From: Heather Walker <h.walker07@...>
Subject: [dysthymia] 'Liking' depression?
To: dysthymia@...
Date: Saturday, 20 June, 2009, 7:27 PM

Hi,
I need to get this out cos it's going round and round in my head...
I'm trying to manage myself better ie knowing warning signs that I am going down, but I feel like fighting a losing battle as I believe that I 'like' being depressed. I have been like this so long that when I am faced with anything bad getting depressed is my default reaction :( This thinking is so ingrained that I find it really hard to react appropriately. Even when watching TV and something goes wrong for a character I think that they should get depressed. Another thing I think may be connected to my messed up world view is that when I hear or see something about someone killing themselves I don't react with horror or sympathy, I feel kind of jealous, I'm not sure why.
I feel like the depression is like a plaster over a wound and admitting to myself that the way I think about some things is wrong is like removing the plaster but I think that the wound won't heal without removing plaster :(

Heather