Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite
a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and are
considering banninng your entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We
have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our
clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All
complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

Complaints - 14 Things Mr. Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping:

1. June 15 - Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
when they weren't looking.

2. July 2 - Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7 - Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19 - Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code
3 in housewares"..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4 - Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay-away.

6. September 14 - Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15 - Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23 - When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and
asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4 - Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose!

10. November 10 - While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3 - Darted suspiciously around the store, loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 18 - Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK ME, PICK ME!"

13. December 21 - When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
the fetal position and screamed "NO, NO, It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

14. December 23 - Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while,
then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"




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