Don't do it! Plunge in and take the bull by the horns!

Learn to live with uncertainty. Always struggling to 'stabilise' in a constantly-changing world is like sweeping water uphill - as soon as you stop, you lose it. Learn to live with uncertainty; 'wing it' a little more, instead of struggling to make sure that life always happens on your terms.

Change and stress are both inevitable, but here are some steps you can take to help you cope with them better:

Choose your battles. Do you: (a) instinctively give in to fear and oppose change, even when it might benefit you? (b) think no issue is too small to be ignored? (c) keep throwing yourself across the tracks, hoping to stop the freight train of reality? Waging war on too many fronts results in battle-fatigue, so only choose battles big enough to matter.

Work at becoming more adaptable. What's your most common response to change? Dragging your feet? Assuming a 'have to' attitude? Doing only what's necessary? Once you stop caring, life loses its sparkle and, ironically, you become even more stressed. Become resilient! Paul said, "I have learned (and you don't learn it overnight), in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content" (Philippians 4:11).

Welcome new experiences. If you're moving forward your surroundings should be constantly changing. Clinging to the familiar just buys you comfort today at tomorrow's expense. Don't do it! Plunge in and take the bull by the horns!

Learn to live with uncertainty. Always struggling to 'stabilise' in a constantly-changing world is like sweeping water uphill - as soon as you stop, you lose it. Learn to live with uncertainty; 'wing it' a little more, instead of struggling to make sure that life always happens on your terms.

Max Gunther says, "If you're losing a tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope!" Resistance to change just creates ulcers, sleeplessness and stress. So here are some attitudes you may need to adjust:

(1) Thinking like a victim. Stop expecting others to reduce your stress levels and get behind the wheel of your own life. Remember, you "can do everything with the help of Christ" ( 4:13 NLT). Did you hear that? Everything!

(2) Deciding not to change. Instead of banging your head against the wall of hard reality, invest your efforts into changing what you can - like your attitude and your approach! It takes more energy to hang on to old habits and beliefs than it does to embrace new ones.

(3) Trying to play the new game by the old rules. When a car that's stuck in second gear keeps trying to do 100 mph, guess what happens - meltdown! If you don't want to burn out, learn to change gears. Figure out how the game has changed. Learn to play by the new rules, otherwise you'll keep losing.

(4) Trying to control the uncontrollable. When the music changes it's time to learn some new steps, otherwise you'll finish up sitting on the sidelines. You don't have to like change, but you do have to accept it, adapt to it, pray for grace and get on with your life!

Max Gunther says, "If you're losing a tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope!" Resistance to change just creates ulcers, sleeplessness and stress. So here are some attitudes you may need to adjust:

(1) Thinking like a victim. Stop expecting others to reduce your stress levels and get behind the wheel of your own life. Remember, you "can do everything with the help of Christ" ( 4:13 NLT). Did you hear that? Everything!

(2) Deciding not to change. Instead of banging your head against the wall of hard reality, invest your efforts into changing what you can - like your attitude and your approach! It takes more energy to hang on to old habits and beliefs than it does to embrace new ones.

(3) Trying to play the new game by the old rules. When a car that's stuck in second gear keeps trying to do 100 mph, guess what happens - meltdown! If you don't want to burn out, learn to change gears. Figure out how the game has changed. Learn to play by the new rules, otherwise you'll keep losing.

(4) Trying to control the uncontrollable. When the music changes it's time to learn some new steps, otherwise you'll finish up sitting on the sidelines. You don't have to like change, but you do have to accept it, adapt to it, pray for grace and get on with your life!

Somebody said that the reason lightning never strikes twice in the same place, is because the same place isn't there the second time! Because we live in a constantly changing, stress-filled world, we need to learn to recognise:

(1) When to 'give up'. We're surrounded by escape artists trying to avoid the stress that accompanies change. But there is no escape - change is inevitable. So stop regarding it as the enemy and instead make it your ally. Only when you decide to ride the horse in the direction it's going, will you get to where you need to be!

(2) When to 'wise up'. When we're hit with sudden change, our 'fight or flight' instincts aren't very effective at handling it. But there's a solution: by entrusting your life fully into God's care and asking for His wisdom, "He takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into... change" (Romans 2:4 TM).

(3) When to 'toughen up'. Somebody said, "If it wasn't for stress I'd have no energy at all!" Stop and take an inventory! Are you making it harder on yourself than it needs to be? Is your self-talk faith, or fear? Are you convincing yourself that you can't handle the changes? Are you ready to give up without even trying? Listen: "Under [the pressure of change], your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colours. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed" (James 1:4-5 TM).

