cambridge_humor_society : Messages : 37-66 of 5320

#37

From: Professor Howdy <professor_tom_foolery@...>
Date: Thu Mar 16, 2006 3:14 pm
Subject: ***Thought & Humor*** - First Published In Last Century - March 16, 2006 A.D. - Please forward to your Friends...

professor_tom_foolery@...

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What is smarter than a talking horse?

TheRestOfTheStory!!!

http://whoami1234567.blogspot.com/

Updated frequently during the day!!!

************************

New Picture of Howdy Discovered:O)

http://xrl.us/kf6k

Remember the HHH*??? Welcome back...

*Hired Howdy Hunters

Why is Howdy soooo controversial?!?!?
Hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

(Guess he's in good company - This blog

also attacks our Great American President & God)

Why do they continue to erase most of Howdy's replies?

Thanks for the FREE publicity -
Nothing improves # hits better on 'T & H' BLOG:O)

************************

Be sure & read the "Comments" after each blog joke -

there's more funny stuff & letters from y'all...

************************

Why did the UNC* Med Student take an art class?

TheRestOfTheStory!!!

http://whoami1234567.blogspot.com/

*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought

& Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) French university students
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.

***********************

Check out this Blog:

http://whoami1234567.blogspot.com/

Updated frequently!!!

************************

Jesus Where

You Live

It had been one of the architectural glories of a historic city in England;

a majestic cathedral, now deeply scarred by the relentless German bombings of

World War II. Slowly but surely, it was being restored, except for the statue that

had welcomed people to the cathedral for so many years. It was a statue of Jesus

with outstretched hands. The inscription on its base was a compelling invitation,

"Come unto Me." Sadly, the statue had been destroyed by the bombing. A group

of German medical students decided that they would make it their mission to

rebuild that statue. Piece by piece, it began to come together. But restoring the

hands? Well, that was hopeless. They'd been smashed to powder. What were the

rebuilders to do? They ended up having an incredible idea. The statue of Jesus

now stands without hands and an inscription that simply says, "Christ has no

hands but ours."

It is an amazing perspective to have on what we do every day, "I am the hands

of Jesus in this place, doing what He would do." At work - the hands of Jesus. At

home, I'm the hands of Jesus. In your neighborhood, in your class, in your organization -

the hands of Jesus. Now that is a purpose-driven life!

In our word for today from the Word of God, there's a wonderful picture of our

part in the work that Jesus wants to do in people's lives. It's in Mark 6, beginning

with verse 37; the story of the feeding of the five thousand. That's obviously some -

thing only Jesus could have done with five loaves of bread and two fish. But it's

amazing how much He uses the hands of His disciples to deliver what He's making.

When the disciples suggested that Jesus send the multitudes away because they

had no way to feed them, Jesus shocked them by saying, "You give them something

to eat." As a result, they found the boy with the loaves and fish.

The Bible goes on to say, "Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down

in groups." Then, after Jesus gave thanks for the loaves and fish, "He gave them to His

disciples to set before the people." It looked like the miracle was coming from the disciples!

Finally, "the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish."

What we see in this miracle is the modus operandi of Jesus. He does things only He can

do for people, but He delivers them through His disciples. Today, that's you and me. And the

people you see each day often need something from Jesus, whether they realize it or not. They

may need to feel His love, so Jesus prompts you to show them His love in some act of kindness,

or caring, or rescue. He sends His encouragement through you to discouraged people, His financial

provision through what He's given you to give, some gift that will show how much He cares. Every

day, He wants you to leave with your "needometer" on and finely tuned - going through your day,

not just to survive or to get your "to do" list done, but to look for needs and to deliver gifts from

Him. That's part of the daily adventure life can be when you belong to Christ and set out to represent

Him each new day.

