Firstly, just thought I'd post the Sunday Mirror article about this
lapdancer's CRAZYYYY sex with Steve...


MY CRAZY SEX WITH STEVE COOGAN

May 2 2004


By Emma Cox, TV Correspondent And Ben Todd, Showbusiness Editor


TV funnyman Steve Coogan reeled off his Alan Partridge catchphrases
as he spanked a lapdancer during a cocaine-fuelled romp.

Joanne Young and her friend Jenny Ryan joined Coogan in a hotel orgy
which sparked the collapse of his marriage to society beauty
Caroline Hickman.

And today Joanne, 22, reveals for the first time what really went on
between her and the curly-haired comedian. She told how kinky Coogan:

-Shouted catchphrases like "ahaa", "back of the net" and "cash back"
while SPANKING her.

-Had a FETISH for her knee-high boots and kissed them from top to
bottom.

-Was fascinated by her INTIMATE body piercing.

-Loved being DOMINATED by the girls.

Millionaire Coogan, famous for his cheesy DJ character Alan
Partridge, met Joanne and Jenny at a star-studded party three weeks
ago.

The comedian spotted the pair in the VIP room of the Embassy Club
after performing a charity gig at the Royal Albert Hall for the
Teenage Cancer Trust.

He later invited them back to his hotel and the trio began an all-
night drinking and sex session.

Joanne said: "Steve had taken our mobile numbers at the party and
literally minutes after we left, he called and asked if we wanted to
go back to his hotel.

"We said yes straight away because we're really big Alan Partridge
fans and thought it would be hilarious.

"We went up to his suite and ordered some vodka and the three of us
just started talking. But it quickly became sexy - he started
kissing me and Jenny and I started ordering him around, telling him
to strip.

"He did whatever we told him to do - even crawling across the floor
to kiss Jen's legs. It was hilarious. He obviously loved being
dominated.

"Then I told him to sit in a chair while I did a dance for him, but
I said he wasn't allowed to touch me or himself. He tried to touch
me a couple of times but I slapped him back and he apologised. He
was really subservient, and it gave me a bit of a buzz to be bossing
him around like that."

The night took a surreal twist when Joanne, who works at a West End
lap-dancing club, ordered Coogan to do an Alan Partridge impression.

She said: "I don't think he really likes doing Alan impressions but
I talked him into it. At one point I was ordering him to spank me in
an Alan Partridge style, so he did a little run-up with a funny walk
and smacked my bum.

WHILE he was spanking me, he was doing some of his catchphrases
like 'ahaa' and 'back of the net'. I was crying with laughter. It
was really weird but he's not that unlike Alan in real life, he's a
bit geeky too, so it felt like I was really with Alan rather than
Steve!

"I couldn't believe he was letting us take the mickey so much, but
he obviously got off on us finding him so hilarious."

The trio later moved to the bedroom where Joanne and Coogan - who
was once treated for a sex addiction - began having sex while Jenny
watched.

Joanne said: "Although he'd been really subservient beforehand, he
got very dominant once we started having sex. He threw me around
into all sorts of different positions, pinning my legs behind my
head and that sort of thing.

"It was pretty vigorous, confident sex, and he lasted a long time as
well. I can't deny that he was good and he's also a very considerate
lover. He knew how to turn me on. He was obsessed with giving me
oral sex - I think it's because I'm pierced down there and he was
fascinated with it. But he's definitely a giver.

"I think he'd have liked Jenny to get involved too but she's got a
boyfriend so she just lay on the bed next to us and watched."

Coogan, who married wife Caroline in December 2002 and has a seven-
year-old daughter from a previous relationship, went home at 7am.
The girls stayed in the hotel for another five hours and had
breakfast before checking out at 12.30pm.

Coogan, who denies having full sex with Joanne but admits the girls
were in his room, phoned her just hours later to check whether she
was OK. Then he phoned again at 1am the following morning to ask her
over to his West London home.

Joanne, who has been single since last summer, said: "I went over
and he was in bed because he didn't believe I would come. He buzzed
me in and I saw he was wearing stripey pyjamas - I couldn't believe
it. I really took the mickey out of him for it, he looked like a
little boy. We started kissing and he began to strip, but I told him
to keep his pyjamas on because they made me laugh. He made me keep
my boots on as well. He kept kissing them and feeling the heels.

"He's definitely a leg man - he was always stroking my legs and
would even kneel on the floor to kiss them. We had sex again and it
was even better this time because we weren't so drunk. I stayed for
a bit longer then went home because I didn't want to stay over in
his family home. He gave me a kiss goodbye and said he thought I was
great."

Days later the Sunday Mirror exclusively reported Coogan and
Joanne's romp - and the next day, Coogan called Joanne to say he
that he and Caroline were divorcing.

Joanne said: "He said it had been on the cards for a while. I was
horrified and said I hoped it wasn't just because of me, but he said
that was just the straw that broke the camel's back for him and
Caroline. He didn't go into details."

Later Coogan denied having sex with Joanne and alleged they had
taken cocaine. The 39-year-old said: "I'm such an idiot for doing
it. I was the village idiot. I did a few lines of cocaine.

"It is madness - getting drunk, doing drugs, then going back to a
hotel with two girls. We went up to the room and had more drinks. We
were laughing and messing about but I didn't have full sex."

But Joanne yesterday branded him a liar and said: "He asked us if we
had any cocaine but we told him we don't do drugs. Then he
disappeared to the toilet and came out with a big grin on his face.

"He was wide-eyed and really agitated after that. He couldn't stop
pacing around. I can't believe he's accusing me of taking Class A
drugs - I wouldn't be speaking out now if he hadn't done that, but
I'm just not that sort of girl.

"I don't normally have one-night stands. I've had very few sexual
partners.

"It was a great laugh and we had a good time together, but he's
ruined it now by lying about me to cover his own back. I've lost
whatever respect I had for him."











And here's an article about Baby Cow in the Times...




Animal tragic
Paul Hoggart chews the cud with Henry Normal, who, with Steve
Coogan, is making some of the darkest comedy in years




British TV Comedy has taken a dark turn of late. Just when you
thought that such shows as Human Remains and Marion and Geoff,
starring Julia Davis and/or Rob Brydon, could not sink to further
depths of existential bleakness, along came the cult triumph Nighty
Night. In it, Davis starred as Jill, a bona-fide sitcom monster who,
delighted that her husband is dying of cancer, sets out to seduce
the husband of a wheelchair-bound neighbour (a Christmas special is
being planned).
This left-turn towards the art of darkness is no accident, since one
company is in the driving seat — Baby Cow, the independent comedy
production company started by Steve Coogan and his old friend and
writing partner, Henry Normal. Their latest comedy, a pitch-black
animation called I am Not an Animal, may be the darkest of the lot.
It opens in an experimental vivisection facility, which has already
sparked complaints from the British Union Against Vivisection, and
features animals who have been genetically modified to speak and
behave like north London yuppies. The medium as well as the message
is a high-risk experiment, using unfamiliar if eye-catching
animation techniques. Audiences, though, might take more than one
episode to latch on to the humour.



As the Chinese calendar might have it, this is the Year of the Baby
Cow. The company is at the cutting edge of comedy, and Baby Cows are
bursting out all over. Not, I hasten to add, literally. Apart from
the shows already mentioned, last week brought the All Star Comedy
Show to ITV, a co-production with Reeves and Mortimer's new outfit,
Pett. Later this month, a wonderfully out-there sitcom called The
Mighty Boosh hits BBC Three. Dr Nebulous, their first Radio 4
comedy, starring Mark Gatiss of The League of Gentlemen, is due on
our airwaves soon. In the autumn, Baby Cow will produce a comedy
called Hooray for Cancer, written by the stand-up comic and former
cancer sufferer Andre Vincent. Meanwhile, Johnny Vegas is lined up
to star in a comedy about a doubtless shabby, drug-dealer.

Normal is sure that their more outlandish shows could have been made
only through an independent company, and that many have only been
possible because of the new role of BBC Three as a testing-ground
for outré ideas. The channel is "a godsend", says Normal, because
its controller, Stuart Murphy, recognises that they must take leaps
of faith and is not afraid to make mistakes. Baby Cow has certainly
helped BBC Three establish its curent reputation as the home of hip
comedy, and is fast catching up with more established comedian-owned
production companies, such as Hat Trick and Talkback.

Normal and Coogan first met 20 years ago at the Thameside Theatre in
Ashton-Under-Lyne, an amiable little satellite of Manchester. "We
used to perform in the bar to about seven people," Normal
recalls. "Lots of up-and-coming acts such as John Thomson and
Caroline Aherne used to go there." (Normal wrote The Mrs Merton Show
and The Royle Family with Aherne). "It was our little corner of the
world. Everybody mixed and got on. There was a bonding process,
which we've carried through."

