Hello how's everything going in the wonderful world of Sheffield having just got
the e-letter i'm jealous and wish i was there. Have sampled the delights of
BSE's top night spot Club extreme which it has to be said is extremely crap. Not
a patch on Leadmill, republic/gatecrasher 1 or even Bed for those old school
SHUXIites.

Thought i would lighten you all up by relating my worse day ever that occured on
the 26th of september. people say bad things hapeen in threes. here is my list
numbered so you can see that that statement is a load of old w*#k.

1. Trauma round lasted an hour so handover to an extra 30mins so only saw 1
patient before break. This patient nearly killed himself on the crutches cos
he wouldn't listen to what i was saying and kept lunging forward then
overbalancing. Felt like braking his other leg and putting him on bed rest until
the end of my rotation.
2. Every patient i went to see lasted 1/2hr or more cos the kept threatening to
faint or vomit on me. then narrowly avoided being weed on by an incontient
patient oh joy.
3. One patient was very scared and didn't want to be left alone on the commode
so i had to hold her hand while she had diarrhoea. (It smelled really bad but i
couldn't gag cos she was talking to me)
4. Still had eight patients to see on ward after lunch 2 of which were waiting
on me for discharge nurses kept nagging me.
5. With an hour left had to have an objectives meeting with my senior, lasted
45mins leaving me 15mins to see 3 patients and write up notes.
6. Was told by consultant to mobilise a patient with spinal fracture with a
lumbar support. Patient was horizontally challenged, support wouldn't fit. SHO
tells me to order lumbar brace then says send patient home to come back in for
brace fitting. I ask if he should be on bed rest til brace fitted SHO tells me
to mobilise patient. Patient stands ok marches on spot ok walks forward 2 steps
ok then falls on floor without warning and yells in agony. SHO comes over and i
quote "Oh, maybe he does need a brace." Want to kill SHO but am restrained. Day
can't get any worse, right?
7. Finally leave work after 5 having done notes creep back into department so no
one knows i've finished late. Managed that so thought i was home and dry.
8. Go out to sign contract for new house walop elbow on car door, couldn't feel
my fingers just want day to end.
9. Have finished with estate agent but others not Jen asks me to run back to car
to top up meter which i do. In a very trainspotting kind of way i'm sprinting
through BSE town centre, car suddenly appears out of alleyway. Grabbing hold of
lampost spin 360 degrees and narrowly miss going over bonnet of car. Car owner
shakes his fist at me and i realise that i could have ended up with a broken leg
on my own ward in bay 4 with the scary ladies who i treat.
10. Have to borrow £10 from Jen cos left wallet at home. Put change from Tesco
in my pocket or not, lost £5.
11. Get back to scanky mould infested flat don't want to cook but really hungry.
Burn my tea in the psychotic NHS accommodation incinerator that they call an
oven.
12. Get into bed at 9.30, i must be safe nothing can happen. Am trying to get to
sleep. 10.30 mum rings and tells me bank have sent a letter saying that a cheque
for my sheffield rent that i was sent bounced so i probably wouldn't have enough
to cover my new house rent BUGGER.

In part the person who said bad things come in threes was right but in my case
its multiples of three so i get quadruple the crap of every other bugger in the
world. However i can't write off the whole day 'cos my sandwiches were really
nice.




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