GOD'S TAKE ON LAWNS:
Posted By: Curious
Date: Wednesday, 15 June 2005, 5:28 a.m.
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had with St. Francis on the
subject of lawns:
God: Hey St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world
is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect "no maintenance" garden
plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with
abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey
bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now.
But all I see are these green rectangles.
St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and
replace them with grass.
God: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
St. Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
green. The begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant
that crops up in the lawn.
God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy.
St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it...
sometimes twice a week.
God: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
St. Francis: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
God: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so when it does grow,
they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
St. Francis: Yes, Sir.
God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the
rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of
work.
St. Francis: You are not going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can
continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
God: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to
provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees
and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's
a natural circle of life.
St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to
have them hauled away.
God: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and
to keep the soil moist and loose?
St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which
they call mulch. The haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
God: And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
God: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. Sister Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
Sister Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a real stupid movie about.....
God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
El Ojo Del Lago News



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