Somebody said that the reason lightning never strikes twice in the same place, is because the same place isn't there the second time! Because we live in a constantly changing, stress-filled world, we need to learn to recognise:

(1) When to 'give up'. We're surrounded by escape artists trying to avoid the stress that accompanies change. But there is no escape - change is inevitable. So stop regarding it as the enemy and instead make it your ally. Only when you decide to ride the horse in the direction it's going, will you get to where you need to be!

(2) When to 'wise up'. When we're hit with sudden change, our 'fight or flight' instincts aren't very effective at handling it. But there's a solution: by entrusting your life fully into God's care and asking for His wisdom, "He takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into... change" (Romans 2:4 TM).

(3) When to 'toughen up'. Somebody said, "If it wasn't for stress I'd have no energy at all!" Stop and take an inventory! Are you making it harder on yourself than it needs to be? Is your self-talk faith, or fear? Are you convincing yourself that you can't handle the changes? Are you ready to give up without even trying? Listen: "Under [the pressure of change], your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colours. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed" (James 1:4-5 TM).

Dwelling on what goes right in life, is a great way to maintain a sense of gratitude. When an accident left Will Mitchell with disfiguring burns, he decided to focus on life, not his injuries. He embarked on a successful business career, and although he'd lost his fingers, he completed his training to fly an airplane solo. Later while flying from Colorado to California, ice on the wings of his plane caused him to crash. Paralysed from the waist down (and you thought you had problems!) Mitchell became depressed about being confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Then in rehab, a friend called to cheer him up and gave him the same advice he'd given her earlier - it doesn't matter what happens to you, what matters is what you decide to do about it!

The Bible says, "Is anything worthy of praise... weigh and take account of these things." (Philippians 4:8 AMP) You can choose to dwell on the problem or dwell on the possibilities. Mitchell did the latter by adopting the triple-A formula. (a) Adapt to what has happened. (b) Appreciate what you can learn from it. (c) Accept the opportunities it presents. Since then Will Mitchell has held public office, found love and given motivational talks on radio and TV. He says, "Before I was paralysed there were 10,000 things I could do; now there are 9,000. Should I focus on the 1,000 things I can't do, or concentrate on the 9,000 ways in which life's still good?" Rejoice, there's purpose within your problem and even greater purpose beyond it!

Dwelling on what goes right in life, is a great way to maintain a sense of gratitude. When an accident left Will Mitchell with disfiguring burns, he decided to focus on life, not his injuries. He embarked on a successful business career, and although he'd lost his fingers, he completed his training to fly an airplane solo. Later while flying from Colorado to California, ice on the wings of his plane caused him to crash. Paralysed from the waist down (and you thought you had problems!) Mitchell became depressed about being confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Then in rehab, a friend called to cheer him up and gave him the same advice he'd given her earlier - it doesn't matter what happens to you, what matters is what you decide to do about it!

The Bible says, "Is anything worthy of praise... weigh and take account of these things." (Philippians 4:8 AMP) You can choose to dwell on the problem or dwell on the possibilities. Mitchell did the latter by adopting the triple-A formula. (a) Adapt to what has happened. (b) Appreciate what you can learn from it. (c) Accept the opportunities it presents. Since then Will Mitchell has held public office, found love and given motivational talks on radio and TV. He says, "Before I was paralysed there were 10,000 things I could do; now there are 9,000. Should I focus on the 1,000 things I can't do, or concentrate on the 9,000 ways in which life's still good?" Rejoice, there's purpose within your problem and even greater purpose beyond it!

Henrietta Mears taught at Hollywood Presbyterian Church and influenced leaders like Billy Graham, Bill Bright and former Senate Chaplain Richard Halverson. Disappointed by the lack of good educational material she started her own publishing house - in her garage! It later became Gospel Light Publishers, one of the most effective in the world. When she couldn't find a good single-volume introduction to the Bible she wrote one. To this day it remains a best seller. Then motivated by the lack of good retreat facilities for Christians living in crowded Los Angeles, she found the perfect spot in the San Gabriel Mountains. After prayer and negotiation she got her retreat. It's now Forest Home, a top-notch conference centre.

Always at the point of her greatest frustration, Henrietta would take a step of faith - and find a bridge was always there! In fact, on her deathbed when somebody asked, "If you could do it again what would you do differently?" she replied, "I'd trust Christ even more!"

