Cross-posted from http://community.livejournal.com/newapocrypha/

I'd be interested to get some feedback on my description of the
Kasterborus System as given in my ongoing novel-thingy:

"At a safe distance, the five planets joined the cosmic dance. Closest
to the twins sat Kaster, which lay just a hundred million kilometres
from the mid-point between the suns."

"At a hundred and fifty million kilometres, where Gallifrey, second of
the five planets, should have been, there was nothing. The Time Lords
had changed the nature of the universe when the time wars began,
desperate to save themselves from the ravages of history. In this
regard, the orrery served not just a navigational function, but also a
political one. Rendulix, the homeworld, as it was also known, had
entered into the realm of legends.

"Demos, the world on which Pengallia had been born, and where she now
lay awaiting royal ascension, orbited at a distance of roughly two
hundred million kilometres. Six thousand miles in diameter and circled
by three small moons, Bern, Falin, and Kirros.

"At a distance of almost eight hundred million kilometres lay
Polarfrey, the White Giant, the coldest and brightest planet in the sky.

"Out beyond Polarfrey, the great ice ring circled the system, and
beyond that lay the smallest and remotest of the five planets, Karn,
the dark sister."

"Some three billion kilometres beyond the centre of the system, Karn
was lit by a strange and magical phenomenon. This light, known as the
Great Veil or the Kasterborus Borealis, bounded the outer edges of the
system and, in ancient times, had been regarded as the great barrier
beyond which the rest of the universe lay."

Comments?