Ultimately, you are the hands of Jesus to deliver His greatest gift of all - the Good News of the

rescue He made possible through His cross. When Paul reveals that we are "Christ's ambassadors"

in our personal world, he said it was "as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore

you, on Christ's behalf: 'Be reconciled to God'" (2 Corinthians 5:20). It's almost as if we approach each life-

situation with this mindset: "Jesus couldn't be here today, so He's sent me to say what He would say

and do what He would do."

When you're all wrapped up in yourself and your needs, your hands will always be full of your stuff.

But when you step up to serve Jesus each day, to continue His work in your world, then your hands will

be giving away what He has to give because what He started, He's left with us to carry on. In so many lives

you know, Christ has no hands but your hands. - - Ron Hutchcraft

*Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'.

===============

I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying the really
foolish thing that people often say about Him [Jesus Christ]:
"I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I
don't accept His claim to be God."

That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was
merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would
not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic --
on a level with a man who says he is a poached egg --
or else he would be the Devil of Hell.

You must make your choice. Either this Man was, and is,
the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse ....
You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit at Him and kill
Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him
Lord and God. But let us not come up with any patronizing
nonsense about His being a great hum! an teacher. He has
not left that option open to us. He did not intend to.

-- From Case for Christianity, by C.S. Lewis

===============

Old News That's

Not Fit to Print -
The Times on

Natural Selection

Sometimes you have to wonder about the New York Times. It printed a long,
breathtakingly written, scientific-sounding piece that just had one problem:
It wasn't news. Now, why would it do that?

The article, titled "Still Evolving, Human Genes Tell New Story," was run
prominently on the front page of the New York Times last week. The reporter
excitedly announced that scientists had found "the strongest evidence yet
that humans are still evolving." That's big news. What was the evidence?
"Researchers have detected," the story says, "some 700 regions of the human
genome where genes appear to have been reshaped by natural selection, a
principal force of evolution, within the last 5,000 to 15,000 years. The
genes that show this evolutionary change," the reporter continued, "include
some responsible for the senses of taste and smell, digestion, bone
structure, skin color, and brain function."

In other words, human beings over time have adapted to their surroundings,
and they continue to do so to this day.

This is news? I hate to throw cold water on the Times's big story, but the
fact is that most people are well aware of natural selection and how it
works. Whether one believes in Darwinian evolution or not doesn't apply
here; it's common knowledge that groups of people and animals routinely
experience this kind of change.

What this does not mean is that one species ever evolved into another.

As Dr. Jay Richards of the Acton Institute explains, "All we're talking about
here is the action of natural selection on an already existing population. .
. . There's nothing in this story about the emergence of new genes via a
mutation merely under selection pressure. . . . At most," says Richards,

"it would refer to a tweaking of an already existing gene under selection
pressure, which isn't inherently problematic."

To sum up, there's nothing here that is new or exciting. So why is this
non-story given more than fifteen hundred words on the front page of the New
York Times? It's not too hard to guess. The Times has been on a crusade of
late against the intelligent design (ID) movement�"crusade" putting it
mildly. Recent headlines in the paper include "Unintelligent Design" and
"Intelligent Design Derailed"; another headline referred to ID proponents as
"Politicized Scholars." According to the Times editorial section, they're
also "misguided," "inane," often "ignorant," and guilty of "recklessness."

So why the non-story? Well, it's a pretty safe guess that this latest piece
is just one more effort in that direction. What better way to give evolution
a boost and strike a blow against intelligent design? Just print an
innocuous piece reminding your audience how natural selection works,

and trust that most of them will automatically assume that it helps prove
Darwinian evolution.

Funny it didn't go on to report that Darwin himself spent years doing
pigeon-breeding experiments, all of which showed adaptation, but not one
species becoming another. Well, let's just say that with this misleading and
downright lazy strategy, it is not the intelligent design movement that is
made to look out of touch. BREAKPOINT with Charles Colson & Mark Earley

Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'.

===============

The Big Story

In modern society it is often considered arrogant and intolerant to suggest
that any individual or group knows the truth about the world. Yet as we
see from moment to moment in life all around us, truth is inescapable.

