Dave,

Thanks for all the input!

I can see what you are saying and it makes sense. I'm a fairly
funny writer, but that's a lot easier than comics because I have the
whole page to express something as opposed to three columns.

I never thought about the two punchlines before, but that's awesome
and totally beyond my capabilities at this point.

I'll try a little more honing, and after these ISO standard projects
I'm working on are finished later this year I may try again with the
group.

But like I said, writing and being funny in stories is a lot easier
for me than writing such a succinct comic; and especially pointing
out the long-windedness reminded me of other comics I got bored with
because of the very same reason.

I'll check out the top voters and do some more work.

cheers,

Paul


--- In rmcsforum@..., d_hemming <no_reply@...> wrote:
>
> --- In rmcsforum@..., "Paul" <strongbadforawesome@>
> wrote:
> >
> >
> > Kurt,
> >
> > Hi. I came up with the first three a day or two ago, and I just
> > came up with the last three just now.
> >
> > Am I improving any? Or do I just not have the idea yet?
> >
> > 1. http://monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=108031
> >
> > 2. http://monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=108032
> >
> > 3. http://monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=108034
> >
> >
> > 4. http://monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=108104
> >
> > 5. http://monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=108105
> >
> > 6. http://monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=108106
> >
> > It's not a big deal if I'm not that funny, I'll just try to see
if I
> > have other talents.
> >
> > Thanks for the input so far!
> >
> > Paul
>
> Enh. There's some funny concepts there, but they're spoiled by your
> execution. Take "5" for example.
>
> Concept: Coach expects team members to get physical. But he's
coaching
> the chess team. It's not a fantastic joke but it has potential.
> Execution: By the time I get to the punchline, I'm bored and
looking
> at my watch. And the punchline is really longwinded.
>
> Here's how I'd do it:
>
> Coach: Dammit Ted, I'm cutting your kid from the team!
> Ted: What? Why?
>
> Coach: He's a goddamn sissy! He doesn't take any of my
instructions!
> Ted: What do you mean?
>
> Coach: I signal him to punch his opposite number in the throat and
he
> just looks at me!
> Ted: You know this is the chess team, right?
>
> Half as many words, same joke, and the punchline is right at the
end
> where you want it. We establish coach as over-the-top violence as a
> solution to every problem - which is expected but still amusing -
and
> then we give it the unexpected twist of chess right at the very
end.
>
> #1 suffers from the same problem of too much unrelated talking
before
> getting to the point. #2 is okay, but you kill the punchline by
making
> it go on and on. #3 just makes me sad. #4 resides within the
> Meativerse, as it were, but lacks funny - it's just Earl being
Earl.
> #6 is just jumping up and down on the punchline to #5 to make sure
all
> the funny has been stomped out of it.
>
> Read some of the best scoring comics - see how they get the funny
> across with the minimum words. Here's an example that didn't score
> very well, but still scored better than any of those 6 would -
> http://www.monkeydyne.com/rmcs/dbcomic.phtml?rowid=4999
>
> I was watching a show about shark fishing and they kept mentioning
> chum, and I thought about chums and the strip was born. Really,
it's a
> teeny tiny joke but I like to think I got the maximum amount of
humour
> out of it.
>
> My favourite strips are those where panel 3 delivers 2 punchlines -
> e.g. http://www.monkeydyne.com/rmcs/dbcomic.phtml?rowid=1353 but
> that's rare (here the punchline is he doesn't know 9 is low for a
> sperm count, the 2nd is it's in a stool sample, also the whole
thing
> is gross for extra points).
>
> I've tried to be more helpful than "you suck" but comedy is a very
> personal thing. It's possible your sense of humour is simply too
> different from that of the members to get an account. Again, read
the
> "top 30 comics" and try and write stuff like that - if you can,
you're
> funny generally, if you can't you're just funny to your own clique.
>
> Dave
>