They formed Baby Cow four years ago while writing the The Parole
Officer together in Brighton, when both had young children. "We
wanted to control our product and get home to see the kids," Normal
muses. "In comedy, a lot is now written and performed by the
comedians themselves. It's akin to singer-songwriters in music.
We're possibly the first generation of producers to come out of the
stand-up comedy circuit, as opposed to, say, Oxford or Cambridge. At
its best, it gives you an authentic voice that is true all the way
through. You've got the star taking the writing right the way
through the performance and into the edit. For Nighty Night Julia
sat in on the edit and we talked her through each of the shots, the
scenes and the cuts with her."

Yet it's not all touchy-feely hand-holding — Baby Cow prides itself
not only on the care lavished on the productions, but also the
ruthless editing. "We probably spend more time in the off-line than
any other company. On Nighty Night we probably chucked about 70
minutes away, including much of the last episode — which was filmed
in Steve's house in Brighton, by the way — because it was too
bleak," Normal recalls. Heaven only knows what that was like.

But the BBC's conversion is complete. Jane Root, the outgoing
controller of BBC Two, told them that she took just one meeting to
agree to commission I am Not an Animal. The show's writer, Peter
Baynham, spent a year on the project, which is animated by Tim
Searle of 2DTV using an unusual photomontage technique, though the
talking animals all have human eyes.

"Essentially, the animals are like the talking classes," Normal
explains, comparing it to Animal Farm. "They know a lot about the
media, but they don't know how to forage for food. If you put the
talking classes in the middle of a forest to fend for themselves
they wouldn't know where to start. For me the greatest equality is
for everybody to be as bad as each other," he explains obliquely,
when I ask if he is worried that the portrayal of Rambo-like animal
rights activists might cause offence. Besides, he claims, the
vivisection setting of I am Not an Animal is "just a back-drop, a
way of understanding why these animals talk".

Normal does not wish Baby Cow to be seen as just there for the nasty
things in life. The other new shows are much lighter in tone,
shooting off in different directions. The All-Star Comedy Show
attempted to reunite alternative and mainstream styles and
performers, though it has had a mixed reception. BBC Three's
forthcoming The Mighty Boosh is a show whose gently daft surrealism
harks back to The Goodies. Like many of his generation, Normal
cannot understand why the 1970s show has never been repeated, and
promises to suggest it to Stuart Murphy.

"Sometimes we're a little bit slow to realise that the current BBC
One or ITV viewer in their fifties or sixties was brought up on
Monty Python and is looking for something just as radical," says
Normal.

The trickier question is whether radical is also funny. We will know
soon enough if the latest herd of Baby Cows are raging bulls,
reliable milkers or a load of old bullocks.

I am Not an Animal begins on Monday, BBC Two, 10pm






I can't believe Steve let Mark act in his house for Nighty Night!!
And "Christ" that means Mark was down in Brighton, probably going to
all the gay clubs and I missed him!!!

And I knew about that Nebulous series wayyyy before it was
publicised!! I also know that the writer Graham Duff bought all
Mark's videos/DVDs so he was able to better write for him!! But I
can't tell you how I know cos if I did I'd have to kill you...and
everyone you know. lol!

> Anyway hope everyone's well and by everyone, I mean Ange cos no one
> else posts! "Christ."
>
> So "You people!"

LMAO! Hey babe!!!

#Here she comes to wreck the dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!# LMAO! :)

Even I've not been on in over a week! Sorry, I've been busy
masturbating! I *MEAN* studying...lol!! "Weeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrr"
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

So just had a revision session during which I thought of NOTHING but
Derren Brown and how sexy and interesting he'd be if he'd been stood
at the front of the seminar room teaching us how to have a
photographic memory for revision!! lol! "And I'll certainly remember
THAT!" lol!!!!! :) So...that was a complete waste of the tutor's time
and mine!! (and everyone else in the group...it wasn't just me and
the tutor! I'm not a scopey special needs child! Well, at least
nothing official's been proved yet. :oP)

"A system of.."
"Headslapping?"
"A system of.."
"Headslapping?"
"A SYSTEM of.."
"Headslapping?"
"...You're putting me off!!!!"
"I know."

lmfaooo! :) So I'm on here just killing time til about 4pm when I'm
meeting my mate and we're off to Manchester, or MADchester to be "mad
for IT like the Oasis." lol! I'm going to see The Barenaked Ladies!
NO, it's not the next sleazy headline about Steve's lurid sex life
("Jesus.." though to the sounds of THAT last story on Sunday! "No not
my arse, not my arse!!" lol!!!)...they're a genuine group from
Canada! And they're greeeat!

Obviously yes I could be spending my time revising but I don't think
I need to and 'I believe that'. lol!!

No I'm still illlllllll and bloody hell I've just spent an hour
PRETENDING to revise, isn't that enough for you people?!?! :) Alright
I'll go..lol!

Ohhhhhh by the way Mads, meant to say earlier - YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
How *SHIT* is Frank to have had that as the plot about a taxi driver
not knowing about a road in his local area?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
"What a prick." lol!! I keep saying that about EVERYTHING now!! And I
wanna get a job so I can be sacked so they can say 'We're gonna have
to let you go.' and I can do the Tim 'PHEW!! I thought you were gonna
fire me!" stuff! lol!! But I'll not go on about Simon Pegg...I'LL GO
ON ABOUT DERREN BROWN!!!!! lmao! No, I won't, I won't...I'll go post
on a couple of other groups and if I've STILL got time to kill after
that, I'll come back. lol!!!

"I've tried to be liked, God know's I've tried..." :)

"I better go and tell some other Russians! Ok SEE YA!!"
Loads of love,
Ange
xxx :) xxx
P.S Nothing

Well I'm at uni and boreddddddd so I thought I would post!! I'm
sitting under a big sign that says "These computers must not be used
for personal use" cos they're all editing comps you see!! But
screwwwww themmmm cos I did come on to do work but got distracted by
the words 'Internet Explorer'! So here I am! Its much better getting
to use the media comps otherwise you have to wait for ages for a
free one at the library!

So..."What's everybody doing later?...I SAID WHAT'S EVERYBODY DOING
LATER?!"

lol sorry I don't really have ANYTHING to say! "Just trying to think
of something to say..." "Well there's nothing to say!" "Well hang
on!" lol!

But oohh Shane tonight!! And after rewatching last week's episode a
few times, I am really liking it cos it IS funny! I just love the
way he says "It NEEDS to be!" about American being enormous! But I
think I'm seeing Kill Bill tonight so I'm gonna have to tape it!
Grr! "It's all...pain in the arse!" lol!

Anyway hope everyone's well and by everyone, I mean Ange cos no one
else posts! "Christ."

So "You people!"

xxxx

--- In stevecooganfans@..., "mad_bowers"
<mad_bowers@y...> wrote:
>  but I felt it was such a big
> > drawback that it was worthing mentioning twice!!! lol!
> >
>
> LMAO @ me putting worthing!! I mean WORTH obviously! Christ the
> place is warping my mind!!


I feel like Bob and his organ now!! "Just kidding, just kiddies,
just little kiddies, just kidney beans, just KIDDING!"

"When a child is born bald!"

And one of my favourites: "I wrote it instan-bull...mooo!" LOL! Its
juts the little moo he does! So sweet!

Anyway I'm gonna make like a tree and get out of here!

Mads
xxx

but I felt it was such a big
> drawback that it was worthing mentioning twice!!! lol!
>

LMAO @ me putting worthing!! I mean WORTH obviously! Christ the
place is warping my mind!!

LMAO!! Well done!! You've had a more successful day than me!! Did I
tell you that besides from having to pitch like Alan Partridge to my
tutor, that my ear started bleeding in the seminar too?! "Christ."

Anyway I can't WAIT for these four weeks now to FLY by!! So then I
can go up to all my tutors and say "I can't believe some of the SHIT
I USED TO DO WITH YOU!!!!!" LOL!!

Oh and BUY THE DAY TODAY DVD!!! You have to search for like all the
extras but finding the radio interview with Steve from 1994 is worth
it!! Apart from him saying that his first tour didn't go down well
in the South, especially Worthing cos he said there's lots of
OAPs...very true, but...AHH YA BUGGER!!!!! lol! I dunno why he
played Worthing in the first place!! "Well why'd you book the Albert
Hall, its massive!" lol!

Anyway, YES REMEMBER STEVE'S PROGRAMME ON THURSDAY!! He's gonna be
in a sketch from the Little Britain radio series, you know the one
where they all accuse that bloke of starting WWII?? So should be
good...I hope!