To reject any worldview is simply to counter it with your own, whatever that
may be, or however undeveloped in your own mind. The question is simply,
which account of the universe is true?

The atheistic evolutionist's and humanist's big story about the human
condition is summarized by Oxford zoologist and atheist Richard Dawkins:

If the universe were just electrons and selfish genes, meaningless
tragedies... are exactly what we should expect, along with equally
meaningless good fortune. Such a universe would be neither evil

nor good in intention... In a universe of blind physical forces and

genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people

are going to get lucky, and you won't find any rhyme or reason in it,

nor any justice. (1)

The question is, how can we speak of "selfish" genes-which conveys

a moral character trait-if there is no category of good and evil to make the
concept meaningful? How can we refer to "justice" in a moral vacuum?
Dawkins's statement assumes there are opposites; yet in the same breath

he claims they do not exist; so does this statement mean anything? If we

are just the interaction of "blind physical forces," how our self-conscious
minds could know this is a mystery!

However, despite all its problems (for example, how people could see the
destruction of thousands of lives in the World Trade Center as neither
good nor evil), this is the big story of a godless philosophy.

Admittedly, if God does not exist, then neither do objective moral values.
But we are conscious that objective moral values do exist; therefore we
can be confident God does also.

The account of the universe and the human condition found in the Bible

and in the teachings of Jesus is by design and purpose with a holy, loving

God at the heart of it. When we consider the vastness of space, when we
ponder how small we are in comparison, and how much space seems to

be wasted, we can find it difficult to believe that we are anything special
or significant at all. Why so much room if there is just us? Remarkably,
physicists now tell us that the universe is just the right size to contain
enough carbon for the existence of life. Any smaller and life could not
prosper. If the universe were downsized at all, we would not be here.
There is just enough carbon to allow you to read this article before you.
Now consider whether you are special. We are an amazing part of God's
unique purpose-so important that God made the universe just big enough

so that you and I could exist to know him. This is where our big story
begins.

The Christian message announces the kingdom of God and Christ's victory
over sin and death, proclaiming that we can be right with God and have
peace with Him. This message has been proclaimed for over two thousand
years and will continue to be proclaimed until Christ returns again to
take us home with him. On this day, he will restore all that was lost at
the Fall, making a new heaven and a new earth where righteousness dwells.
In that place, there will be no more sorrow, no more crying, and no more
pain. The old way of things will be gone, and the deceiver will be no
more. The paradise that was lost will finally be regained, but it will be
even more glorious than the one before.

In the words of Christ our liberator, "I am the Alpha and the Omega,

the Beginning, and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink
without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will
inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son" (Revelation
21:6-7). It is an incredibly big story. But it is one just big enough to
hold within its pages the reality of our own stories and the principles

of life around us, with coherence, consistency, and truth.

(1) Richard Dawkins, River Out of Eden: A Darwinian View of Life
(Basic Books/Harper Collins, 1995), 132-133.

From Searching for Truth by Joe Boot,

Joe Boot is executive director

of Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Canada.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
"A Slice of Infinity" is aimed at reaching into the culture with words of
challenge, words of truth, and words of hope. If you know of others who
would enjoy receiving "A Slice of Infinity" in their email box each day,
tell them to ple! ase call 1-877-88SLICE (1-877-887-5423).

===============

"Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider

well the main end of his life and studies is to know God and Jesus Christ

which is eternal life (John 17:3)."

- - - The Laws and Statutes of Harvard College in 1643

"All scholars shall live religious, godly, and blameless lives according

to the rules of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy Scriptures, the

fountain of light and truth; and constantly attend upon all the duties

of religion, both in public and secret."

