(adapted from http://www.tellmeabouttos.com/)
...You have the pain capacity of 5 people.
...You look in shock at the doctor when they say "Hey, how are you,
you look great"
...You forget what day of the week it is.
...You believe that "Ask the Doctor" is an evil plot.
...You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the
phrase "wow, I don't feel too bad today" is uttered.
...You mutter, "Please don't shake hands" when being introduced to a
stranger.
...You believe painkillers are a food group.
...You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
...Your most common assessment question is, "What changed today to
make it so painful?"
...You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider
radiation a form of birth control.
...You have ever had a lawyer look you straight in the eye and
say, "you look normal to me".
...You are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about
your day.
...When in a bookstore, you see if anyone wrote a book on this, yet.
...You write down when you take meds because you can't remember when
you took them last.
...A "pat on the back" takes on a whole new meaning.
...Your list of doctors looks like a "Who's Who in The Medical
Field."
...You could be licensed as a pharmacist by default.
...Pain "management" becomes your specialty.
...You need to be chauffeured everywhere.
...You still have a sense of humor when most people would have been
committed.
...People around you start calling you "One tough cookie".
...You know how rich people feel when they have someone else put up
and take down their decorations, and all you have to do is watch.
...You can go back to being a child, and have someone else cut your
meat.
...You start buying groceries based on the package sizing and weight.
(i.e. no more gallon milk jugs!)
...Sexy is wearing your heating pad to bed.
...There's no more hot water for anyone else.
...You can't wait to get a phone call from anyone…even a bill
collector.
...Your next to best friend is on the forum.
...Your husband takes more vacation days off taking you to the Dr.
than going fishing!
...You use your body to push open the door at a restaurant and wait
for someone to pull it open.
...Nobody asks how you're doing for fear you might answer.
...You only have plastic cups in the cupboards.
...You idolize the dishwasher.
...Surfing the net for new jokes at 3am is not unusual.
...In the absence of children, you fantasize about training your pets
on housekeeping.
...The pizza delivery boy/girl knows your first name and doesn't need
directions to your house.
...You can't tell if the water is cold or hot by feeling it.
...If you got stabbed you probably wouldn't notice.
...You can't write / type anymore.
...You know who your real friends are.
...Your Dr. smiles at you as he walks in the room to see you and you
see a Lincoln Town Car catalog sticking out of your chart.
...You have your own changing room at the MRI place.
...You can fall asleep during an EMG.
...You have to search for a parking place away from cars so you can
pull straight through to avoid backing up when you leave.
...Everyone asks why you're getting "dressed up" when you ask for
someone to help you brush your hair.
...Your family doesn't recognize you with new, short hair.
...You can do the entire FM/CFS/TOS physical by memory, and tell the
Dr. if he's doing something incorrectly.
...When you go shopping, you focus in on the self-propelled vacuum
cleaners.
...You would love to move the laundry room right off of the bedroom
so you didn't have to carry laundry up the stairs.
...At age 25 you've seriously considered purchasing the easy lift
chair they sell on HSN.
...You consider pharmacology a hobby.
...You have personally funded the new hallmark division of your
pharmacy.
...You move and your old pharmacy has to lay off 2 people.
...Your family greets you each morning with "the usual" which
translates into the FM/CFS/TOS cocktail: 2 parts Tylenol with
Codeine, 1 part Flexeril, 1 part Naprosyn, topped off with a garnish
of Prozac for a splash of color.
…2AM is an early night
...You go to the pharmacy and they know you by your first name.
...You look up and get dizzy.
...You go Christmas shopping and you buy gift certificates so you
don't have to carry heavy packages.
...You can't tell good days from bad days anymore.
...When you have a good day it takes you four or five days to recoup.
...Your pharmacy lets you buy in bulk.
...The cops have told you the town drug dealer moved because he
was "embarrassed of his light-weight assortment."
...You play eenie - meenie - miney - moe what's the drug of the day
with your meds.
...You are able to recite and sing every info-commercial that comes
on TV and they are your favorite 3AM shows.
...You can't remember the last time you were able to put your arms
over your head for a "good" good morning stretch.