Oh and I know this is Frank related but...you know in Shane where
Audrey asks him to meet her at Beenhad road and he thinks its a
joke? Well an excellent plot with just TWO minor drawbacks...a)
Surely a taxi driver would know the existence of Beenhad road and
the pub on it and b) Surely a taxi driver would know it existed!!
Now I know thats the same point again, but I felt it was such a big
drawback that it was worthing mentioning twice!!! lol!

xxx







--- In stevecooganfans@..., "Angela Johnson"
<does_anybody@f...> wrote:
> It's finished." LOL!!!!!!!!!!! :OD
>
> YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY just 5 hours to write 2872
words!!!
> and I'm ill as well!!!! GET
> INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) It's like 300
words
> over the limit but ohhhhhhhhhhh well!!! Going slightly mad though
> waiting for the fucker to print out though soooooo sorry for this
> msg!!!
>
> "It don't really matter does it!"
>
> DON'T FORGET STEVE, VIC, BOB, DAVE, MATT AND ALL MANNER OF FAB
COMEDY
> PEEPS ON THURSDAY 10PM
ITV1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
>
> Loads of love...........
>
> "Sergeant Mingemunching..ton" LOL!!
> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's finished." LOL!!!!!!!!!!! :OD

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY just 5 hours to write 2872 words!!!
and I'm ill as well!!!! GET
INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) It's like 300 words
over the limit but ohhhhhhhhhhh well!!! Going slightly mad though
waiting for the fucker to print out though soooooo sorry for this
msg!!!

"It don't really matter does it!"

DON'T FORGET STEVE, VIC, BOB, DAVE, MATT AND ALL MANNER OF FAB COMEDY
PEEPS ON THURSDAY 10PM ITV1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Loads of love...........

"Sergeant Mingemunching..ton" LOL!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Comic splits from wife after lapdancers shame

TV funnyman Steve Coogan and his wife are to split,
the Sunday Mirror can reveal.

   The Alan Partridge star and society beauty Caroline
Hickman have called time on their 18-month marriage.
   The romance collapsed after the Sunday Mirror told
how Coogan, 37, spent the night with lapdancers Joanne
Young and Jenny Ryan.
   The millionaire comedian later confessed that he had
snorted cocaine and performed oral sex on Joanne, 22.
Caroline, 32, great-niece of former Roman Catholic
Archbishop of Westminster Basil Hume, told
Manchester-born Steve that she saw no future in their
five-year relationship.
    A pal said last night: "Steve has his problems, as
he has acknowledged, but there comes a time when
enough is enough."
    The break-up comes as Coogan is about to launch his
Hollywood career as the star of a remake of Around the
World in 80 Days with Jackie Chan and Arnold
Schwarzenegger.
    Months before they wed in 2002 the couple parted
briefly after he had a fling with another lapdancer.
    Last year he checked into a US clinic to combat his
drugs and drink problems. In 1996 he sought treatment
in a bid to cure an addiction to sex.
    "Steve is his own worst enemy," said a friend.
"Just when everything is going OK, he
self-destructs."
    Two weeks ago the troubled comedian, who has a 7
year old daughter, spent the night with dancers Joanne
and Jenny at The Leonard Hotel in London's Mayfair.
    He later said: "I was the village idiot. I did a
few lines of cocaine. It is madness, getting drunk,
doing drugs, going back to a hotel with two girls.
Some people can drink. I can't. It turns me into
someone else."



Just thought I'd post that seen as I'd typed it up and I'm bored and
not tired yet!! It's a bit of a shame really...but well...I never
liked Caroline so can't pretend I did and it's totally Steve's own
fault so can't even really feel sorry for him! *tisk* C'est la
vie..."COCK IT!" lol!

"Trips to the Algarve! Look at this!" lol!!

Well if I were Steve Coogan right now "I'd be hiding in a skip!
Screaming into my mobile phone 'GET ME OUT OF HERE!'" lol!

But does he HONESTLY expect us to believe that A) he didn't have FULL
sex with them? lol! And why does *that* make it better by the way?!
he was probably too coked up to the eyeballs to get it up, that's
why!!! and B) that it was all the two lapdancers fault for asking for
more cocaine and to go to the hotel?!?! I mean even if you're MEGA
pissed you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww what you're doing don't you!! U KNOW
you're married and are doin' wrong!!! So basically Steve's a ruddy
shit!

I am rather shocked he does cocaine though...is that very naive of
me? Probably!

But anyway Caroline, if you're reading, don't believe him when he
says he was just caught short! "They do it on purpose, Lynn!!" lol!!

And why's he gone to the papers to talk about it anyway?! Is it all
publicity for his new film!? Cos if it is you're a very saaaaaaaad
man Mr Coogan! But I still love u! lol!! :) "I love yer! Not in a
queer way! I just like the look of yer.." lol!

Right ok it's rather late so I'm following Mads to bed! Not
LITERALLY! "On our own!"

Byeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ange
xxx :) xxx






--- In stevecooganfans@..., "mad_bowers"
<mad_bowers@y...> wrote:
> EXCLUSIVE: 'Getting drunk, doing drugs, and going to hotels with
> girls - I'm getting treatment'
>
> Coogan: My cocaine madness
>
> By Rav and Polly
>
> TELLY funnyman STEVE COOGAN has told of his shame at cheating on
his
> wife with two lapdancers during a cocaine and booze-crazed night
> out.
>
> Alan Partridge star Steve fears for his marriage after his sordid
> escapade with beauties JOANNE YOUNG and JENNY RYAN in a hotel room.
>
> And he has vowed to get help for his drink and drug problems.
>
> In an exclusive interview, the 39-year-old comic told us: "I'm such
> an idiot for doing it. I was the village idiot.
>
> "I did a few lines of cocaine. It is madness—getting drunk, doing
> drugs, then going back to the hotel with two girls.
>
> "We went up to the room and had more drinks. We were laughing and
> messing about but I did NOT have full sex with either of them."
>
> Wife CAROLINE HICKMAN, though, will be stunned by claims from
> friends of the girls that he was caught giving Joanne oral sex.
>
> Thrilled
>
> A friend of Jenny's said: "Jenny went out of the room to call her
> boyfriend and when she returned she was shocked to find Steve naked
> and giving Joanne oral sex.
>
> "Steve was really turned on, but they didn't have full sex. It was
> just a bit of fun."
>
> Full of remorse, the curly-haired star told us: "I love my wife
> Caroline very much and she knows what happened that night.
>
> "Some people can drink. I can't. It turns me into someone else. I
> didn't fall off the wagon...I crashed into a brick wall.
>
> "For once I am glad I'm not as successful as David Beckham."
>
> Steve's night of shame occurred 11 days ago after a triumphant
> performance at the Teenage Cancer Trust charity gig at London's
> Royal Albert Hall.
>
> Joanne, 22, and Jenny, 23—who work for a lapdancing club in
> Birmingham—were among guests at a star-studded after-show bash at
> the Embassy Club.
>
> Steve recalled: "I was on such a high. The night had been a huge
> success. The show had raised a lot of money and I was thrilled I'd
> helped do this.
>
> "I celebrated by drinking at the Embassy club and I did have a few
> lines of cocaine."
>
> He said brunette Jenny and blonde Joanne wanted to get more
cocaine,
> but he came to his senses.
>
> "I felt bad that I'd taken cocaine earlier and was staying clean
> from now on," he said.
>
> "Then they decided they wanted to go to the Leonard Hotel in
central
> London. I can't believe how stupid I was.
>
> "You have to understand it was one of those things people do when
> they're p****d. I was really, really drunk.
>
> "We went up to the room and had some more drinks. We were laughing
> and messing about, but I did not have full sex with either of them.
> They started ringing around for drugs but couldn't get any.
>
> "They became quite boring because that's all they kept talking
> about, so I decided to leave."
>
> Steve's night of madness has made him realise he must sort out his
> wild partying ways.
>
> Combat
>
> The millionaire TV star revealed he attended a top clinic in
America
> last year to combat drug and booze use and has vowed to seek fresh
> counselling for his problem.
>
> A pal told us: "When you're as creative as Steve, it's easy to get
> sucked into drugs and drink. He's aware he must sort it out. He has
> received therapy for his problem in the past."
>
> Steve married hatmaker Caroline at a low-key ceremony in west
London
> in December 2002. Their romance was rocky before they tied the
knot.
>
> During a brief split he had an affair with 21-year-old lapdancer
> TERINA NEWMAN.
>
> He has a seven-year-old daughter, Clare, from his relationship with
> ex-girlfriend ANNA COLE. They broke up after she found out he'd had
> a string of affairs.
>
> This is not the first time the funnyman has confessed to taking
> cocaine. A week before winning the Perrier Award at the Edinburgh
> Festival in 1992, Steve had hospital treatment after taking the
> Class-A drug.
>
> He said: "It was the first time I'd taken it. I didn't eat much. I
> didn't sleep and my blood sugar was really low. At breakfast I
> thought I was having a heart attack.
>
> "It was the worst experience of my life. I really thought I was
> going to die."
>
>
>
> And go here for pics...
> http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/story_pages/showbiz/showbiz4.shtml
>
>
>
>
>
> Come on Steve ADMIT IT, you SHAGGED THEM!!!!!!!!! Now dump your
wife
> and come live with me! I'll show you the LOW COUNTRIES all right,
> I'll show you the NETHER REGIONS!! LOL sorry "not QUITE sure what I
> mean by that!"
>
>
> xxxx

--- In stevecooganfans@..., "mad_bowers"
<mad_bowers@y...> wrote:
> LOL! Sorry just wanted to do that really!
>
> xxx

LMAO!! U can make as many jokes about my appalling eating as u like
Mads but when I've posted this message people'll all be looking at
you thinking "you're a sad bastard who still thinks it's fashionable
to roll the sleeves up on your jacket!" :OP

EXCLUSIVE: 'Getting drunk, doing drugs, and going to hotels with
girls - I'm getting treatment'

Coogan: My cocaine madness

By Rav and Polly

TELLY funnyman STEVE COOGAN has told of his shame at cheating on his
wife with two lapdancers during a cocaine and booze-crazed night
out.

