A WOMAN'S DICTIONARY



Argument
(ar*gyou*ment):n.








A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it
yet.



Airhead
(er*head): n.

What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a Police Officer.


Bar-be-que
(bar*bi*q): n.

You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced
the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up - but he "made the
dinner."


Blonde jokes
(blond joks):n.

Jokes that are short so men can understand them.


Cantaloupe
(kant*e*lope):n.

Gotta get married in a church.


Clothes dryer
(kloze dri*yer):n.

An appliance designed to eat socks.


Diet soda
(dy*it so*da):n.

A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of
peanut M&Ms.


Eternity
(e*ter*ni*tee):n.

The last two minutes of a football game.


Exercise
(ex*er*siz): v.

To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.


Grocery list
(grow*ser*ee list): n

What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the
store.


Hair dresser
(hare dres*er): n.

Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate
again. See "Magician."


Hardware store
(hard*war stor): n.

Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out
anytime soon.


Childbirth
(child*brth): n.

You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand
and say, "focus....breathe...push..."


Lipstick
(lip*stik): n.

On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his
collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!


Park
(park): v./n.

Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After
children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.


Patience
(pa*shens): n.

The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also
"tranquilizers."


Waterproof mascara
(wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah): n.

Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to
remove it.


Valentine's Day
(val*en*tinez dae): n.

A day when you have dreams of a candle light dinner, diamonds and romance,
but consider yourself lucky to get a card.


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