Nothing changes until we become dissatisfied with our present circumstances. Nehemiah couldn't stand to think of Jerusalem in ruins so, risking the king's fury, he rallied God's people. David, tired of Goliath's threats, put his life on the line and defeated him. Elijah couldn't stand idolatry, so he took on the prophets of Baal - and won!

Listen: "Do not... be dismayed... I will help you."If you're tired of the status quo, perhaps God's nudging you to take a step of faith. Do it - you'll never regret trusting Him 'even more'!

Henrietta Mears taught at Hollywood Presbyterian Church and influenced leaders like Billy Graham, Bill Bright and former Senate Chaplain Richard Halverson. Disappointed by the lack of good educational material she started her own publishing house - in her garage! It later became Gospel Light Publishers, one of the most effective in the world. When she couldn't find a good single-volume introduction to the Bible she wrote one. To this day it remains a best seller. Then motivated by the lack of good retreat facilities for Christians living in crowded Los Angeles, she found the perfect spot in the San Gabriel Mountains. After prayer and negotiation she got her retreat. It's now Forest Home, a top-notch conference centre.

Always at the point of her greatest frustration, Henrietta would take a step of faith - and find a bridge was always there! In fact, on her deathbed when somebody asked, "If you could do it again what would you do differently?" she replied, "I'd trust Christ even more!"

Nothing changes until we become dissatisfied with our present circumstances. Nehemiah couldn't stand to think of Jerusalem in ruins so, risking the king's fury, he rallied God's people. David, tired of Goliath's threats, put his life on the line and defeated him. Elijah couldn't stand idolatry, so he took on the prophets of Baal - and won!

Listen: "Do not... be dismayed... I will help you."If you're tired of the status quo, perhaps God's nudging you to take a step of faith. Do it - you'll never regret trusting Him 'even more'!

Boldness is required if you're ever to be led by God! Why? Because He may direct you to do things that others don't understand or agree with. Insecure people tend to feel safer doing what others do. They're fearful of breaking the mould or standing alone. Anytime you step outside the boundaries of what others think is wise or proper, you risk rejection. But you mustn't allow that to keep you from fulfilling your God-given purpose.

Confronting criticism becomes a little easier when you remember that ultimately "every one of us shall give an account of himself to God." Sure it hurts to be criticised, but if you're to succeed at anything you must have the same attitude Paul had. Listen: "I am not the least concerned with the fact that you are deciding what is right and what is wrong with me... Neither you nor anyone else can put me down unless I first put myself down (and I'm not doing that)... though I don't know of anything against me, my ignorance doesn't mean that I am correct in my appraisal, because the final evaluation is in God's hands" (1Co 4:3-4 Ben Campbell-Johnston para).

Secure people can handle being the only ones doing something. They can also allow others that same choice, because they know we have been called to accept one another - not analyse and categorise one another! Please don't grow old and feel like somewhere along the way you lost yourself, and never succeeded at being who God called you to be.

Boldness is required if you're ever to be led by God! Why? Because He may direct you to do things that others don't understand or agree with. Insecure people tend to feel safer doing what others do. They're fearful of breaking the mould or standing alone. Anytime you step outside the boundaries of what others think is wise or proper, you risk rejection. But you mustn't allow that to keep you from fulfilling your God-given purpose.

Confronting criticism becomes a little easier when you remember that ultimately "every one of us shall give an account of himself to God." Sure it hurts to be criticised, but if you're to succeed at anything you must have the same attitude Paul had. Listen: "I am not the least concerned with the fact that you are deciding what is right and what is wrong with me... Neither you nor anyone else can put me down unless I first put myself down (and I'm not doing that)... though I don't know of anything against me, my ignorance doesn't mean that I am correct in my appraisal, because the final evaluation is in God's hands" (1Co 4:3-4 Ben Campbell-Johnston para).

Secure people can handle being the only ones doing something. They can also allow others that same choice, because they know we have been called to accept one another - not analyse and categorise one another! Please don't grow old and feel like somewhere along the way you lost yourself, and never succeeded at being who God called you to be.

The secret to closeness in marriage isn't necessarily sparkling conversation, or shared interests or even incredible sex. As good as those are, the secret of intimacy is - plain, old-fashioned kindness! You know, the stuff learned in kindergarten, like thoughtfulness, courtesy and caring. Think your relationship needs a tune-up? Then listen up:

(1) Never underestimate the power of touch. Seems like a 'no-brainer'! Right? You'd be surprised; we can go days or weeks without touching each other, yet a hug works wonders. God designed us so that when we touch one another in caring ways, our bodies produce oxytocin, which calms us and helps us to bond physically and chemically. Pretty clever, eh?