Alan Partridge star Steve fears for his marriage after his sordid
escapade with beauties JOANNE YOUNG and JENNY RYAN in a hotel room.

And he has vowed to get help for his drink and drug problems.

In an exclusive interview, the 39-year-old comic told us: "I'm such
an idiot for doing it. I was the village idiot.

"I did a few lines of cocaine. It is madness—getting drunk, doing
drugs, then going back to the hotel with two girls.

"We went up to the room and had more drinks. We were laughing and
messing about but I did NOT have full sex with either of them."

Wife CAROLINE HICKMAN, though, will be stunned by claims from
friends of the girls that he was caught giving Joanne oral sex.

Thrilled

A friend of Jenny's said: "Jenny went out of the room to call her
boyfriend and when she returned she was shocked to find Steve naked
and giving Joanne oral sex.

"Steve was really turned on, but they didn't have full sex. It was
just a bit of fun."

Full of remorse, the curly-haired star told us: "I love my wife
Caroline very much and she knows what happened that night.

"Some people can drink. I can't. It turns me into someone else. I
didn't fall off the wagon...I crashed into a brick wall.

"For once I am glad I'm not as successful as David Beckham."

Steve's night of shame occurred 11 days ago after a triumphant
performance at the Teenage Cancer Trust charity gig at London's
Royal Albert Hall.

Joanne, 22, and Jenny, 23—who work for a lapdancing club in
Birmingham—were among guests at a star-studded after-show bash at
the Embassy Club.

Steve recalled: "I was on such a high. The night had been a huge
success. The show had raised a lot of money and I was thrilled I'd
helped do this.

"I celebrated by drinking at the Embassy club and I did have a few
lines of cocaine."

He said brunette Jenny and blonde Joanne wanted to get more cocaine,
but he came to his senses.

"I felt bad that I'd taken cocaine earlier and was staying clean
from now on," he said.

"Then they decided they wanted to go to the Leonard Hotel in central
London. I can't believe how stupid I was.

"You have to understand it was one of those things people do when
they're p****d. I was really, really drunk.

"We went up to the room and had some more drinks. We were laughing
and messing about, but I did not have full sex with either of them.
They started ringing around for drugs but couldn't get any.

"They became quite boring because that's all they kept talking
about, so I decided to leave."

Steve's night of madness has made him realise he must sort out his
wild partying ways.

Combat

The millionaire TV star revealed he attended a top clinic in America
last year to combat drug and booze use and has vowed to seek fresh
counselling for his problem.

A pal told us: "When you're as creative as Steve, it's easy to get
sucked into drugs and drink. He's aware he must sort it out. He has
received therapy for his problem in the past."

Steve married hatmaker Caroline at a low-key ceremony in west London
in December 2002. Their romance was rocky before they tied the knot.

During a brief split he had an affair with 21-year-old lapdancer
TERINA NEWMAN.

He has a seven-year-old daughter, Clare, from his relationship with
ex-girlfriend ANNA COLE. They broke up after she found out he'd had
a string of affairs.

This is not the first time the funnyman has confessed to taking
cocaine. A week before winning the Perrier Award at the Edinburgh
Festival in 1992, Steve had hospital treatment after taking the
Class-A drug.

He said: "It was the first time I'd taken it. I didn't eat much. I
didn't sleep and my blood sugar was really low. At breakfast I
thought I was having a heart attack.

"It was the worst experience of my life. I really thought I was
going to die."



And go here for pics...
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/story_pages/showbiz/showbiz4.shtml





Come on Steve ADMIT IT, you SHAGGED THEM!!!!!!!!! Now dump your wife
and come live with me! I'll show you the LOW COUNTRIES all right,
I'll show you the NETHER REGIONS!! LOL sorry "not QUITE sure what I
mean by that!"


xxxx

LOL! Sorry just wanted to do that really!

xxx

Ok I'm at the moment watching a short foreign film on Channel Four,
debating whether or not I should send you any toast...WELL I JUST
CAN'T!!!!!! YOURS IS TOO GOOD COMPARED TO THE *SHIT* I'VE JUST
RUSHED IN THE LAST HALF AN HOUR TO GET TO THE ACTUAL PLOT!! I mean
seriously your toast is FANTASTIC...and people say you're just a big
pair of TITS! lol!


Oh and Ste, where are you?! Read our messages and shit your pants
did you? CRY did you?! "Quite the opposite actually." "What you
sucked water in through your eyes?" lol!


xxxxx

>
> LMAOOOOOO!! Yeah just to make it clear, we didn't do anything!! "No
> but he wanted toooooooo!!" LOL!
>

LOL! Yeah absolutely nothing happened! While you were awake anyway,
Mads..."Do you know I've found a cure for snoring.." lol! ;OD
"Very rarely did she do oral sex for me...she had to be fast asleep."

*Stop quoting Frank - move on* :) "Rats - move on!"

  >
> WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH IT WAS BRILLIANT BABE!!! And I would send you
> mine but it is RUBBISH!! So don't you dare try and get me to send
it
> to you coz I'LL decide when my toast gets sent! Coz you never know
I
> could wake up tomorrow and say 'Madeleine, do you want to send Ange
> your toast today?' 'Yeah ok, Madeleine!'...They're both me, that's
> not me in bed with someone called Madeleine...


OK MADS *WHO* IS THE BOSS OF YOU?!?!?!?!?!?! *ME!* lol!! Now march to
your email box and get that toast tattooed on my hip!!
lol!!!!!! "Spatula...flapjack...no it doesn't work does it." lol! :)
But come on, I drank mine! It's not fair!!!! :OP Send it
nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :)
Please :)

As for anyone else reading and wondering what we're on about...What
are you fuckin' looking at?!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

>
> Wellllllllllllllllll it's the last time you're getting any
> cunnilingus from me, Miss!!!!!!!!
>
> LMAO!!! I'm joking by the way - we didn't! "Just tops"
> lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> "Oh God."




LMAOOOOOO!! Yeah just to make it clear, we didn't do anything!! "No
but he wanted toooooooo!!" LOL!



>
> *senses Mads accusatory stare and tapping of her watch*
>
> I'm doin' it, I'm doin it! No really I am, I just popped on here
to
> procrastinate a little first! :OP





WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH IT WAS BRILLIANT BABE!!! And I would send you
mine but it is RUBBISH!! So don't you dare try and get me to send it
to you coz I'LL decide when my toast gets sent! Coz you never know I
could wake up tomorrow and say 'Madeleine, do you want to send Ange
your toast today?' 'Yeah ok, Madeleine!'...They're both me, that's
not me in bed with someone called Madeleine...

--- In stevecooganfans@..., "mad_bowers"
<mad_bowers@y...> wrote:
> Seeing as I'm the ONLY person to post on here, I'm gonna say what I
> like!!
>
> Well...Ange can't eat without dribbling sauce and juice all down
> herself!! So imagine what her cunnilingus is like!!!!!!!! "Doesn't
> bear thinking about!"
>
> And...and..."You make pigs smoke." lol!

Wellllllllllllllllll it's the last time you're getting any
cunnilingus from me, Miss!!!!!!!!

LMAO!!! I'm joking by the way - we didn't! "Just tops"
lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh God."

*ANYWAY* Well Mads is quite the WORST...er...oh "who am I kidding,
you're the best room mate ever!" :OP

And it's not my fault if food just JUMPS out the plate on to my
top!! :( God how embarrassing was it when that waiter came over and
was like 'Would you like a napkin?' when he clearly meant 'Do you
want a fuckin' bib?' lol!! Well SCREWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW HIM I didn't
leave a tip!

*senses Mads accusatory stare and tapping of her watch*

I'm doin' it, I'm doin it! No really I am, I just popped on here to
procrastinate a little first! :OP
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
P.S WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH DERREN!!

Seeing as I'm the ONLY person to post on here, I'm gonna say what I
like!!

Well...Ange can't eat without dribbling sauce and juice all down
herself!! So imagine what her cunnilingus is like!!!!!!!! "Doesn't
bear thinking about!"

And...and..."You make pigs smoke." lol!

