it seems that io have now returned to this
club.... Iain has been gone for almost 7 months now and
somehow i find mysself reading the messages
again.....<br>Hannahs story...in a very selfish way (aas Usual) i find
that my loss was small compared to you...i have 2
healthy kids ...how lucky i am.<br>The missing the simple
things that bring the whole thing straight in your
face...yes ........mine at the moment is a song from
gabrielle..over you....i just sums up how i feel at the
moment.<br>Do i miss Iain? i have larnt not to miss him as
much....i miss the situation i was in before..i miss
listening to someone i love even though i was bored out of
my head in the work things..i miss someone looking
at me and loving me..i miss loving the hating
things. i miss being one of two and complimenting someone
so well..i miss saming a fool of myself and the him
telling me so...<br>its more the where i have been left.
then missing the person. i have accepted that he isnt
coming back..i have realised that the best is behind me.
but i cannot accept it yet....i have to learn to live
with knowing that i had my soulmate ....i do enjoy
thinking of the past and the times with him..its just hard
for me to accept that the future is going to be soooo
dullllll.
Its taken a while but finaly managed to put Story in Photo's Defult
Album<br><br>The story has also been sold to a National Paper The
Mirror.<br><br>Let me know what you all think
Your`e right, with me it`s when i`m driving and you hear a certain song on the
radio.You can either switch off or sing along,I find it helps to sing along with
it!
It still hurst the loss of a loved one and its amazing how it can hit you out of
the blue and over the trivalist of things that can bring back a memory.
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear<br>If we
could live without passion<br>Maybe we'd know some kind
of peace<br>But we would be hollow<br>Empty rooms,
shuttered and dank<br>Without passsion......we'd be truly
dead.
A lot of people say "the children will keep you
going" but sometimes you wish you didnt have to keep
going for the children, grief is selfish you want to be
left alone with your thoughts, cry, be misserable, not
have to think, cook, clean.<br><br>Then you are
thinking about them and how they feel and not looking
after your own need to grieve.<br><br>Grief takes
everyone differently, no way is right or wrong, just
whatever is best for you.<br><br>Yes it does become
barable, you find ways of coping, getting by but you never
forget or stop looking for that piece that is
missing.<br><br>After a year im just beging to take control of my life
some its 2 years plus.<br><br>Memory boxes might be of
help for the children abd yourself. Buy a small
storage box fill it with photos, visit programmes
tickets, cards anything thats special and reminds you of
loved one, then at any time you can unpack the box and
remember and cry. Its important to cry dont bottle it
up.<br><br>Ask for help, counciling, suport groups, GP, Church
it can be hard and sometimes your not sure what help
you want or need, you just want them back.<br><br>You
will feel, tired, sad, hurt, helplessness and anger
you will want to scream at him why did you leave me,
and i wouldnt be in this mess if you were here. All
thes feelings are normal. Then with time an aceptance
of how it is becomes more barable.<br><br>The
children move on in there grief too, you think how will
they ever cope or get over this routine is a big help
here.<br><br>Hope this is of some help e mail me anytime
elizabeth.tucker@...
hi <br>i lost my husband on christmas day.
Reality is starting to set in. I cant speak to family
cause they are suffering also. My kids seem to get the
worst of it. Either i am so quite and want to be left
alone or all i do is scream. i have read through some
of the messages. Does it get easier? i know i am not
alone with what i feel cause thousands of people have
lost someone. he was my soulmate my one and only. been
with him since i was 15 now 34. wot do i do without
him. how can i face tomorrow.
Lord what is happening<br>with this delayed
shock?<br>This terrible panic<br>Swooping out of nowhere<br>and
turning<br>my world into chaos?<br><br>Sometimes I shake<br>or
seem to gasp for breath,<br>find it difficult<br>to
swallow.<br>My mouth goes dry,<br>I can go giddy<br>and <br>I am
afraid<br>to be alone<br><br>I feel as if I'm on<br>some sort
of roller coaster<br>going faster and faster.<br>And
I can only look in horror<br>at the empty
place<br>Where the driver should be.<br><br>I don't know who I
am<br>where I am or if I am in<br>control of myself or
what<br>is happening to me.<br><br>I am abandoned, it
seems,<br>to terror, totally confused.<br>I seem to have
become some <br>kind of sub-human
being....<br><br>Surely I must be<br>rejected by those who<br>seem to
cope so well!<br>I feel ashamed,<br>so stupid<br>and
such a nuisance -<br>I want to hide
away.<br><br>Please Lord, don't<br>you walk away and <br>leave me
alone.<br>Stay with me Lord<br>...and love me-<br>Please
Lord?<br><br>MARY HATHWAY
I entered the room<br>Sat by your bed all through
the night<br>I watched your daily fight<br>I hardly
knew<br>The pain was almost more<br>Than I could bear<br>And
still I hear<br>your last words to me<br><br>Heaven is
a place nearby<br>So I won't be so far away<br>And
if you try to look for me<br>Maybe you'll find me
someday<br>Heaven is a place nearby<br>So there's no need to say
goodbye<br>I wannna ask you not to cry<br>I'll always be by
your side<br><br>You just faded away<br>You spread
your wings you had flown<br>Away to something
unknown<br>Wish I could bring you back<br>You're always on my
mind<br>About to tear myself apart<br>You have your special
place in my heart<br><br>And even when I go to
sleep<br>I still can hear your voice<br>And those words<br>I
never will forget<br><br>Lene Marlin
This is a safe place to vent. There are many
feelings involved in greif and it is quite normal to feel
them all at some point. Whatever you feel is right for
you.<br><br>I am in control.<br><br>I will organize a get
together in the chat room soon any sugestions on topic,
best time and day let me know.<br><br>Thin_lizzy_girl
please talk to me <br> i know where you are
<br>dont be afraid talk to me <br>you have much anger to
get out !! you are not alone i have been there ! the
ciecumstances may be different but your loss and hurt and
churning inside must be the same i mean it talk to me
!!<br>( i am a 41 year woman totaly lost after the death
of my mum ) dont stop reading!! i want to be
friends<br>trust me <br>my name is Loraine <br>i live in Kent
<br>and am a supervisor of a per-school in Sheerness<br>
please tallk to me <br> this is very new to me oi have
onyl been on the internet for 12 weeks <br>hope to
talk to you soon <br>LOVE LoraineXXX
There seems to be an invisible barrier between us
and the rest of the world.Beyond it the sun is
shining, flowers blooming and birds singing-but we live in
a different world. Part of me is angry that people
can be happy and enjoy the world around them. Its
almost as if they have no right to be happy while the
things they enjoy cannot reach us. Somehow we have
stepped off the track, left the road and now the rest of
the world is whizzing by and we are left
behind.<br><br>On the way into hospital I saw the signs of spring
and thought that on the return journey we would be
able to enjoy them at last. The shadow over our lives
would be lifted and we could put the weeks of worry and
uncertainty behind us.<br><br>But it wasnt the end, only the
beginning and we already feel we have no strength left.
