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In Series 4 of the popular ITV television show, Sooty joined the long
list of people who have been spoof on the show. The following is the
Script from the part of the show that Sooty appear in for those that
never saw the show. PLEASE discuss if you like or dislike this by
replying to this message.

2DTV: LOTR vs Geller Script

Writers - Burton / Pritchett / Sinclair / Pilbrow

EPIC HEAVENLY LORD OF THE RINGS MUSIC.

CAPTION: "LORD OF THE RINGS 4" SUB-CAPTION "THE SCRAPING OF THE
BARREL"

EXT. SARUMAN'S TOWER. SARUMAN, COMPLETE WITH LONG BEARD & WHITE
CLOAK, ORCHESTRATES A HUGE THUNDERSTORM WITH THUNDER AND LIGHTNING.
HE POINTS HIS WIZARD'S STICK AND UPROOTS TREES, COWS, "WELCOME TO NEW
ZEALAND" SIGNS ETC, WHICH SWIRL AROUND IN THE STORM.

V/O:

Middle Earth was once again under attack. It seemed Saruman was
undefeatable, but there was one wizard whose magical powers he hadn't
reckoned with..

CUT TO INTERIOR TOWER. WE SEE SARUMAN.

SARUMAN:

Uri Geller?

GELLER:

See! I knew you were going to say that!

SARUMAN:

Begone, fool.

SARUMAN ZAPS HIM AGAINST THE WALL.

GELLER:

Ha! Now you shall feel the might of the one they call... not that
often.

HE POINTS FINGER TOWARDS SARUMAN.

SARUMAN:

Huh?

SARUMAN TAKES SPOON OUT OF CLOAK POCKET.

SARUMAN:

My tea-spoon's bent a bit...

GELLER:

Had enough yet?! Or do you want me to... Stop your watch?!

GELLER POINTS AGAIN AND CONCENTRATES. SARUMAN EXPOSES HIS WRISTWATCH
(FROM CLOAK SLEEVE) AND PUTS IT TO HIS EAR.

SARUMAN:

Seems fine.

GELLER:

It usually works - you're not concentrating!

SFX: SLOW SQUEAKY WINCHING NOISE

BLAINE IN GLASS BOX ARRIVES.

BLAINE:

Fear not Uri, for the powers of he who is Blaine are with you. Yield
Saruman or I will ... stay in this box for a further 44 days.

SARUMAN POINTS STAFF AT BLAINE. EGGS, TOMATOES, GOLF BALLS FLY OUT OF
IT AT BOX.

BLAINE:

Ow - eh! Watch it! Quit it!

SFX: SPLAT. DONK ETC.

SARUMAN:

Ha ha - No wizard can match my magic powers.

SOOTY POPS UP BEHIND DESK NEAR GELLER. HE HAS WAND.

SARUMAN:

Sooty?! All is lost!

SFX: KAZAM!

SARUMAN:

Aaargh!

SOOTY BLASTS SARUMAN AND LEAVES TWO SMOKING SANDALS.

GELLER:

What's that Sooty?

SOOTY WHISPERS INTO GELLER'S EAR.

GELLER:

I knew he was going to say that!

ENDS