The Esquire Interview
Interview by Amy Raphael
Photographs by Amelie Troubridge


Steve Coogan is standing in his underpants in a caravan somewhere
outside Manchester. The last time I saw him in his Calvin Kleins was
in Cambridge in 1993. He was staggering around a small, cold room,
swearing as he struggled into a corset, a 34B bra and a pair of
tights. Twenty minutes later, Pauline Calf was strutting on stage in
a slutty dress, white stilettos and a blond wig. It's the middle of
October last year and, back in the caravan, Coogan has slipped into
some Armani jeans, a nice jumper and Camper shoes. His hair is cut
short, his curls are almost gone and he is wearing glasses. He's
skinnier than he used to be. This, he explains, is because he is
currently starring in a film in which he is supposed to have some
appeal as a romantic lead. "I've been seeing a personal trainer for
The Parole Officer he says, reaching for his cigarettes. "I was
eating only grilled fish and steamed vegetables until I'd done my
vest-and-underpants scene. Then I started to eat tubs of ice cream."
He makes two mugs of Earl Grey tea and sits down. "I don't have a
problem with wandering around the set in my underpants. I've shown
my arse on several occasions on screen, both as Paul Calf and Alan
Partridge. I'm prepared to make my self look an arse, to humiliate
myself." He drags hard on his cigarette. "When I used to do Pauline
Calf, I had to shave my legs and arms twice before going on stage.
As Paul Calf, I've worn horrible nylon paisley Y-fronts. I looked
awful then, too; so flabby and white." He smiles. "That's when being
funny mattered more to me than being vain."

It's been a long time - four years, in fact - since Steve Coogan
made the last series of I'm Alan Partridge. So long, in fact, that
he is worried that people may think he's become a taxi-driver or is
running a bed-and-breakfast in Eastbourne. Yet, while he's been
away, he hasn't stopped working: 2001 is the year of Coogan's
comeback. In 1998, he went on tour with The Man Who Thinks He's It
and broke box-office records for comedy when the show ran for three
months at the Lyceum in London's Covent Garden. The following year
he moved to Brighton. Born and raised in Manchester, he never really
felt part of London. Brighton had its own identity, was close enough
to London for work, his ex-partner had recently moved down with
their daughter, and his old friend Henry Normal had been living
there for five years. Normal, who Coogan knew from his early stand-
up days in Manchester in the late Eighties, was a co-writer on the
first series of The Royle Family. Before the second series, he had
to make a choice: continue working with Caroline Aherne on a series
he loved or write a film script with Steve Coogan. He chose the
latter, and set up a production com pany in Brighton with Coogan
called Baby Cow (in memory of Paul and Pauline). Coogan and Normal
spent most of 1999 developing Marion and Geoff and Human Remains
with Rob Brydon and Julia Davis - both of which were to become cult
viewing on BBC2 - while at the same time writing the script of The
Parole Officer. It was a tough process; although the first series of
I'm Alan Partridge took three people nine months to complete, it was
different writing a film script. Coogan had less control than he was
used to; he had to learn not to be precious about his material. He
was so relieved when it came to the actual filming of The Parole
Officer because "acting felt like a holiday for me; I had to let
go." He had no choice but to trust Australian director John Duigan
(Lawn Dogs and Sirens) and producers Duncan Kenworthy (Netting Hill)
and Andrew Macdonald (Trainspotiing). The Parole Officer, released
in September, is Coogan's first major part in a feature film. It is
also the first time he will appear looking like himself, without a
wig or Pringle jumper to hide behind. This disconcerts him a
little. "I've condemned myself to a career of wearing wigs - I quite
like transforming myself. I'm not entirely comfortable being myself
in The Parole Officer" So his other projects all involve dressing up
of one sort or another. In the autumn, he will appear on television
in Seventies costume for a new series, Dr Terrible's House of
Horrible, a camp spoof of Hammer House of Horror. There's another
film, 24 Hour Party People, in which he stars as Tony Wilson, the
mave- rick who ran Factory Records and the Hacienda nightclub. And
then, at the start of 2002, Coogan's greatest comedy creation will
finally be back. Ten years after his first appearance, Alan
Partridge will return to the BBC.

It is almost the end of the eight-week Parole Officer shoot.
Tomorrow night there's a go-karting trip planned for cast and crew -
all except Coogan, who can't get the insurance. Nothing to do with
his love of fast cars, it's just that he's got so many projects
planned, he's now too valuable a commodity to have racing round a
warehouse in Manchester. Tonight, Coogan wants to go out for a meal.
There are so many new restaurants in Manchester, he is spoilt for
choice. Eventually he decides on the Reform, a red-velvet-and-fake-
zebra-skin place where Man Utd players come to be seen. The table is
booked for 9.30pm but, exhausted, he falls asleep in his rented
apartment and doesn't turn up till lOpm. He can't stop apologising.
There are no footballers in tonight, just a table of four gay
skinheads and a few businessmen with blonde trophy girlfriends.
Coogan is only drinking on Fridays and today is Thursday, but it's
his birthday on Saturday (35, though he keeps forgetting and
thinking he's 25), so he orders a bottle of Australian white wine.
He chats about The Parole Officer, says it was amazing working with
Omar Sharif and Jenny Agutter, both of whom performed cameo
roles. "Omar was a great storyteller and Jenny... she was something
else," he gushes, trying to light a cigarette from the huge stone
candleholder. He can barely drag it across the table and ends up
contorting his body to reach the flame. Naturally, he is anxious
that The Parole Officer, a gentle comedy in which he plays Simon
Garden, a hopeless probation officer who is framed for murder, is
successful — "in any way, commercially or critically". He talks with
pride about his action scenes, explains how he had to jump off a
building backwards and teeter along a high ledge. Is he trying to
say that he's not only the romantic interest but also an all-action
hero? He looks sheepish: "Yes." The food arrives - for him, a plate
of meat with some French beans on the side - and he is serious for a
moment. "Most people would like me to have done a film in which I
dress up, do lots of different characters and do daft things. But I
didn't want to do that. I would rather not work than take on a pro-
ject I'm not completely sure of. I like taking a risk, whether it
pays off or not. We didn't want to churn out loads of Partridges,
even though the demand was there. It's only now that we're ready to
think about a new series." Alan Partridge started life in 1992 on
Radio 4's On The Hour, a visionary send-up of news programmes.
Producer Armando lannucci asked Coogan if he could do a suitable
voice for a sports reporter. "Not an impression of anyone in
particular, but like every sports reporter you've ever heard,"
recalls lannucci. "He just opened his mouth and this voice came out.
Steve became Alan." Coogan has always been a brilliant impres-
sionist. One of six kids growing up in a Catholic household in a
Manchester suburb, he has entertained his family for as long as he
can remember, doing voices or reciting tracts of Monty Python. While
studying drama at Manchester Polytechnic, he was already doing
voices for Spitting Image - Neil Kinnock and John Major were
favourites. At 22, in his third year, he appeared at the London
Palladium with Jimmy Tarbuck, but then instinctively rejected light
enter- tainment as a career because it was "cheesy". John Thomson,
of The Fast Show and Cold Feet, was two years below Coogan at drama
college. He remembers hearing about this bloke who did impressions.
The first night they met, they got drunk and stoned and sat around
trying to outdo one another's imper- sonations. Thomson also worked
on Spitting Image. "My God, it was tough. Steve was already there,
so what was left for me? I ended up doing talking doors. It was soul-
  destroying," he says, in mock horror. Coogan and Thomson did stand-
up at a theatre in Ashton in Manchester (Henry Normal, Frank Skinner
and, later, Caroline Aherne used to perform there too) and then
decided to write a show for the Edinburgh Festival together.
Simultaneously, Coogan was doing On The Hour, where he was the sole
non-Oxford graduate. There he not only met lannucci but also Patrick
Marber, who directed the 1992 Edinburgh show. In 1990, I had seen
Coogan perform in Edinburgh with Frank Skinner supporting and had
barely noticed Coogan. He was determined to return with a "fucking
hot show", as he puts it.

Two years later, in a tiny, sweaty room, he put on an amazing per-
formance with John Thomson: Paul Calf and Fat Bob as antisocial
lager louts and Alan Partridge as the Daily Mail reader from Hell.
They won the Perrier Award. Patrick Marber encouraged Coogan to
flesh out the Alan Partridge character and, following his appearance
on The Day Today (the TV version of On The Hour), to go for his own
chat show. Knowing Me, Knowing You was the result. Debuting in 1994,
it featured Partridge trying to humiliate guests but succeeding only
in humiliating himself. Then, just as "On that bombshell" and "Ah-
ha" were becoming part of the language, Partridge was sacked by the
BBC for assault- ing an executive with a turkey on air. Next, his
wife kicked him out, he moved into a Travel Tavern off the A12 and
started to work the graveyard shift for Radio Norwich. I'm Alan
Partridge, the account of these hard times, is as timeless and as
endlessly funny a comedy as Fawlty Towers. Remember Alan's Ford
Mondeo, his driving gloves, his flaky skin and fungal foot powder?
The 12 in dinner plate he takes to the hotel buffet to replace the 5
in plate provided? The homoerotic lapdancing fantasy scene in which
he sports a leather thong? The series, written with Armando lannucci
and Peter Baynharn after Marber decided to concentrate on writing
for the theatre, won two BAFTAs and three British Comedy Awards.
Marber says that Partridge is Coogan's most successful creation
because he is "the character most like Steve". Henry Normal
concurs: "Comedy can be cathartic, so we all exorcise our demons:
Alan Partridge is not purely fictional."