It's as if our car hasn't just come off the road its
crashed, leaving us bleeding on the side of the track
while everyone else steams past. We are behind an
invisible barrier while everyone else is in the
sunshine.<br><br>MARY HATHAWAY
Some new photos for you to look at and I hope you all find peace at Christmas.
Its not an ease time. If I get desperate I could always ring Care Line!!!!!
Hi there all!<br> i am so sorry for all your
losses, Christmas is a particularly hard time for me as
well.I lost my Mum ( she was also my best friend ) 13
months ago this will be my second Christmas without her,
she loved this time of the year she made Christmas
for me and my family, i am trying hard to get in the
festive mood for my mum she would have been sad to know
how i feel now. She loved getting presents and things
for her grandchildren!. I have my Dad who lives
around the corner from me , he is also making an effort
as well God bless him.<br>Talk again soon <br>
Loraine XXX
Your right christmas is a difficult time, our
daughter was stillborn 2 years ago and she should have
been a christmas baby, christmas is such a special
time after all its a celebration of a new life. Its
also hard for me because I lost my mum 10 years ago,
she was more than a mum she was my best friend, I can
not help but feel sad that she is not here with us
and that she never saw our son who is five and she
will never hold the baby I am expecting in may.
Why is christmas so difficult to hanndle when
you've lost a loved one? Why do people ignor the fact
that you've lost a loved one or suddly decide they'd
better contact you. What happened to the other 11 months
of the year?
My father died, some 14 years ago very suddenly
in the night, l was only 10 years old at the time
but l still think about him everyday and sometimes l
wished he was still here so that l could talk to him
about this and that.<br><br>When l was 22 years old, a
girl that l knew very well at school died from an
inoperable brain tumour. I had known her for 11 years. I
still think about her every day because we had so much
fun over those 11 years.<br><br>Take
care<br><br>Brian
I am sorry for your loss i dont supose the pain
of loosing someone you have loved ever passes you
just live life with it i lost my mum 14 momths ago the
pain i feel has slowly decreased but not gon you have
to turn you pain into good memories it helps <br>
Rainlady
allthu it was 15 years ago the pain has allways
been there and the memarys are fixed in my mind i lost
my farther and schoolsweetheart within three month
of each other and i allways think of them every day
two beutyfull people that i will allways love jeff
HI there my name is loraine i lost my mum to
cancer nearly 15 months ago, this left a great hole in
my life. i can only try to understand the pain you
must have felt, indeed still feel. <br><br>The poem
'Death is nothing at all' was read out at mums funeral
requested by me. When reading throug the messages in your
club i wanted to join. things do go on one step
forwads two back, <br>talk soon loraine XX
our daughter was stillborn 2 years ago due to a
virus that is very much the same as flu when it comes
to symptoms, except i had no syptoms because i had
the virus 15 yrs before without knowing until it was
too late to save our baby, if the hospital had
checked my first bloods for this virus our baby would be
here with us nw. I am also a member of the NF club as
i have NF and am also pregnant because of what
happened with our daughter the next six months are going
to be very stressful, although i do now have the
anti-bodies to protect me from the virus i still worry, I do
not think I could get through that again.
Death is nothing at all....<br>I have only
slipped awayinto the next room ...<br>I amI and you are
you...<br>Whatever we were to each other that we are still.<br>Call
me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy
way which you always used.<br>Put no difference into
your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or
sorrow.<br>Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we
enjoyed together.<br>Play, smile, think of me, pray for
me.<br>Let my name be ever the household word that it always
was.<br>Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of
a shadow on it.<br>Life means all that it ever
meant.<br>It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely
unbroken continuity.<br>What is this death but a
negligible accident?<br>Why should I be out of mind because
I am out of sight?<br>I am just waiting for you,
for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the
corner...<br>All is well,<br><br>by Cannon Henry Scott Holland
Do not stand at my grave and weep,<br>I am not
there.<br>I do not sleep.<br>I am a thousand winds that
blow,<br>I am the diamond glints on snow.<br>I am the
sunlight on ripened grain,<br>I am the gentle autumn
rain.<br>When you awaken in the morning's hush,<br>I am the
swift uplifting rush of quiet birds<br>in circled
flight.<br>I am the soft starts that shine at night.<br>Do not
stand at my grave and cry,<br>I am not there;<br>I ndid
not die.
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