- - - Two central requirements in Yale College 1745 charter

===============

The Roman emperor Diocletian, following an edict in 303 A.D.,

failed to stamp the Bible out. The French Revolution could not

crush it with secular philosophy (Rousseau, one of its heroes,

converted to Christianity). The Communists failed to stamp it

out with atheism and political ideology. One might well ask why

this book has been banned, burned, and bludgeoned with such

animosity and scorn. The great Reformation hero John Calvin

responds in this way: "Whenever people slander God's word,

they show they feel within its power, however unwillingly or

reluctantly." - Joe Boot

===============

Why The U.S.A. Is At War:

http://attacked911.tripod.com/

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2001/memorial/lists/by-name/

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')

===============

'Thought & Humor' - often polemical but

never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.

===============

Please note: If you see a UNC student or liberal reading 'Thought & Humor',

please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They usually get it backwards.......

===============

God designed humans to want to believe in something.

That's the image of God that is in us. But as G. K.

Chesterton famously put it, when we reject the God

of the Bible, we don't believe in nothing; we believe

in everything -- including Little Green Men.

- - Chuck Colson

===============

Dear Howdy,

Thank you for your simply addicting newsletter...it's truly a candidate

for the 8th wonder of the world and 1st candidate for the cyber-world...

it just keeps blooming with more of what I need and, I think, what we

all need...please keep up the great works!!!

Type atcha later...

God bless you,

Phil H

===============

It is He who sits above the circle of the earth,

And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers,

Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,

And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in.

- - Isa 40:22

===============

Dear Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both
MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department.
But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out
of the humor propagated by what appears to me to be
a pack of wolves!!**

SERIOUSLY, THE HUMOR IS GREAT FUN BUT MY
MAIN ATTRACTION WAS TO THE CONSERVATIVE
MORAL AND POLITICAL STANCE THAT SEEMED
TO CHARACTERIZE THE FIRST ISSUE I SAW.
INCIDENTALLY (HE SAYS ACCIDENTALLY!), it was
sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about
you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has
come in the two issues of the Newsletter I have

seen. The best to you.

S. P.

*Another name for UNC.
** UNC's archrival - NCSU.

===============

"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book."        -- President Abraham Lincoln

"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw! his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

"It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and

the Bible." - President George Washington

"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a

power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon

"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."

- Queen Victoria

"If there is anything in my thought or style to commend ,

the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early

love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught

in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper;

but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority,

no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and
bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

"The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed."

- Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

"The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant

"It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people.

The principals of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom."

- Horace Greeley (Editor)

"That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests." - President Andrew Jackson

"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me
light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee

"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)

"So great is my veneration for the Bible that the earlier my children begin
to read it the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful
citizens of their country and respectable members of society. I have for
many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year."
- President John Quincy Adams

"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest
benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to

belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be

known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)

"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of

confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the

Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in

any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences

progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human

mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation

and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels,

it will not go." - Goethe (Author)

"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time,

and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible

is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable

distance separates it from all competitors."

- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)

"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply

due to the fact that when I was a chile my mother daily read me

a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart."

- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)

"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.

The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas

Huxley (Author & Scientist)

"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever

growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

===============

Stop by & visit our office anytime you are nearby. Our offices
are located on the 50th & 51st floors of the World Wide Web

International Headquarters Tower. Howdy

===============

Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon

without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
"The human race has one really effective weapon,

and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a

time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)

NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.

===============



Four important things to KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,

Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,

Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned

& fall short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal

separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at

no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is

Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ

(God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of

Peace & Savior of the World).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world

(Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,

Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,

Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up

His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,

anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in,

relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall

have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.

No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,

Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,

Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)

to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)

ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -
(Rev. 3:20)

{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good

things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -

however they are great afterwards!!!}

Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that

leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),

and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow

the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it. --Matthew 7:13-14

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'

is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information

was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought

& Humor' is one small attempt to obey "The Great* Com-

mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________
References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,

Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,

Kim Komando, Shagmail, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease,

Crosswalk.com, CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

'Thought & Humor' respects your privacy and wishes to honor

your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,

and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience

to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's

e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such

unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was

humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.

