My guess is that you're trying to figure out the best things to do for your
child, and when they don't work out the way you wanted you feel all those things
you listed.

Trying to operate in this way seems like the only thing you can do, as long as
you are doing it. But it is karmic. Focussing on gaining income results in the
income slipping out of your grasp. Focussing on doing what you think best for
your child
means that you will find yourself doing things that are not the best for her.
Fleeing rage, worry, despair and loneliness, you will reap just exactly those
things. The effort you put into achieving your house in the country for yourself
will bring grief and pain. You are trying to carry too much responsibility. You
are trying to change your little world, and it won't work. People have been
trying to change the world for thousands of years, and it gradually gets worse.
This is equally true whether they aim to try to change the whole world, or
whether they only aim to improve their small portion of it.

It may sound very unlikely, but utter despair is very useful in this situation,
because it causes you to give up trying to achieve the impossible, and once you
do that, there is a chance for you to start to see, for the first time, what is
actually possible.

You can't achieve what you want, but there is Someone who has it all in His own
hands, and that Someone is the one you have been in love with ever since you
first became conscious, even though you may never have realised it. With His
arms wrapped around you, anything is possible. But the price of His love is that
you give yourself up to Him completely, body, soul and spirit. You can't dictate
terms, He does that. And you can't ask for what you want, you have to trust to
Him to provide what you need. If you stop what you are doing and offer Him
everything that you are and do and need, and promise always to put Him
unequivocally first, you will find that a link is forged between you that can
never be broken, and nothing will ever be the same again.

Chris

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