Hi Sani,
How are you?
Reading your last email was identical to my life at the mo, I too have had to go
on the sick from work cause of the intrusive thoughts about germs and
contamination, i don't think i will ever be well enough to even walk in there
let alone work there.
My husband has to follow my routines and it causes so many arguments that i am
amazed we are still together, it effects my children's life too, i cant even
take them to the park or colour or play with play doe etc. it has caused me to
be unable to bond with my daughter properly because it started when i was
pregnant with her, i sometimes resent the fact that i had her,i think to myself
that i wouldn't be like this if i hadn't, but we all know that it would have
probably appeared one way or another, these feelings make me feel so guilty that
i feel like leaving but i know i couldn't do that to them. it also stopped me
from seeing my parents for years because they have dogs and i became obsessed
with dog hair and germs.but since my total breakdown a few weeks back they
finally found out what was wrong with me and have been brilliant with trying to
understand the illness my aunts are even trawling the net for info on the
illness, bless them.i have now been going there almost every day
and even starting to touch the dogs again, its extremely hard but if it means i
can be with my parents then its worth it. the tablets that i am on are starting
to make me feel more positive about facing my fears, so i am going to start
tackling them one by one. the programme on c4 was a real boost for me it made me
see that you can beat ocd and get your life back, i hope so it would be lovely
to be normal again.
stay in touch
sam x

Sani <sanismail@...> wrote:
Hi Sam :0)
How you doing today?
I have a Westie - Wesley, we've been out in the Garden all day today :0) He
likes to help me with the weeding by sticking his head right where I need to
dig!! lol.
My OCD began when I was about 14 and I would have to touch things again and
again because a voice in my head told me it was to avoid bad stuff
happening. I was then almost free from it for quite a while until I was
about 20. I was a Graphic Designer and used to work with chemicals which I
hated, I became increasingly scared of them to the point of feeling
physically sick if I had to go near them. I suffered a trauma at this time
also which I think triggered the OCD off in a more serious form. I would
never feel I was clean enough from these chemicals even after showering for
hours on end and constantly needed to wash my hands. I became more and more
Obsessed with these fears until I had to give up my job. That didn't stop
the OCD though! It took over my life completely and I was now scared of
anything or anybody that had in any way big or small any connection with
where I had worked. I avoided places, people, things you name it I avoided
it. If I thought I had come into contact with one of these things I would
wash clothes, hair skin, everything, this went on for about a year. At the
age of 26 I married my boyfriend and the OCD continued to wreak havoc,
taking over both our lives. If we went anywhere and I thought we went near
something I felt was contaminated we would have to wash and shower
everything when we got home, this became so unbearable with us having rows
about it so in the end we never went anywhere! I was almost a recluse,
living in one room and sleeping on a camp bed!
This went on for about 10 years until I sought help from a friend and I went
to see a Dr who referred me to a Psychiatrist and Psychologist. Now 5 years
on, separated from my husband, I'm living with my Dog and Cat and can do so
many things I never thought possible! but I am not free from the illness, I
don't think I ever will be, but I am happy to have this far!
Take one day at a time hon!
hugs Sani



----- Original Message -----
From: "samantha williams" <samerd79@...>
To: <theobsessivelycleanden@...>
Sent: Sunday, August 07, 2005 11:51 AM
Subject: Re: [The Obsessively Clean Den] hello out there!!!!!


> hi sani, well it started from contamination fears when i was pregnant with
> my daughter, after reading all those books that tell you don't eat this,
> keep everywhere sterile i even became obsessive about cleaning the taps
> with disinfection after i had been to the bin cause of reading an ad about
> all the germs on taps, door handles etc.I don't think that these people in
> advertisement and television understand the fear they can put in people
> with all there doom and gloom. It then became pretty much a fear of
> touching anything even cleaning products became a new fear, so it became
> very hard to keep everywhere contamination free without touching the
> products needed to clean with, hence the showering started it wasn't
> enough to just wash my hands i had to strip, shower, wash the clothes,
> strip and change the kids if they came near me. I found it and still do so
> hard to go out because of the need to clean and shower after. The
> counselling is just talking to a woman about my ocd i have been
> to see a psychiatrist and waiting to see an ot and a psychologist. I have
> begun to take some steps towards getting better with my the tablets, I
> want to start cbt, and have spoken to my family about helping me.
> anyway keep in touch tell me more about you.
> sam x
>
> Sani <sanismail@...> wrote:
> Hi Sam :0)
> You'll get there hon!
> You are off to a great start and have taken the major step by getting
> help!
> I still wash my hands quite a lot but mostly just once then leave rather
> than doing it repetitively like I was attached to the sink by a rubber
> band!
> What is it in particular that frightens you? It's ok, if you can't say it,
> just wondered.
> With some people it's Germs or types of illnesses, in my case it's certain
> cleaning substances, because of where I used to work.
> What kind of counselling do you go to, is it CBT?
> Hugs Sani
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "samantha williams" <samerd79@...>
> To: <theobsessivelycleanden@...>
> Sent: Thursday, August 04, 2005 7:24 PM
> Subject: Re: [The Obsessively Clean Den] hello out there!!!!!
>
>
>> Hi Sani, Thank you so much for your email, Its nice to talk to people who
>> know what I'm going through my friends and family try their hardest to
>> understand but I know in my heart that they must just think pull yourself
>> together girl and get on with it!!!!. I watched that prog the other night
>> too it was really interesting I can totally relate to the girl with
>> contamination and washing obbsessions. Just like you I am constantly
>> worrying about what I am touching and where I have been. I shower
>> anything
>> up to eight times a day and wash my hair about five times each shower one
>> day it will all fall out lol. Have been taking a drug called lustral for
>> the last five weeks and it does seem to be working my anxiety levels are
>> coming down and I get counciling once a week so hopefully one day I can
>> be
>> where you are and think sod it!!!!
>> Anyway it would be nice to hear from you again.
>> Thanks Sam
>>
>> Sani <sanismail@...> wrote:
>> Hi Sam,
>> You are defiantly NOT alone!! In fact there are thousands of us out
>> there!
>> My OCD is Contamination fears so I also have to do a lot of washing,
>> especially my hands after touching this , that and the other! Lol. I do
>> have
>> some control over mine now though, but it has taken me a long time to get
>> to
>> this stage. I take medication - Prozac and Lofepramine and can honestly
>> say
>> these have helped me, they take the edge off my fears, and that horrible
>> feeling of complete dread that I used to experience if something worried
>> me.
>> Now if something worries me, I just think ok, well I'll deal with it,
>> what
>> needs to be done and I can usually reduce the amount I have to do to feel
>> less anxious by putting it off for a while. So if I think I need to wash
>> my
>> hair because of something or take a shower I put it off until later, then
>> when later comes I can mostly convince myself that what happened to make
>> me
>> anxious wasn't such a big deal after all and just wash my hands or wet my
>> hair without having a complete shower. It's with me all the time though
>> and
>> I think it always will be.
>> hugs Sani
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "sam" <samerd79@...>
>> To: <theobsessivelycleanden@...>
>> Sent: Friday, July 29, 2005 11:11 AM
>> Subject: [The Obsessively Clean Den] hello out there!!!!!
>>
>>
>>> hello, my name is sam and i have been suffering with ocd for the past
>>> four years, my problems are compulsive washing and checking.
>>> i would really like to talk to people who are suffering from the same
>>> problems as sometimes i feel so alone in my own crazy world.
>>> thanks
>>> sam
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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>>
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