Steve Coogan finishes eating and asks for a box of matches. He
inhales hard and lets the smoke out in short, sharp puffs, as though
he's trying to blow smoke rings but failing. I ask if he has missed
Partridge. He smiles. "I literally got sick of him at the end of the
last series. Imagine being locked in a room with Alan Partridge for
the best part of a year, which is what happens when Armando, Peter
and I are writing the show. By the end, I started to talk like him
all the time." How will Partridge have changed in the past four
years? "I've been thinking about that. Sometimes when I'm in a
restaurant, ordering or complaining, I think about Alan. Because
there's a bit of me in Alan. I had the idea of him saying things
like 'Don't go there' or 'Enough already', phrases from Friends. We
want him to be a bit more trendy. He thinks that if he uses those
phrases, he will ingratiate himself with people." Alan Partridge is
one of the most successful comic creations of the past 10
years. "Yeah, I suppose it is," says Coogan, playing with a
spoon. "It always appears in lists of Top 100 television
programmes... Oh! Galton and Simpson, who wrote Tony Hancock, told
me it was as good as anything they ever wrote. Which was very nice
of them." He sniggers, a self-conscious, high-pitched, girly
giggle. "And I think they're right." He asks for the bill. "In some
ways, I've made a rod for my back with Partridge; everything will be
measured in his shadow now. As well as being creative, you have to
think of your career in a professional way; you've got to be careful
not to give ammunition to your critics by doing something sub-
standard. That's why I'm doing different things now, producing as
well as writing and acting." He drinks the last of the wine. "I
don't want to be someone who desperately clings on to his celebrity,
his Fingernails dragging down the blackboard of show business. I
think you have to move on before other people move you on."

Back to his rented flat for coffee, where there are pictures of his
four-year-old daughter, Clare, and his girlfriend, Caroline, pushed
into the side of the mirror in the living room. Coogan isn't in the
mood to talk about his personal life tonight; he wants to watch the
video of Human Remains, yet to be shown on TV at the time. He sits
on the sofa, starts the video and stares at the TV. "I love Rob
Brydon and Julia Davis," he says. After years of living in the South
East, his Manchester accent is less pronounced than it used to be,
and at times he lapses into an actorly voice, but his enthu siasm is
childishly genuine. He watches Human Remains with a straight face,
then suddenly bursts out laughing very loudly and stands up. When he
stops laughing, he looks a little embarrassed and sits back down
again. This happens throughout. We watch an episode of Marion and
Geoff. "I'm so proud of being a producer," says Coogan, rather
unnecessarily. Sometimes I ask a question and he doesn't reply for
more than a minute, as if he has drifted out of the conversation.
Henry Normal says he does this all the time. "You can be talking to
him and he'll be off inventing worlds somewhere in his brain. He
wants to build his own worlds." At 1 am, Steve Coogan decides to
listen to some Manchester music, to choose a soundtrack for The
Parole Officer. He plays Happy Mondays, The Stone Roses and The
Smiths. "Morrissey was a songwriting genius," he says, dancing round
the living room like a student to "Reel Around the Fountain". When
the album finishes, he says, "I'm a bit drunk. I'd better go to
bed."

The Esquire Interview - Part 2
Interview by Amy Raphael
Photographs by Amelie Troubridge


In the New Year, Steve Coogan invites me to his home in Brighton. It
is a stormy night and the wind is lashing around the house. We sit
in the kitchen drinking red wine. Coogan keeps yawning. He has just
returned from India with his girifriend and his daughter. He is
still jet-lagged, but is in high spirits all the same. The following
week, he will start filming 24 Hour Party People in Manchester. As
we talk, Coogan's dog, a young terrier, desperately tries to attract
his attention. Dave the dog has recently been trained - Coogan once
left his dinner on the table, went to answer the phone and came back
a few minutes later to find his plate had been licked clean. "I
thought that perhaps I hadn't taken the pasta out of the pan... but
Dave had eaten it all, every last bit. So it was off to boot camp."
Now, whenever Dave misbehaves, Coogan has to bang a tin can filled
with pebbles. Dave tries to eat his shoelaces; Coogan bangs the tin
on the table. When Dave looks up at his master with big, imploring
eyes, Coogan laughs. "It's a technique I've tried many times," he
says. He talks about how much he misses Brighton when he's
away. "Brighton is as close as I come to spirituality. I've adopted
it as my city, I've formed my company here —I have not based my
company in London. I'm actually proud of that. You hear all these
politicians and media people saying how they're going to
decentralise things, but it's all rhetoric. I feel a bit smug living
here, like I'm the member of a special club." Does he hang out with
Norman and Zoe? "No, I don't. But I do know them -1 went to their
wedding. They're round the corner, but I've yet to drop in for a cup
of sugar. I don't want to feel as though I'm saying, 'Hey, I'm a
celebrity too, let's hang out.' I don't keep in touch with a lot of
friends. I like to keep my self to myself. I like company as
well..." He laughs his high-pitched, infectious, girly giggle. "I'm
a bit confused, actually." Dave tries to jump on to his lap. Coogan
bangs the tin, then smiles at him. "Don't worry, dogs are incredibly
stupid, he won't think I'm smiling, he'll think I'm baring my
teeth... I used to know Zoe when she lived in Manchester. She used
to share a flat with John Thomson. They were part of the scene,
along- side Caroline Aherne and Henry Normal. They were fun days. We
had a great time." He tries to light a cigarette but it's soaked in
red wine. "I still bump into Caroline now and again. When we were
all living in Manchester, I used to think, 'Who can I go for a drink
with? Who will make me cry with laughter?' Every time, I'd phone
Caroline. She'd just take the piss out of me. She's really, really
funny." He says The Royle Family is "leagues ahead" of anything else
on television, but squirms when I ask what he thinks of Cold
Feet. "It's not my cup of tea, but it's very good for what it is.
It's good, accessible comedy drama, but... I'm not a snob, I like
accessible stuff, but I like doing stuff that's got a bit of an edge
to it. Not so edgy that only five people watch it; I hate people who
think they're part of some exclusive comedy club." He likes The
League of Gentlemen, Trigger Happy TV, Paul Whitehouse and Ali G.
But he is not keen on The II O'Clock Show. "I hate it. No, I don't
just hate it, it makes me angry. It looks like a load of students
trying to do The Day Today. That makes me sound like an old fart,
but I don't generally slag off programmes. The 11 O'Clock Show is
appalling television, badly misjudged comedy and frankly shabby
writing." Dave is just playing with a bit of rope, but Coogan bangs
the tin on the table. He starts shouting. "It's trying to be edgy
with a cruel streak, but it doesn't work; when Chris Morris takes
the same approach, it works. I've worked with him on The Day Today,
he's made a guest appearance on I'm Alan Partridge. He's genuinely
avant-garde." Steve Coogan stops, exhausted. "I don't want to sound
negative. There is a lot of comedy on TV today that I admire. I
quite like Rory Bremner. I sat there the other day watching him do
Blair and Clinton and it was hilarious. I was giddy watching it.
When I started out, I could have gone all out for Steve Coogan:
Impressionist. I used to do them all the time. People always used to
ask me at parties and I used to refuse - I was sick of always doing
them... I'm starving. Let's go and eat."

