Hi Not waving,
Thank you so much for asking how I am I really appreciate it :0)
I am doing ok.....most of the time, I have waves of depression about my Marriage
that seem to cover me completely for a few days, and I am still avoiding this
subject like the plague. I have been in contact with Paul a few times, and he is
now anxious to sell our house, which hurts, and also scares me as that will be
the last link we have between us gone, I'm still not ready for that and feel
physically sick when he mentions it. So I try to avoid contact with him. He is
still with someone else and I am still on my own! I don't know if I'm ready for
another relationship yet or not , the opportunity hasn't arisen! I live in a
village and still don't really know anyone, so my social life revolves around
the Computer!!
I'm happy sometimes when I get busy drawing but underneath I know I'm not.
My OCD is stable, I take the medication everyday, but still haven't had any CBT,
only what I have done for myself, but I do live normally pretty much, there are
things and places I still avoid and probably always will, but they're not things
that stop me living like before. The OCD will always be a part of me, of who I
am, it will always make me wash my hands an extra time or perform some other
silly ritual, but as long as it never gets to the stage where I live in one room
afraid to go anywhere or do anything, I think I can handle it. I still drive
and go for walks but there is a huge void in my life and I don't know how to
fill it! I miss being loved by someone.
I used to enjoy writhing my Diary, but then Paul told me he read it to see what
I was up to, it felt strange, I didn't like the thought of him knowing what I
was doing whilst I knew nothing about his life, I felt spied upon and this made
me reluctant to post entries, which saddens me because I know a lot of people
used to regularly read it and got some comfort from it, maybe I could post and
update every so often on here! ummmm that's an idea!
Anyway, that's me at the moment! How about you, how are you doing?
*hugs* Sani

"In the end...only kindness matters!"
~Sani~
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----- Original Message -----
From: notwavingbutdrowning2003 <willow_494@...>
To: theobsessivelycleanden@...
Sent: Monday, May 26, 2003 5:27 PM
Subject: [The Obsessively Clean Den] To Sani, how are you?


Hi Sani,

How are you? I haven't heard anything from you for ages.
When I was first diagnosed with OCD (a similar type to yours, I
think) I used to take comfort from some of the items on your old
site and also from your poems. They often summed up for me how I was
feeling and put into words what I couldn't. I used to read your
diary too and I felt so sorry when you were talking about the break
up of your marriage.
How are things now? Are things better for you? You have done so much
to help others - with your web-sites and message board so I hope
that you are going along well.
Take care
not waving


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