Deborah Schmidt asked:
Have you ever felt stuck in the process? Is it normal to feel this way, like you've spent a long time and see very little or no progress at all? I know I have felt this yearning to reunite with God ever since I was a little girl, or maybe more than that. I just know this feeling is very old. But the suffering has been incredible and sometimes I think I won't take it any more. I have grown and I can see now, how my spirit has taken away all the distractions from me so that I can concentrate on what I came here to do. But sometimes I feel I just can't do it no more. The most painful thing has been struggling with money, or the absence of it. I am a single mother to a four year old beautiful girl and I just can't seem to find a decent source of income that allows me to raise her and pay the bills. This part is the most distracting. I feel it is the biggest challenge, because it's what keeps me from flying. The thought of it brings out the worse in me, anguish, rage, worry, despair, loneliness, hopelessness, disbelief, and so on. I have worked on it really hard. I can tell you, still a year ago I was wishing for a big house and a nice van. Today I am aware that those things are not for me in this lifetime because they can distract me from what I really want. Right now I am working my mind to move to the country and have a self sustainable home close to nature. These past few months I have come to realize how many things I have given up voluntarily and I feel free and happy not to be engaged to them anymore: I have forgiven everyone, I don't care if someone hurt me, I don't waste time envying or hating some person. I can tell you I have very few friends, many I have given up along the way, I bless them and let them go. Answer:
Yes, what you're feeling is normal. Everyone has this feeling from time to time.
I spent some years on my own in Australia. Although I felt I was dedicated to the Path and read a lot, thought about it, and focused my mind on it as much as possible, you're so easily distracted by every day life and all sorts of amusements and attractions, that it does feel like you're trying to row against a strong current.
I am not a recruiting officer for any organisation. At the same time, in all honesty, speaking from experience, I have to tell you that it made a very great difference when I was able to attend meetings, consisting of services and conferences, of the organisation that Jan van Rijckenborgh set up. This is called the International School of the Golden Rosycross, "Lectorium Rosicrucianum". I'm sure you'll understand that when you are among a group of other people who are all interested in liberation, a powerful etheric, astral and mental field is set up, which gives you great strength and encouragement. Conferences are held on weekends, and so a whole weekend is spent focusing on liberation among people who are doing the same thing. I'm not saying everyone is equally dedicated, but the effect on your being is very strong indeed, and it gives you a wonderful feeling of being lifted up out of everyday life, and having the
strength to stay that way for quite some time afterwards.
There's a lot more to be said about this, and I'm sure that will come out in further questions.
For the time being let me say that while it is theoretically possible for anyone to go the Path, practically speaking I have never met anyone who has the strength, the spiritual development, the dedication, the ability to concentrate, and the unwavering yearning to be able to follow the Path of Liberation on their own.
And then there is the law that when people go the Path in groups, the total effect is greater than the sum of the parts. When people 'pool' their spiritual forces, something is added to the result that doesn't come from the participants. I guess this is what is meant by "When two or three are gathered in My name, I will be amongst them." When there is a school, there is a Dumbledore who gives the school his blessings, his magic power.
Another effect I can see is that together the members of a group can construct a force field which acts like a magnifying glass, or one of those concave mirrors. The pure spiritual forces are focused into a centre, and so those who turn to this centre are filled with its majestic spiritual power. I have experienced this many times.
I can see that all this is going to add further problems to your life, because of the cost of travel, books, contributions, etc, but I can only give you what I think is the best answer I can give to your questions.
Another problem is that although all the people in any organisation may be genuinely concerned to go the Path, none of them are probably liberated yet, and so they have just as many problems as you do. They will have unpleasant characteristics and idiosyncrasies which will irritate you till your brain turns into blue vein cheese.
However to that I must add the positive effect that you only see in others the faults you have yourself, so they're a good mirror to see how liberated you are! :o)
There is one thing that compensates for all these additional problems: If your yearning to unite with God is strong, you thirst will be slaked, much more strongly than when you're on your own. And with that comes the growth of the New Soul, which is all that matters.
I would like to ask members of this group to join in. Some of them are also pupils of the School of the Golden Rosycross, and they may be able to give personal testimonies of what I'm talking about.
I will answer your other questions as soon as time permits.
Love from Hans |
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