But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16

===============

Board of Advisors for 'Thought & Humor':

Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors

that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far

as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???

Bill J. - 60's - Fed. Government Employee

Bill R. - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System

Bill T. - 50's - MN - College Professor

Bob - 80's - FL - Semi - Retired Military Chaplan/Minister - D.D.

Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administor, Married

Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, University Student

Cindy - 40's - NC - 501(c)(3) Administrator - Married

Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married

Ellen - 20's - NJ - Registered Nurse - Married

Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married

Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country

Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married

John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married

Judith - 60's - TX - Retired Teacher

Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student

Lee - 20's - GA - College Student

Les - 40's - Australia - Pilot

Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married

Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician

Mamie - 20's - GA - Elementary Teacher

Patricia - 20's - MX - Entrepreneur, Politician

Phil - 50's WI - Disabled

Rob - 20's - NY - University Administor, Married

Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry

Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married

Tom - 40's - Middle East - Missionary

Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister

Teresa - 30's - NC - Mother

Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country

Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet

and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation

for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.

===============

Dear Friends,

Goodbye for now with jocundness for both you

& your dynasty & an enkindling winter pulchritude!!!

Your Amigo, Confrere & Sidekick,
Howdy
(probably spurious)

P.S. What did the leftovers say when they were put

into the freezer? - Foiled again.

===============

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#38

From: Professor Howdy <the_best_e_newspaper_4u@...>
Date: Fri Mar 17, 2006 4:06 pm
Subject: ***Thought & Humor*** - First Published In Last Century - March 17, 2006 A.D. - Happy St. Patrick's Day

the_best_e_newspaper_4u@...

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Sean was fishing and it started to rain,

so he moved under the bridge for shelter.
His pal McGinty saw him and called...

TheRestOfTheStory!!!

http://whoami1234567.blogspot.com/

Updated frequently during the day!!!

************************

Be sure & read the "Comments" after each blog joke -

there's more funny stuff & letters from y'all & a great

St. Patrick Quote...

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A UNC* grad goes to a job interview. The boss says,
"I'll give you 8 dollars an hour starting today, and in
three months, I'll raise it to 12 dollars an hour.

So when would you like to start?"

HisAnswer!!!

http://whoami1234567.blogspot.com/

*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought

***********************

Check out this Blog:

http://whoami1234567.blogspot.com/

Updated frequently!!!

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Tired Of Searching,

Ready To Find

My friend Jim is young, but he's already a veteran rock climber. Now he's going

to college only a few miles from one of America's most majestic mountain peaks ... and one

of the most challenging and dangerous to climb. He was excited to climb another towering

mountain with a longtime veteran of these slopes. The mountain is actually part of the highest

peak, but it's known as Disappointment Peak. It got its name from climbers who used that

approach to get to the top of that ultimate mountain top. It's a tough climb, but you're inspired

by the sense that you're getting closer and closer to your majestic goal. And then, after a long,

hard climb, you suddenly come to this chasm; a chasm that is un-crossable and thousands of

feet deep. You thought you were on your way to the goal you were shooting for. Sorry, it's

Disappointment Peak.

A lot of people are climbing Disappointment Peak; a long road to what they believe will be

the mountaintop they're looking for. But as many who have climbed it will tell you, it really does

lead to disappointment instead of fulfillment. Of course, we're all looking for different mountaintops:

the relationship that will give us the real and lasting love we want so much, or the accomplishment

that will give us the importance, the significance we're hoping for, the religion or spirituality that will

finally give us peace in our soul.

We're all looking for different things, but we're all looking for what will give life real meaning,

real love, real fulfillment. Gail Sheehy became a best-selling author decades ago with her book,

"Passages." It described our life journeys in terms of passages from one search to another. Now

she's writing about the generation that has shaped our culture and our values more than any other -

the Baby Boomers. She said recently, "The search for meaning has become the universal occupation

of the Second Adulthood." She says that this spiritual imperative grows stronger as we grow older.

