Julia,

I now what you mean about being reluctant to give it up, I feel that I wouldn't
be me if I changed.

My pyschologist gave up trying CBT on me! She would give me some positive
phrases to repeat alot but I wouldn't do it, my reaction was always that it
wouldn't help me so I dismissed it. When I see her I always get told that I
seem to be coping well, I don't like telling her about how I think, I feel like
I'd let her down. I think that this might be self-sabotage on my part, if she
doesn't know about the depressed thinking she can't help with it and I get to
keep it.

I'm going to make an effort to tell her the truth next time I see her, I'm going
to print off my original post, I don't feel able to actually speak about the way
I feel, I feel embarrassed by it and want to dismiss it.

Heather
--- In dysthymia@..., "joviangel1978" <joviangel1978@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Heather,
>
> I, too, am starting to think that being depressed is just pat of who I am, and
without it I don't know how my life would be. I believe that I am reluctant to
banish depression from my life because it's a big part of it.
>
> How are you finding CBT? The main issue I have with it is that it makes it
seem like its your fault for feeling depressed as it is entirely under your
contol...then again, it could be my warped way of thinking.
>
> Best wishes,
>
> Julia
>
> --- In dysthymia@..., "Heather Walker" <h.walker07@> wrote:
> >
> > Hiya,
> >
> > I started seeing a CBT psychologist years ago after I was referred to her
through my plastic surgeon (the left side of my face is paralysed) but at the
time I was completely sceptical about how it could work. I still see the doctor
and now I feel like I am finally in the right place to start working and making
a difference in my head. The fact that I've been able to put into words how I
feel makes me think that I might be able to tell the truth to the professionals
:)
> >
> > Heather
> > --- In dysthymia@..., claire king <sophis_lady@> wrote:
> > >
> > > have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy?
> > >
> > > http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000424
> > >  
> > > its normal when depressed to feel strange feelings like jealousy when
others kill themselves, your brain is unhappy and looking for ways to put itself
out of its own misery, but it is final once done.
> > > reading this page helped me the other day-
> > > http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide.php
> > >  
> > > remove the plaster.
> > >  
> > >
> > > --- On Sat, 20/6/09, Heather Walker <h.walker07@> wrote:
> > >
> > >
> > > From: Heather Walker <h.walker07@>
> > > Subject: [dysthymia] 'Liking' depression?
> > > To: dysthymia@...
> > > Date: Saturday, 20 June, 2009, 7:27 PM
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Hi,
> > > I need to get this out cos it's going round and round in my head...
> > > I'm trying to manage myself better ie knowing warning signs that I am
going down, but I feel like fighting a losing battle as I believe that I 'like'
being depressed. I have been like this so long that when I am faced with
anything bad getting depressed is my default reaction :( This thinking is so
ingrained that I find it really hard to react appropriately. Even when watching
TV and something goes wrong for a character I think that they should get
depressed. Another thing I think may be connected to my messed up world view is
that when I hear or see something about someone killing themselves I don't react
with horror or sympathy, I feel kind of jealous, I'm not sure why.
> > > I feel like the depression is like a plaster over a wound and admitting to
myself that the way I think about some things is wrong is like removing the
plaster but I think that the wound won't heal without removing plaster :(
> > >
> > > Heather
> > >
> >
>