Hi,

I need to get this out cos it's going round and round in my head...

I'm trying to manage myself better ie knowing warning signs that I am going

down, but I feel like fighting a losing battle as I believe that I 'like' being

depressed. I have been like this so long that when I am faced with anything bad

getting depressed is my default reaction :( This thinking is so ingrained that I

find it really hard to react appropriately.  Even when watching TV and something

goes wrong for a character I think that they should get depressed.  Another

thing I think may be connected to my messed up world view is that when I hear or

see something about someone killing themselves I don't react with horror or

sympathy, I feel kind of jealous, I'm not sure why.

I feel like the depression is like a plaster over a wound and admitting to

myself that the way I think about some things is wrong is like removing the

plaster but I think that the wound won't heal without removing plaster :(



Heather

I understand.  Really, depression is the coping mechanism we've used for years.  One needs to find other mechanisms that work. 

I once had dinner with a woman I didn't know, at a restaurant neither of us had ever been to.    There was a sign that cars of people not patronizing the restaurant were subject to having their cars towed, but of course, we were patrons. While we ate dinner, her car was towed away .The tow lot was close enough to walk to, so we walked.  And found her car in a locked lot with dobermans. And the tow truck driver.  She adopted the technique of the broken record.  Not anger, not diverting to unrelated issues, just "I want my car."  Yes, we explained the situation to the tow truck driver, but he was illiterate (really, really, in this day&age). And fearful he would lose his job.  But she kept repeating "I want my car."  Along come the lot owner, my friend persisted in her broken record..... and got her car. 

I learned the broken record technique = keep it simple, don't involve extraneous issues, don't beg, don't threaten.  Just keep stating what it is you want.  And I've used it successfully any number of times.  Wonderful, no angst, no rage, no gloating, nor vengeance.

You can't do a makeover instantaneously.  But you can learn other  ways of succeeding at what you want.

Liz
---------- Original Message ----------
From: "Heather Walker" <h.walker07@...>
To: dysthymia@...
Subject: [dysthymia] 'Liking' depression?
Date: Sat, 20 Jun 2009 18:27:25 -0000

Hiya,



I started seeing a CBT psychologist years ago after I was referred to her

through my plastic surgeon (the left side of my face is paralysed) but at the

time I was completely sceptical about how it could work.  I still see the doctor

and now I feel like I am finally in the right place to start working and making

a difference in my head.  The fact that I've been able to put into words how I

feel makes me think that I might be able to tell the truth to the professionals

:)



Heather

--- In dysthymia@..., claire king <sophis_lady@...> wrote:

>

> have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy?

>

> http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000424

>  

> its normal when depressed to feel strange feelings like jealousy when others

kill themselves, your brain is unhappy and looking for ways to put itself out of

its own misery, but it is final once done.

> reading this page helped me the other day-

> http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide.php

>  

> remove the plaster.

>  

>

> --- On Sat, 20/6/09, Heather Walker <h.walker07@...> wrote:

>

>

> From: Heather Walker <h.walker07@...>

> Subject: [dysthymia] 'Liking' depression?

> To: dysthymia@...

> Date: Saturday, 20 June, 2009, 7:27 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi,

> I need to get this out cos it's going round and round in my head...

> I'm trying to manage myself better ie knowing warning signs that I am going

down, but I feel like fighting a losing battle as I believe that I 'like' being

depressed. I have been like this so long that when I am faced with anything bad

getting depressed is my default reaction :( This thinking is so ingrained that I

find it really hard to react appropriately. Even when watching TV and something

goes wrong for a character I think that they should get depressed. Another thing

I think may be connected to my messed up world view is that when I hear or see

something about someone killing themselves I don't react with horror or

sympathy, I feel kind of jealous, I'm not sure why.

> I feel like the depression is like a plaster over a wound and admitting to

myself that the way I think about some things is wrong is like removing the

plaster but I think that the wound won't heal without removing plaster :(

>

> Heather

>

Hi Heather,



I, too, am starting to think that being depressed is just pat of who I am, and

without it I don't know how my life would be.  I believe that I am reluctant to

banish depression from my life because it's a big part of it.



How are you finding CBT?  The main issue I have with it is that it makes it seem

like its your fault for feeling depressed as it is entirely under your

contol...then again, it could be my warped way of thinking.



Best wishes,



Julia



--- In dysthymia@..., "Heather Walker" <h.walker07@...> wrote:

>

> Hiya,

>

> I started seeing a CBT psychologist years ago after I was referred to her

through my plastic surgeon (the left side of my face is paralysed) but at the

time I was completely sceptical about how it could work.  I still see the doctor

and now I feel like I am finally in the right place to start working and making

a difference in my head.  The fact that I've been able to put into words how I

feel makes me think that I might be able to tell the truth to the professionals

:)

>

> Heather

> --- In dysthymia@..., claire king <sophis_lady@> wrote:

> >

> > have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy?

