`Richard' and miniman approached the club. "Look miniman we may as
well stop arguing and let's just have a good night out and not get
with a couple of ladies; howEver I want a cool name like yours so no
more Richard, I want to be known as RJ from hereon". miniman
thought this was a rubbish name, "Argie?! People will think you're
from bloody Argentina, and not even the Venezuelan monobrows like the
argies"
"Not Argie! R…J! Cool isn't it. By the way you have a bit of a
monobrow."
"Oh shit I haven't shaved it". Will you stop pointing out my
physical inadequacies? First my height. Then my weight. Now my
eyebrow. Just because you go to the gym, three, four, five times a
week in order to get something fit doesn't give you the right to pick
on the rest of us."

At this point our gangstas approached the door of the club. The
doorman, Broomster, didn't like the cut of their jibs. He drew his
attention away from the women he will never have, long enough to
say, "Hold it fellas. What is your business in `Titanic: the club'
tonight?"
RJ, the brains behind the operation, realised the truth would not
impress the Broomster and said, "We're just here for a good night out
grooving to the latest grooves."
"There have been reports that a couple of likely lads have been
terrorising the nearby forest and upsetting the Queen," the Broomster
replied with a touch of pride. The Queen was a source of great
inspiration to the folks of SHUXItown and her name was mentioned with
reverence among its inhabitants, "not to mention their attempt on
Olly San's life as well." Olly san was a source of less inspiration,
but was nevertheless respected and it was well known he was not to be
trifled with, especially if chairs were in the vicinity.
It was at this that the Broomster thought that anyone who would dare
mess with Olly san was a force not to be trifled with. The
Broomster surveyed the sight that lay before him. He looked at the
miniman, as his companion said "he's not letting us in because of
your weight and eyebrow". Not fat at all, thought the Broomster.
He looked at his friend that berated him. "Larger than the miniman,
but still quite small." He saw the look in the man's eyes and
realised that that was the look of a man who has had a gun pointed to
his head and not been afraid. A man who would defy criminals who
wanted vital information out of him….and would, also, undoubtedly
ignore a bouncer who would not let him in. Miniman and RJ squared
up to the Broomster, who though was larger than the pair, suddenly
thought, "they don't pay me well enough for this."
"Enjoy your night boys".

DJ Broomy considered what to play after `wannabe'. He felt a stare
on the back of his neck and turned from his decks to face the
Queen. The Queen extended her hand placed a cd in DJ Broomy's
hand. "Track 5" the Queen icily said. It was not a request.
"When I can fit it in," the DJ replied, "whilst I can see this song
fits the ethos of the club it does not really follow the spice
girls".
"Track 5. Next song. My public grow impatient"
As the bassline drew wannabe to a close and the DJ punched the air
shouting "if you wannnabe my lover," he expertly mixed the
orchestrated intro to my heart will go on. The club went dark and a
single light fell on the Queen who held in her arms another girl.
The second girl was clearly having difficulty hiding her amusement at
the dance and song they were going to perform; and made no attempts
to hide her delight at this perfect moment with her Rosary.
"Good Evening everyone".
The cheer went up and subsided just in time to hear "Every night in
my dreams I see you, I feel you…"

Meanwhile, in a dark corner of `Titanic: The Club', miniman had put
on his best shy, innocent, little boy act and turning to the `ho' on
his right (who it was, at least up until that point, going well with)
said, "Are you a lesbian?"
RJ shook his head in wonderment while the queue of girls waiting to
be seated with these, obviously, powerful men got excited as,
clearly, the `ho' was offended by this. The girl by RJ's side, whom
he introduced to acquaintances as Blue-T-shirt-Girl to protect her
identity from his dodgy dealing and business, asked what the matter
was. She had obviously not heard the classic miniman chat up
line. She had her eyes turned to the Queen.
"It shows just how highly people think of her that they have never
told her that she absolutely slaughters this song," said Blue-T-shirt-
Girl.
"She is in the position by circumstance." RJ growled under his
breath. "SHUXItown hasn't had an elected ruler since the Lord.
Since then it has been whoever will take the job, or whose mates with
the right people. It discriminates against the first-years, or
those on placement."
"Yeah," miniman spat. His `ho' now departed as `Beatch' took her
place.
"That's high treason!" exclaimed the Blue-T-shirt-Girl.
RJ and miniman looked at her as if this was the point and Blue-T-
shirt-Girl gasped.
"Hey RJ", miniman said as he turned to his partner, "do you know what
they call a quarterpounder with cheese in Rome? They call it a
royale with cheese".


To be continued….

How many Broomies work in `Titanic: The Club'?
Will miniman ever learn that straight girls do not like to be called
lesbians and what are his and RJ's despicable plan for the Queen?

And don't worry if you missed your favourite Olly san in this
episode. He was mourning over the loss of busted but will be back
to his buttock-prodding best in the next episode.