(2) Forget the grandiose gestures. When you routinely build little kindnesses into your marriage they become a source of strength for later, like money in the bank. So think 'personal' and "sweet," like helping to clean up, making the coffee, walking the dog or taking out the rubbish!

(3) Remember your manners. Just because you're married doesn't mean common courtesy should go by the wayside. Paul says, "Be kind to each other." That means listening without interrupting, and practicing the basics like saying, "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry." This stuff isn't rocket science - but it really works!

(4) Compliments are key. Remember, whenever you think something nice about your mate - tell them! We live in a cold competitive world and hearing we're loved, smart, attractive and fun, from someone whose opinion we really value, means everything.

The secret to closeness in marriage isn't necessarily sparkling conversation, or shared interests or even incredible sex. As good as those are, the secret of intimacy is - plain, old-fashioned kindness! You know, the stuff learned in kindergarten, like thoughtfulness, courtesy and caring. Think your relationship needs a tune-up? Then listen up:

(1) Never underestimate the power of touch. Seems like a 'no-brainer'! Right? You'd be surprised; we can go days or weeks without touching each other, yet a hug works wonders. God designed us so that when we touch one another in caring ways, our bodies produce oxytocin, which calms us and helps us to bond physically and chemically. Pretty clever, eh?

(2) Forget the grandiose gestures. When you routinely build little kindnesses into your marriage they become a source of strength for later, like money in the bank. So think 'personal' and "sweet," like helping to clean up, making the coffee, walking the dog or taking out the rubbish!

(3) Remember your manners. Just because you're married doesn't mean common courtesy should go by the wayside. Paul says, "Be kind to each other." That means listening without interrupting, and practicing the basics like saying, "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry." This stuff isn't rocket science - but it really works!

(4) Compliments are key. Remember, whenever you think something nice about your mate - tell them! We live in a cold competitive world and hearing we're loved, smart, attractive and fun, from someone whose opinion we really value, means everything.

Professor Howard Hendricks writes: "By the 5th grade I felt insecure, unloved and angry at life. My teacher, Miss Simon, apparently thought I was blind to the problem because she regularly reminded me, 'Hendricks, you're the worst child in this school.' So I proceeded to live up to her opinion of me. Upon entering the 6th grade, my new teacher, Miss Noe, glanced over to where I was sitting, defiantly, just waiting to go into action. Smiling she said, 'Hendricks, I've heard a lot about you but I don't believe a word of it!'

"That was a turning point in my life. For the first time, somebody saw potential in me! Miss Noe put me on special assignments. She invited me to stay after school and work with her. As a result, I couldn't let her down. Once I got so involved in my homework, I stayed up until 1:30 am. My father came down the hall and said, 'Son, are you sick?' I replied, 'No, I'm doing my homework.' He rubbed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief; he'd never heard me say anything like that before. What made the difference? Somebody was willing to believe in me, while challenging me with higher expectations. That was risky, because there was no guarantee I'd honour her trust."

Everybody likes the end product of mentoring, especially when it yields a peak-performer. But how many of us are willing to risk dealing with the person on the front end? Those who are, demonstrate the kind of love that - never fails!

Professor Howard Hendricks writes: "By the 5th grade I felt insecure, unloved and angry at life. My teacher, Miss Simon, apparently thought I was blind to the problem because she regularly reminded me, 'Hendricks, you're the worst child in this school.' So I proceeded to live up to her opinion of me. Upon entering the 6th grade, my new teacher, Miss Noe, glanced over to where I was sitting, defiantly, just waiting to go into action. Smiling she said, 'Hendricks, I've heard a lot about you but I don't believe a word of it!'

"That was a turning point in my life. For the first time, somebody saw potential in me! Miss Noe put me on special assignments. She invited me to stay after school and work with her. As a result, I couldn't let her down. Once I got so involved in my homework, I stayed up until 1:30 am. My father came down the hall and said, 'Son, are you sick?' I replied, 'No, I'm doing my homework.' He rubbed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief; he'd never heard me say anything like that before. What made the difference? Somebody was willing to believe in me, while challenging me with higher expectations. That was risky, because there was no guarantee I'd honour her trust."

Everybody likes the end product of mentoring, especially when it yields a peak-performer. But how many of us are willing to risk dealing with the person on the front end? Those who are, demonstrate the kind of love that - never fails!