> >

> > http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000424

> >  

> > its normal when depressed to feel strange feelings like jealousy when others

kill themselves, your brain is unhappy and looking for ways to put itself out of

its own misery, but it is final once done.

> > reading this page helped me the other day-

> > http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide.php

> >  

> > remove the plaster.

> >  

> >

> > --- On Sat, 20/6/09, Heather Walker <h.walker07@> wrote:

> >

> >

> > From: Heather Walker <h.walker07@>

> > Subject: [dysthymia] 'Liking' depression?

> > To: dysthymia@...

> > Date: Saturday, 20 June, 2009, 7:27 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi,

> > I need to get this out cos it's going round and round in my head...

> > I'm trying to manage myself better ie knowing warning signs that I am going

down, but I feel like fighting a losing battle as I believe that I 'like' being

depressed. I have been like this so long that when I am faced with anything bad

getting depressed is my default reaction :( This thinking is so ingrained that I

find it really hard to react appropriately. Even when watching TV and something

goes wrong for a character I think that they should get depressed. Another thing

I think may be connected to my messed up world view is that when I hear or see

something about someone killing themselves I don't react with horror or

sympathy, I feel kind of jealous, I'm not sure why.

> > I feel like the depression is like a plaster over a wound and admitting to

myself that the way I think about some things is wrong is like removing the

plaster but I think that the wound won't heal without removing plaster :(

> >

> > Heather

> >

>

Julia,



I now what you mean about being reluctant to give it up, I feel that I wouldn't

be me if I changed.



My pyschologist gave up trying CBT on me! She would give me some positive

phrases to repeat alot but I wouldn't do it, my reaction was always that it

wouldn't help me so I dismissed it.  When I see her I always get told that I

seem to be coping well, I  don't like telling her about how I think, I feel like

I'd let her down.  I think that this might be self-sabotage on my part, if she

doesn't know about the depressed thinking she can't help with it and I get to

keep it.



I'm going to make an effort to tell her the truth next time I see her, I'm going

to print off my original post, I don't feel able to actually speak about the way

I feel, I feel embarrassed by it and want to dismiss it.



Heather

--- In dysthymia@..., "joviangel1978" <joviangel1978@...> wrote:

>

> Hi Heather,

>

> I, too, am starting to think that being depressed is just pat of who I am, and

without it I don't know how my life would be.  I believe that I am reluctant to

banish depression from my life because it's a big part of it.

>

> How are you finding CBT?  The main issue I have with it is that it makes it

seem like its your fault for feeling depressed as it is entirely under your

contol...then again, it could be my warped way of thinking.

>

> Best wishes,

>

> Julia

>

> --- In dysthymia@..., "Heather Walker" <h.walker07@> wrote:

> >

> > Hiya,

> >

> > I started seeing a CBT psychologist years ago after I was referred to her

through my plastic surgeon (the left side of my face is paralysed) but at the

time I was completely sceptical about how it could work.  I still see the doctor

and now I feel like I am finally in the right place to start working and making

a difference in my head.  The fact that I've been able to put into words how I

feel makes me think that I might be able to tell the truth to the professionals

:)

> >

> > Heather

> > --- In dysthymia@..., claire king <sophis_lady@> wrote:

> > >

> > > have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy?

> > >

> > > http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000424

> > >  

> > > its normal when depressed to feel strange feelings like jealousy when

others kill themselves, your brain is unhappy and looking for ways to put itself

out of its own misery, but it is final once done.

> > > reading this page helped me the other day-

> > > http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide.php

> > >  

> > > remove the plaster.

> > >  

> > >

> > > --- On Sat, 20/6/09, Heather Walker <h.walker07@> wrote:

> > >

> > >

> > > From: Heather Walker <h.walker07@>

> > > Subject: [dysthymia] 'Liking' depression?

> > > To: dysthymia@...

> > > Date: Saturday, 20 June, 2009, 7:27 PM

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > > I need to get this out cos it's going round and round in my head...

> > > I'm trying to manage myself better ie knowing warning signs that I am

going down, but I feel like fighting a losing battle as I believe that I 'like'

being depressed. I have been like this so long that when I am faced with

anything bad getting depressed is my default reaction :( This thinking is so

ingrained that I find it really hard to react appropriately. Even when watching

TV and something goes wrong for a character I think that they should get

depressed. Another thing I think may be connected to my messed up world view is

that when I hear or see something about someone killing themselves I don't react

with horror or sympathy, I feel kind of jealous, I'm not sure why.

> > > I feel like the depression is like a plaster over a wound and admitting to

myself that the way I think about some things is wrong is like removing the

plaster but I think that the wound won't heal without removing plaster :(

> > >

> > > Heather

> > >

> >

>