So our searching doesn't diminish; it only intensifies.

But maybe you're tired of searching. You're ready to find. You're tired of Disappointment Peak.

You're ready to find what your soul's been looking for so long. Actually, there's only one person

who can tell us what we're here for. It's the One who put us here. That's God, of course. And in the

world's best-selling book, the Bible - the only book God ever wrote - He reveals the top of the mountain

we were made for - the reason He put us here. In Colossians 1:16, our word for today from the Word

of God, it simply says, speaking of Jesus Christ, that we were "created by Him and for Him." You were

created by Jesus, you were created for Jesus, and you're going to have that hole in your heart until you

have Jesus. He said, "He who comes to Me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never

be thirsty" (John 6:35).

The Bible reveals that our heart is searching because we're away from the God we were made for.

We were created for Him, but we've lived for ourselves, thus creating an un-crossable chasm between

us and the God who made us. Un-crossable except for the cross - the cross where Jesus died to pay

for our rebellion against God and make a way back to Him. In the sentences that follow the revelation

that we were "created by Him and for Him," we read that Jesus "made peace (with God) through His

blood, shed on the cross." It took that sacrifice to provide a way to the God who is the love and meaning

we've been looking for. Across that chasm between us and God is now a bridge; the cross of Jesus.

Jesus is the end of your lifelong search. And the Savior will become your Savior the day you reach

for Him and tell Him, "Jesus, you're the One I've been looking for. I've done my life my way, not Your way,

and I resign from running my life. It's time You did. I was made by You and for You. And beginning today,

I'm Yours." If you're tired of searching; if you're ready to find home, I want to invite you to our website where

I've got a brief explanation of how you can begin with Jesus. Or you can call for a printed version of Yours

For Life at 877-741-1200.

You've wasted enough time on Disappointment Peak. It just can't take you where you want to be.

But a climb up one more hill can. It's the hill where Jesus died for you. That's where your search

finally ends. - - Ron Hutchcraft

*Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'.

===============

When A

Baby's Life

Becomes A

Threat

There's nothing parents dread more than their doctor telling them that
there's something wrong with their child. In an instant, all of their hopes
and dreams vanish, for themselves and their child, and are replaced with

a numb, empty feeling.

It's a feeling that some here at "BreakPoint" are personally acquainted
with, which is why we empathize with any parent in this situation. But the
price of our consolation can never be the sanctity of life itself.

And that's what is happening in places like Orangeburg, New York. The New
York Times recently told the story of a couple and their 6-year-old son, A.
J. When the wife was thirty-one weeks pregnant and on vacation, she began

to bleed. Doctors at the New Jersey hospital noticed the small size of the
fetus and suspected there was something wrong.

This came as a surprise to the prospective parents, since their doctor had
told them everything was fine. However, subsequent tests, including
amniocentesis, confirmed that the child had a chromosomal abnormality.

Since the wife was more than twenty-four weeks pregnant, she could not,
under New York law, have an abortion at this stage of the pregnancy. Her
only choice was to give birth and hope for the best.

The "best" wasn't very good. After A. J. was born, he was diagnosed with
Wolf-Hirschhorn syndrome. Its long list of symptoms includes "mental
retardation, physical disfigurement, inability to speak, seizures, and
respiratory and digestive problems."

Eventually, the parents did what an increasing number of Americans are doing
in similar circumstances: They sued their doctor for "wrongful birth." They
claimed that the doctor's negligence deprived the mother of the right to
abort her unborn child. In other words, A. J. shouldn't have been born,

and his being alive is an injury to his parents. This is clearly contrary to

a biblical worldview, which tells us children are a gift from the Lord and
that all children are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.

Unfortunately, "wrongful birth" lawsuits aren't limited to New York. Half

of the states recognize such a "right." This reflects what the author of the
piece, Elizabeth Weil, calls "contemporary expectations about childbearing."
Technology has led parents to believe that they can exercise a kind of
"quality control" over their unborn children.