The restaurant is only down the road, but Coogan decides to drive
there in his gun-metal grey Ferrari. He manages to park right
outside the Italian restaurant and, although it is past 10.30 pm,
past last orders, they agree to serve us. Perhaps because it's his
local, perhaps because he's Steve Coogan, perhaps because he drives
a Ferrari. We have to order quickly. Coogan spends ages deciding
what to eat, keeps apologising to the waitress, chooses the pasta of
the day and then looks at the wine list. "Red or white? I know!
Let's have champagne!" He points out his choice to the waitress. A
bottle of Dom Perignon arrives. He drinks a glass very quickly and
then pulls a face. "I forgot I'm driving. I can't drink any more.
Shit. Oh well." Coogan eats a big bowl of pasta and chats some more
about living in Brighton. He is hardly ever recognised, but then he
doesn't wander around wearing an Alan Partridge wig. "I don't get
spotted in London, either. I travel on the tube all the time. I can
get the tube at rush hour and people don't bother me. I suppose I've
learnt to avoid eye contact." He starts giggling. "But I could get
myself recognised if I wanted to by sitting there and going 'Ah-ha'
really loudly." After dinner, I ask if he will drive along the
seafront in his Ferrari. We get stuck almost immediately behind a
Porsche. I urge him to overtake. "No! It's not the right
etiquette... Anyway, he might want to race me." What of his
reputation as a fast-car- driving love rat? Back in the Nineties, he
certainly had a reputation for sleeping with great numbers of women.
He laughs. "I was like a kid in a candy shop. But at the end of the
day, you wake up with yourself." He tries to change the subject by
demonstrating an emergency stop. There was a story in the News Of
The World four or five years ago in which a dancer described how she
had slept with Coogan. Apparently, he covered the bed in five
grand's worth of Eio notes before having sex with her. He
sighs. "First of all, the event did take place. But, without going
into too much detail... sometimes when you're ironic, it doesn't
always translate. I did chuck a load of notes on the bed and
went 'Ha ha'. I happened to have some cash and I thought, 'This is
what you do when you're famous.' It was me being crassly ironic in a
postmodern way." He giggles and lapses into Alan Partridge. "The
person didn't quite read it that way." What about the story one
comedian told me, in which you said very bluntly that your expensive
sports car had "more than paid for itself in twat"? Coogan shakes
his head. "Not true. I remember talking to someone — Frank Skinner
or Bob Mortimer, perhaps — and saying I had a very nice car which
was a 'first-class fanny magnet'." What sort of car was it? "It was
only an MX5 but" - and here he becomes Partridge again - "it did
have a tweaked engine, so it was quite fast." We pull into his
drive. "I idn't call it a fanny magnet in a serious way. I jest
often. I say things like that all the time." He sighs. "I don't
spend all day being ironic, but cloaking things in an ironic veneer
does get me through the day." We get out and he puts his hand on the
Ferrari's engine. He looks disappointed. "Not very hot. We obviously
didn't go fast enough."

Steve Coogan lies in his living room on his huge sofa watching his
big-screen Bang & Olufsen television. The jet lag is catching up
with him. He tries to explain that he is a different person now,
with a long- term girifriend and the responsibility of a young
daughter. He has given up caring about rumours. "I will live with
the repu- tation of being a shagger till I'm well into my sixties,"
he says. Perhaps Steve Coogan has finally grown up. He has always
taken his work incredibly seriously, but now he seems to take his
personal life seriously too. Those who have known him for almost two
decades certainly seem to think so. John Thomson says he is "a lot
calmer. I think being a dad has helped. Yeah, he's a lot more
mature. But not in a bad way. I saw him recently for the first time
in two years and he still had to have a dig didn't he? About my
weight. Pucker." Henry Normal agrees. "He's matured while remaining
a maverick, which few peo- ple manage to do. I've settled down and
now I drive a VW Polo; Steve's always kept an edge, which shows
through in his work." Coogan lies on the sofa drinking strong tea
and watching Robot Wars, imagining what would happen if Paul Calf
were to enter the competition. "People like to think that anyone
who's got any kind of talent must be fucked-up inside, because
otherwise it's too depressing. There's got to be a price to pay for
being good at something." He turns down the volume on the
television. "I hate to annoy people, but I'm not really fucked- up.
I have a reasonably normal life. When I have a day off in Brighton,
I sit in a cafe and read the papers. I see my daughter, spend time
with my girlfriend, walk the dog, potter around the house." He
lights a cigarette. "Why am I smoking so much? But I'm being
serious, you know. My lifestyle has changed. I'm a lot happier now.
Running a production company has been very good for me. I have to be
sensible now." He laughs. "I'm even going to sell my Ferrari soon."
And trade it in for a Ford Mondeo? "No! I'm going to buy another
Porsche." He lies on the huge sofa, and dissolves into his
highpitched, infectious, girly giggle.

Yeah don't start worrying about Steve!! You're right, if he doesn't
like it then "don't do it."!!

But waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh I was waiting for this day to come!! I
knew that something had to happen with their marriage, either Steve
would cheat or Caroline would get pregnant and I'm SO GLAD its the
former!!

But when I told my mum in excitement on Sunday night shouting "STEVE
COOGAN HAS SLEPT WITH TWO LAPDANCERS!!!!" she just looked at me like
I was warped and walked out my room!! LOL!

OMG they HAVE to split up now right?! Ok so there is a TEENY TINY
possibility that the papers have got it wrong, and I never usually
believe anything I read in them but...COME ON, the evidence is
pretty overwhelming!! And I've since noticed that in the pics of
Steve and Caroline at the Shaun of the Dead premiere, SHE is hugging
HIM which suggests he isn't keen and in fact HATES her!! Ok I know
what you're thinking...when did I become such a body language
expert...well I just AM! So Steve break up with her and tell her
to "GET OUT!!!!" lol! I don't want that BITCH in my city no longer!!

So THAT said, hope everyone is ok! And by everyone, I mean the
people who have bothered to read this message...which is probably
just me when I read it back to myself!...Sorry I'm not mad, I'm just
mad for IT like The Oasis...lol!

xxxx

LOL MADS!!! :OD But yes Steve come on get rid...that's of course if
she doesn't get rid of him now! But although a huge part of me is
rejoicing at this news, I'm also hoping Steve's ok cos God it must be
so shitty to have this kinda stuff across the front page of the
tabloids mustn't it!! But then again if he doesn't like it
then "don't do it." lol!
I wonder if during he was like "That's a very nice action...but I've
got one!" lol!!!
He should've rung up the Mirror and People and said "Do you want to
wave the sleasy news story for Comic Relief? You sure? Ahh ya
bugger!"
LOL!!!!!

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyy I'm off out now but.....WOOHOO!!! :) But I do hope
he's alright though...oh no sod him, he's off to Hollywood and
leaving us!! SCREW YOUUUUUUU STEVE!!! "Oh Julian look at my trousers
I made them out of an old sack!" BAG O'SHITE!!!! I mean I didn't
think he was SERIOUS about being a kind of alternative to Hugh Grant!
I didn't think he'd go the whole hog and sleep with prossies to prove
it!! Yeah I know they were lapdancers but strippers, prossies -
whatever!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

God I hope this is true...



From The Sunday Mirror...


KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU TWO

Apr 4 2004


EXCLUSIVE

By Ben Todd, Showbiz Editor And Susie Boniface


MARRIED funnyman Steve Coogan spent the night with two lap dancers
at a top London hotel.

The curly-haired comic - TV's obnoxious Alan Partridge -- then
sneaked out of the hotel early the next day and headed back to his
wife Caroline Hickman.

Millionaire Coogan, 39, met the stunning girls - Joanne Young and
Jenny Ryan - at a star-studded party after performing a charity gig
at the Royal Albert Hall for the Teenage Cancer Trust last Wednesday
night.

He spent hours chatting and flirting with the pair before secretly
arranging to meet them at his plush £180-a night room at The Leonard
Hotel in Mayfair.

Blonde Joanne - a lap dancer at Stringfellows - and her pal Jenny
took a cab separately and met in the bar of the hotel at 4am.

Coogan, who was once treated for sex addiction, left the hotel at
7am in the morning with a smile on his face.

The girls finally emerged looking tired at 12.30pm.

An onlooker said: "Coogan looked like a naughty schoolboy when he
sneaked out of the hotel.

"He had a big sheepish grin on his face. It was pretty obvious he
didn't want anyone to see him leave, though. He was constantly
looking over his shoulder as he raced to his car.

"His chauffeur then sped off very quickly."

Earlier Coogan couldn't keep away from the girls at the charity
after-show party at London's Embassy Club

The star, who is starring as Phileas Fogg opposite Jackie Chan in
the upcoming Hollywood remake of Around The World In 80 Days,
quickly made a bee-line for Joanne when he spotted her in the VIP
section.

They were later joined by Jenny who was dressed in a sexy red frock.
Coogan chatted on and off to the pair for two hours.

He couldn't take his eyes off Joanne's tanned legs, set off by her
revealing black mini dress.

The lap dancer giggled as he whispered into her ear while she
snuggled up to him on a sofa in a dark corner in the club.

Coogan left her briefly to mingle with celebrity pals, including
Little Britain star David Walliams and his model girlfriend Lisa
Snowden.

But he quickly re-joined Joanne. The pair headed downstairs to the
toilets where they spoke privately for 10 minutes.

An onlooker said: "Steve was paying Jo a lot of attention. She made
it clear that she was very attracted to him.

"She was smiling and giggling and touching his arm constantly. There
was a strong chemistry between them.

"But they didn't do anything in the club. Steve looked very
flattered by all the attention she was giving him. And who wouldn't
be? She's a stunning woman with a body to die for." The pair headed
back to the VIP room and Joanne later rejoined her brunette pal
while Coogan chatted to other guests, including Jodie Marsh,
Catalina Guirado and Blue's Antony Costa.

While he knocked back drinks, Joanne was overheard drunkenly telling
Jenny that she "didn't want to go home" and wanted to "carry on
partying with Steve".

