wow great that must've taken you ages
i'm glad to hear burgers are on the menu because i will not tolerate
pasta in the town

olly san (currently on vacation in the year 3000)

--- In shuxi@..., "Emma Offer" <sizimizi@y...> wrote:
>
> `Richard' and miniman approached the club. "Look miniman we may
as
> well stop arguing and let's just have a good night out and not get
> with a couple of ladies; howEver I want a cool name like yours so
no
> more Richard, I want to be known as RJ from hereon". miniman
> thought this was a rubbish name, "Argie?! People will think you're
> from bloody Argentina, and not even the Venezuelan monobrows like
the
> argies"
> "Not Argie! R…J! Cool isn't it. By the way you have a bit of
a
> monobrow."
> "Oh shit I haven't shaved it". Will you stop pointing out my
> physical inadequacies? First my height. Then my weight. Now my
> eyebrow. Just because you go to the gym, three, four, five times
a
> week in order to get something fit doesn't give you the right to
pick
> on the rest of us."
>
> At this point our gangstas approached the door of the club. The
> doorman, Broomster, didn't like the cut of their jibs. He drew
his
> attention away from the women he will never have, long enough to
> say, "Hold it fellas. What is your business in `Titanic: the
club'
> tonight?"
> RJ, the brains behind the operation, realised the truth would not
> impress the Broomster and said, "We're just here for a good night
out
> grooving to the latest grooves."
> "There have been reports that a couple of likely lads have been
> terrorising the nearby forest and upsetting the Queen," the
Broomster
> replied with a touch of pride. The Queen was a source of great
> inspiration to the folks of SHUXItown and her name was mentioned
with
> reverence among its inhabitants, "not to mention their attempt on
> Olly San's life as well." Olly san was a source of less
inspiration,
> but was nevertheless respected and it was well known he was not to
be
> trifled with, especially if chairs were in the vicinity.
> It was at this that the Broomster thought that anyone who would
dare
> mess with Olly san was a force not to be trifled with. The
> Broomster surveyed the sight that lay before him. He looked at
the
> miniman, as his companion said "he's not letting us in because of
> your weight and eyebrow". Not fat at all, thought the
Broomster.
> He looked at his friend that berated him. "Larger than the
miniman,
> but still quite small." He saw the look in the man's eyes and
> realised that that was the look of a man who has had a gun pointed
to
> his head and not been afraid. A man who would defy criminals who
> wanted vital information out of him….and would, also, undoubtedly
> ignore a bouncer who would not let him in. Miniman and RJ
squared
> up to the Broomster, who though was larger than the pair, suddenly
> thought, "they don't pay me well enough for this."
> "Enjoy your night boys".
>
> DJ Broomy considered what to play after `wannabe'. He felt a
stare
> on the back of his neck and turned from his decks to face the
> Queen. The Queen extended her hand placed a cd in DJ Broomy's
> hand. "Track 5" the Queen icily said. It was not a request.
> "When I can fit it in," the DJ replied, "whilst I can see this song
> fits the ethos of the club it does not really follow the spice
> girls".
> "Track 5. Next song. My public grow impatient"
> As the bassline drew wannabe to a close and the DJ punched the air
> shouting "if you wannnabe my lover," he expertly mixed the
> orchestrated intro to my heart will go on. The club went dark and
a
> single light fell on the Queen who held in her arms another girl.
> The second girl was clearly having difficulty hiding her amusement
at
> the dance and song they were going to perform; and made no attempts
> to hide her delight at this perfect moment with her Rosary.
> "Good Evening everyone".
> The cheer went up and subsided just in time to hear "Every night in
> my dreams I see you, I feel you…"
>
> Meanwhile, in a dark corner of `Titanic: The Club', miniman had put
> on his best shy, innocent, little boy act and turning to the `ho'
on
> his right (who it was, at least up until that point, going well
with)
> said, "Are you a lesbian?"
> RJ shook his head in wonderment while the queue of girls waiting to
> be seated with these, obviously, powerful men got excited as,
> clearly, the `ho' was offended by this. The girl by RJ's side,
whom
> he introduced to acquaintances as Blue-T-shirt-Girl to protect her
> identity from his dodgy dealing and business, asked what the matter
> was. She had obviously not heard the classic miniman chat up
> line. She had her eyes turned to the Queen.
> "It shows just how highly people think of her that they have never
> told her that she absolutely slaughters this song," said Blue-T-
shirt-
> Girl.
> "She is in the position by circumstance." RJ growled under his
> breath. "SHUXItown hasn't had an elected ruler since the Lord.
> Since then it has been whoever will take the job, or whose mates
with
> the right people. It discriminates against the first-years, or
> those on placement."
> "Yeah," miniman spat. His `ho' now departed as `Beatch' took her
> place.
> "That's high treason!" exclaimed the Blue-T-shirt-Girl.
> RJ and miniman looked at her as if this was the point and Blue-T-
> shirt-Girl gasped.
> "Hey RJ", miniman said as he turned to his partner, "do you know
what
> they call a quarterpounder with cheese in Rome? They call it a
> royale with cheese".
>
>
> To be continued….
>
> How many Broomies work in `Titanic: The Club'?
> Will miniman ever learn that straight girls do not like to be
called
> lesbians and what are his and RJ's despicable plan for the Queen?
>
> And don't worry if you missed your favourite Olly san in this
> episode. He was mourning over the loss of busted but will be back
> to his buttock-prodding best in the next episode.