...When you threaten to beat the kids, they roll their eyes, laugh,
and say - "Not in your Lifetime."
...Your pyjamas are now your everyday clothes.
...You are trying to find someone to go in on financing and patenting
plans for a riding vacuum cleaner.
...People come to you for medical advice instead of their family
doctor.
...People come to you for legal advice instead of their lawyer.
…Your good china is the heavy paper plates with flowers.
...Instant potatoes have become an exotic delicacy.
...The cats can make the bed better than you do.
...You have more ideas of what to do with empty medicine bottles than
Martha Stewart - and the word on the street is she "Has people
looking for you".
...The easiest way to open the jar of pickles is to throw them on the
floor.
...You are best friends with the neighbors Pit-Bull - you let him in
to eat off your kitchen floor so you don't have to sweep it anymore.
...The drug store calls you when they run out of something.
...You only shop in stores with automatic or revolving doors.
...Your friend that also has FM/CFS/TOS tells you the best way to
dust is to spray the cats down with Pledge and toss them across the
furniture.
...Then to clean the cats, put soap in the toilet, throw them in, and
flush a couple of times - cleans the toilet too.
...The last time you filled your car with gas it was 87 cents a
gallon.
...The senior citizens in the retirement complex across the street
from you see more action than you do and they can actually enjoy it.
...You no longer fear going to Hell, because you already are living
it, and Hell can't be worse than this.
...You don't have to worry about writer's cramp anymore, because you
use voice activated commands for your computer.
...You ask the hospital if they have something like a frequent flyer
bonus program for all the money you have spent so generously.
...The new multi-million dollar addition at the hospital is being
dedicated and named after you for all of your hard work and
dedication and willingness to be the local experiment in new
innovative FM/CFS/TOS treatments.
...They ask you "To cut the Ribbon" at the opening ceremonies and you
have to decline - the hospital administrator was not told that it
hurts you too much to manipulate scissors.
...You are in the bank during a hostile take-over, and the robbers
tell everyone, "stick em up" - You say, "um, excuse me, is this going
to take very long? I have medical documentation that says I can't do
that."
...You ask your pharmacy if they have a drug of the month club.
...The "perfect gift" is a microwave-able heating pad, it's portable
and there are no wires or little heating elements in those to jab
you.
...The next specialist you will need to see is a foot doctor to un-
web your toes because you spend so much time in the bathtub soaking.
...The makers of Deep Heat send you their fiscal reports, and thank
you for your continued support.
...In your continued search on information about FM/CFS/TOS, you come
across a new article, and the visual aid is a picture of you.
...Your doctor has adopted you for medical tax write offs, and
lovingly refers to you as "the jackpot problem child".
...Your pharmacy sends you a Christmas card!
...Your kids yell "no more hot dogs for supper!"
...If you are known to supply your primary care physician with
medical journal articles about FM/CFS/TOS!
...You can't stand those pain reliever commercials on TV.
...You know your medical insurance ID# by heart!
...You know your insurance companies phone # by heart!
...You've had to stop walking the dog because he pulls too hard, and
he's only a Chihuahua.
...You choose your clothes based not on whether they're flattering,
but on how many pockets they have and how strategically they're
placed.
...Your 8 yr old folds the clothes better than you do.
...You can type 35wpm with one hand.
...When the wave goes around a stadium it stops with you.
...You're glad you're going bald because you won't have to strain
your arm and shoulder to brush your hair any more.
...You never wear a seat belt because of the pain of the shoulder
strap, you can't put it under your arm and what's the difference
anyway.
...When getting a chest x-ray they say, "take a deep breath and hold
it", you fake it.
...Your shoes are all slip-ons.
...The cat loves you because you make such a good spot for naps.
...You see a "bad teen" on TV who got thrown out of school for
selling prescription pain meds and wish you had a kid in the same
class.
...When the local paper has smiling pictures of certain medical
people, you make sure they're facing up in the bottom of the
birdcage.
...You try to get your toddler interested in a career in neurology,
vascular surgery or pain management.
...You feel like a perfectly normal person until you try to do
anything that perfectly normal people can do.
...Your nurse tells you that they are naming an examining room after
you.

Best wishes