The onlooker said: "Joanne kept on looking over at Coogan and was
overheard saying to her friend that she had no intention of going
home. She then went over to Coogan." A car was arranged to take the
girls to the hotel. Coogan left separately and joined them around
4am. He finally left the hotel three hours later looking dishevelled.

Hours after her night with Coogan Jenny caught a train to Leeds
where she was met by her boyfriend Matthew Haycox,who owns a lap
dancing club. He drove her away in his BMW convertible.

Publicity-shy Coogan married his on-off girlfriend Caroline at a low-
key ceremony in West London in December 2002.

Their romance had been rocky before they tied the knot. They
temporarily split up eight months before the wedding just weeks
after It girl Caroline, 32, quit the London social scene to set up
home with Coogan in Brighton.

Caroline, great niece of the former Roman Catholic Archbishop of
Westminster Cardinal Basil Hume, said at the time: "I don't care
what Steve gets up to because we've been finished for some time now.
We're still great friends and whatever he does is none of my
business." Coogan consoled himself with drink, parties and girls
during his time away from Caroline.

He had an affair with 21-year-old lap dancer Terina Newman but got
back together with hatmaker Caroline three months later.

Coogan has a seven-year-old daughter, Clare, from his relationship
with former girlfriend Anna Cole. They split up after she found out
he'd had a string of affairs.

Coogan worked with a psychotherapist priest to help him overcome his
sex addiction in a desperate bid to win Anna back. The comic was
linked to funnyman Vic Reeves' wife - another former lap dancer,
Nancy Sorrell - before falling for Caroline.

Coogan revealed Caroline made him wait a week before she finally
said yes to his proposal. He said: "It was agonising. There were a
lot of negotiations during that time. It was touch-and-go at one
stage I thought it would never happen. I really didn't think she was
going to say yes. I was gobsmacked when she did. It's the best thing
I've ever done."

Yesterday Joanne, speaking at her basement flat in Kentish Town,
North London refused to discuss Wednesday night.

Asked if she spent the night with Coogan, she said: "I don't think
so. I've got a boyfriend."

Last night Coogan's spokeswoman Kate Lee refused to comment and
claimed she couldn't contact the comic.


From The People newspaper...



I'M ALAN TARTRIDGE

Apr 4 2004


Funnyman Steve invites TWO lapdancers back to his posh hotel during
night on the town while wife is at home

By Debbie Manley


MARRIED funnyman Steve Coogan secretly spent the night with TWO
lapdancers at a top hotel last week, The People can reveal.

The curly-haired comic - TV's obnoxious Alan Partridge - invited
stunning Joanne Young and Jenny Ryan back to his room.

Then shortly after dawn Coogan - who was once treated for sex
addiction after a string of affairs - sneaked out of the hotel and
headed back home to his unsuspecting wife.

An onlooker said: "He looked like a naughty schoolboy when he
sneaked out. He had a cheeky grin on his face. It was pretty obvious
he didn't want anyone to see him leave though.

"He was constantly looking over his shoulder as he raced to his car."

Coogan, 39, met Joanne and Jenny at a star-studded party after
performing a charity gig at London's Royal Albert Hall for the
Teenage Cancer Trust on Wednesday night.

The People can reveal that the star...

SPENT HOURS chatting and flirting with the sexy pair who dance at
Stringfellows club.

SECRETLY arranged to meet them at his plush £180-a-night hotel.

MADE SURE he wasn't seen leaving the party at the same time as the
girls.

KEPT a 4am rendezvous with the pair in his hotel bar.

WHISKED them up to his room at The Leonard's hotel in Mayfair.

EMERGED dishevelled but looking pleased with himself three hours
later.

The girls finally emerged looking tired and worse for wear at
12.30pm.

They were far more glamorous the night before when Coogan spotted
them at the charity after-show party at London's Embassy Club.

The comedian, who stars as Phileas Fogg in the new Hollwyood remake
of Around The World In 80 Days, made a beeline for blonde Joanne in
the VIP section.

She was later joined by her pal Jenny. Coogan chatted on and off to
the pair for two hours.

He couldn't take his eyes off Joanne's tanned and toned legs, set
off by her revealing black mini-dress.

Joanne giggled as he whispered into her ear while she snuggled up to
him on a sofa in a dark corner in the club.

Coogan left her briefly to mingle with his celebrity pals, TV's
Little Britain comedian David Walliams and his model girlfriend Lisa
Snowden.

But he soon rejoined Joanne. The pair headed downstairs to the
toilets where they spoke privately for 10 minutes.

An onlooker said: "Steve was paying Jo a lot of attention. She made
it clear that she was very attracted to him.

"She was smiling and giggling and touching his arm constantly. There
was a strong chemistry between them.

"But they didn't do anything in the club. Steve looked very
flattered by all the attention she was giving him. And who wouldn't
be? She's a stunning girl with a body to die for."

The pair headed back to the VIP room and Joanne rejoined her
brunette pal while Coogan chatted to other guests, including Essex
girl Jodie Marsh, TV starlet Catalina Guirado and pop band Blue's
Antony Costa.

While the comic knocked back drinks, Joanne was overheard drunkenly
telling her pal Jenny that she "didn't want to go home" and wanted
to "carrying on partying with Steve".

An onlooker said: "She kept on looking over at Coogan and was
overheard saying to her pal that she had no intentions of going
home. She then went over to Coogan."

A car was arranged to take the girls to the hotel. Coogan left
separately and joined them in the hotel bar around 4am.

The room the star was staying in was on the second floor and shortly
after the girls arrived he could clearly be seen by the window with
a woman. Photgrapher John Gyimah said: "It was definitely Steve
Coogan, you could tell by his big curly hair and he was standing in
the window with a woman."

The receptionist on duty at the time said: "The two women in the bar
are not guests of the hotel, they are here to meet one of the
residents.

"The hotel is fully booked and there are no more rooms available."

The girls were picked up from the hotel just after midday on
Thursday by a black cab which headed back to a flat in north London.

Looking hung over, they then went to a restaurant for lunch and
laughed and joked as they discussed the night before.

Jenny, who lives in Yorkshire, then headed back to Leeds on the 3.35
pm train from Kings Cross.

The raven-haired stunner was met at Leeds by her lover Matthew
Haycox, a lapdance club owner.

Unaware of her antics just hours earlier they enjoyed a long,
lingering smooch on the station concourse.

Matthew then drove Jenny in his flash BMW M3 convertible to his £3
million mansion in the upmarket village of Scarcroft near Leeds.
Back in London, Joanne was spotted on Friday evening heading into
Stringfellows through a back entrance.

It's not that first time that publicity-shy Coogan has shown a
fondness for lapdancers.

He married his girlfriend Caroline Hickman 15 months ago but the
romance has been rocky.

They split in April 2002 just weeks after trendy Caroline, 32, quit
the London social scene to set up home with Coogan in Brighton.

Coogan consoled himself with drink, parties and girls after the
split.

He embarked on a steamy affair with 21-year-old lapdancer Terina
Newman but got back together with Caroline three months later.

Coogan's previous long-term relationship with Anna Coole ended after
she found out he'd had a string of affairs.

The star went to a psychotherapist priest to help him overcome his
sex addiction in a desperate bid to win Anna back.

The comic was also linked to Vic Reeves' wife, former lapdancer
Nancy Sorrell, before falling head over heels for Caroline.

Coogan revealed how Caroline, a great niece of the late Cardinal
Basil Hume, made him wait a week before she finally said yes to his
proposal.

He said: "It was agonising. There were a lot of negotiations during
that time.

"She'd come back and say what about this and I'd say OK. It was
touch and go at one stage I thought it would never happen. I really
didn't think she was going to say yes.

"I was gobsmacked when she said yes. It's the best thing I had ever
done."

When Joanne was contacted by The People she emerged at her front
door in her pyjamas. Her hair was unkempt and she had on no make-up.

When asked about spending the night in the hotel room with Coogan
she said: "I don't think so."

When told we would be publishing the story she said: "I don't think
so babe, I've got a boyfriend. I'd really appreciate it if you don't
run it, I've got a fella."

Last night, when we approached Coogan's PR she refused to comment.
Later he was seen leaving his home with his wife and luggage.






Now Steve...DUMP THE WIFE AND CONTINUE LIKE THIS!!!!!!! Anyone who
makes you wait a *WEEK* cannot be right for you!!!

RAIN!!!!!!!!!!"

IT WORKED IT BLOODY WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lmao, sorry I know I'm mental but 3000 MESSAGES, EH?!?! WHAT *HAVE*
WE BEEN TALKING ABOUT?!?! lol!

ARE YA?!?!"

"just being a bit camp!"
lol!
Gettin close...

"I like you too..."

Can you explain it please?!"

I would be watching and I would be smiling..."

like your mum in her last few weeks!!!"

I don't mean poppers."

you're laughing at WEATHER!!!"