These expectations wouldn't matter without abortion-on-demand. Prior to Roe,
courts rejected the idea of "wrongful birth." As the New Jersey Supreme
Court ruled in 1966, "the sanctity of the single human life is the decisive
factor in this suit . . ."

Roe changed all of that. Abortion-on-demand combined with the expectations
Weil described to create a "right" not to have a disabled child. And, as
Weil acknowledges, "disabled" isn't limited to severe birth defects just
like A. J.'s�it could include deafness, blindness, and mild mental
retardation. Any "defect" that can be identified through prenatal genetic
testing is potentially the subject of a "wrongful birth" lawsuit.

All of this is an incentive for doctors to err on the side of prenatal
testing and abortion. Or as Weil puts it, these suits "may bias the medical
establishment toward termination" of human life.

A. J.'s parents deserve all the help they can get, but not at the price

of calling life "wrong" or an "injury" to the parents. That kind of
compensation leaves us all poorer. BREAKPOINT with Charles Colson & Mark Earley

Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'.

===============

Underpinnings

Of Belief

I was listening recently to a collection of interviews and commentaries on
the subject of spirituality in America. Some of those interviewed were
authors of best-selling books on various topics of spirituality; others
were interviewed simply as passersby on the street. "Who is God?"

the interviewers asked repeatedly. "What does it mean to be a spiritual
person?" The answers were as diverse as the tiles in a mosaic, but the
mosaic before us was little more than a picture of chaos and
contradiction. I came to the end of that message and with my head

in my hands I sighed: "How can anyone muddle through such a mess?"

The current state and practice of popular spirituality in America brings
to mind words spoken by the prophet Jeremiah. It is a "discipline of
delusion" to chase after spiritually as if it were a matter of preference
and not a matter pertaining to truth. "They are altogether stupid and
foolish," writes Jeremiah, "In their discipline of delusion-their idol is
wood" (10:8).

Millions and millions of people confess to believe in God, to know Him,

to follow Him in some way. But does our knowledge of God pertain to truth?
Can the starting point of such knowledge begin anywhere else? In the book
of Romans, Paul writes of those who follow God not as God but as something
less--something corrupted--and so end up chasing darkness. He writes,
"For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give
thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish
hearts were darkened... They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and
worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator" (Romans 1:21, 25).

Who is it you say that you know? Do we thank and honor this one as God

or have we corrupted our speculations into an image of something less?

Do you trust this one in life and in death? Do you know Him as Paul knew

Him, as the God "who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as
though they were" (Romans 4:17).

Death has a way of questioning our knowledge of God. In death we are
reminded--or startled to the memory--of God's sovereignty in life. We are
reminded similarly of life's most significant answers. Who is this that I
confess to know? Why do I believe this? In the midst of such questions
we are awakened to the underpinnings of belief: I believe because I know
the character and attributes of God. He is good. He is gracious. He
is faithful. "He is convenient," or "He is comfortable" don't make the

underpinnings on which to lie prostrate and assured. As good theology
is the best answer to life's crises, death is a testimony to the importance
of sound apologetics. In the words of the prophet Isaiah: "You keep him
in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you" (Isaiah 26:3). When life is
shaken, when the misleading sense of our own sovereignty is challenged,

we find that our knowledge of God is either an immeasurable consolation

or a vacant delusion.

I attended an Easter morning service one year that will be forever etched
in my consciousness. It was held in a cemetery. Surrounded by silent
stones, each one marking a life put to rest, with the sting of my father's
death still fresh in my mind, we sang:

Lives again our glorious King,
Where, O death, is now thy sting?
Once He died our souls to save,
Where thy victory, O grave?
Soar we now where Christ hath led,
Following our exalted Head,
Made like Him, like Him we rise,
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies.

In Christ, death is swallowed up in victory. Christ has won, and man
shall win. Indeed, when this perishable puts on the imperishable, where,
O death is thy sting? Jill Carattini